Help Please

[strawberrygm]

My dd has been diagnosed Celiac. She is 9, will be 10 in Sept.

Both sets of bloodwork have came back positive.

We are waiting to have colonoscopy and endoscopy, June 14 at Vanderbilt Childrens.

Her bio dad doesnt get it, and has a friend who is a doctor and also has celiac, telling him that it isnt that serious, that she can still have gluten, etc.

I plan to start a ROCK group here in my area, and I will have ppl come and talk, and I also want to have all her grandparents, etc go to a meeting with the nutritionalist together.

How do I get him to take this seriously, he doesnt listen to me, and now this doctor friend isnt helping either.

[gfp]

That is a tough one!

your DD's father's friend is obviously in denial.... of course he/she should know better and perhaps at the back of his/her mind they do but I don't see any easy way's around this.

My sig is a very old quote from Julius Cesar... It says "Man(kind) will willingly beleive what they want to beleive"

You are not fighting against a logical arguament here.

Apologies in advance folks .... (please lets not turn this into a religious debate just because this is the easiest way for me to explain it)

The way I see this (as an atheist) is like religion... Chistianity, Jiudaism and Islam can't all be right.... nor can each sect of each religion YET each one does beleive it is correct regardless of evidence to the contrary. The point is that one person can try and confront another wih 'evidence' but the other person will dismiss that evidence as heresay, false or irrelevant or a wrong interpretation.

Scholars have spent 1000 years debating just there 'big three' .. no conclusive answers have ever been found yet millions are totally committed and even willing to die for their belief

This MD is in this class. As a MD WITH celiac disease they should be finding out everything... lets face it we do everything we can and we are not MD's...

This doctor friend must be actively trying not to find out.. they are perhaps scared?

Nothing you can say or do will prove otherwise....

(Now the reason I used the analogy above)

You are in the eyes of the MD just a stupid mother. (sorry I am not implying you are but from the POV of the MD) ...

In order for the MD to agree with you they must confront their denial... and they are what they consider to be "the expert" ...

This is like a everyday Christian trying to explain to a Rabbi why they are wrong or a everyday Muslim trying to explain to a Bishop or Cardinal ...

You can't get around the fact they beleive they are trained and have studied and there is nothing an everyday person can do or say that will prove anything to them.

Honestly, this is going nowhere.... forget this friend of the father.... you will not change their mind. (Even if you do the effort will be so out of proportion and your goal is a healthy daughter)

You must bypass this persons influence...

This means finding another MD possibly to confront the father... as you have anuphill battle to be taken as seriously as a MD friend you need some big guns ...

Find a support group etc. that has a MD.. get the father along and get the MD to explain...

This might sound hard work and a lot... but I honstly think it will be FAR FAR EASIER than trying to change the mind of an MD with celiac who is in denial.

This MD has turned celiac disease into a belief system... logical arguaments will not work, endless pages of medical journals will not help.

Your DD's father has 'appointed' this friend as THE EXPERT. Whatever you personally say he will ask the opinion of THE EXPERT and this expert is in denial.

THE EXPERT will reinterpret the medical papers and pull out the parts they WANT. Remember they are not doing this against your daughter or even to support her father .... they are doing this because they REFUSE TO CONFRONT thier own reality.

[strawberrygm]

that was a very good way of explaining it.

i appreciate the time, thought, and effort it took for you to respond in such detail.

thanks so much!!

so, dd's father lives in Memphis.

surely there is a support group there.

[gfp]

Well I'm not sure where you are so its hard to be more specific...

In general I see you are going to have to do some work to get this across to the father ... and I guess you are understandably worried about time she spends with her biological father ...

There seem to be two avenues..

1/ Get a MD to make sure that the father doesn't get to see the kid alone until he can demonstrate he understands and is able to feed her safely.

2/ A bit of gentle persuasion ...

I honestly think the latter is best in almost every way...

Forcing someone on stuff like this is likely a lost cause... her father is being misadvised .. what's to stop him saying everything is cool then ignoring it on the basis of his friend?

Its almost like forcing a drink driver to seek help or an addict to go to rehab ... this might sometimes work but in 90% of cases its atted, say the right things and leave and life goes on as it was. People rarely react well to being forced into things so this leaves the second option....

As an idea off the top of my head ... and you will need to be the one doing the work here (unfair as that may be) ... you need to find out.. and if your dd is going to memphis get a meeting arranged... I'm sure if you make a post on here "Looking for celiac disease aware MD in Memphis" you'll get some good responses.

I hope this helps, you really are between a rock and hard place and its not fair you need to do all the work but obviously your a caring mom and that's how the cards land sometimes.

[cyberprof]

My dd has been diagnosed Celiac. She is 9, will be 10 in Sept.

Both sets of bloodwork have came back positive.

We are waiting to have colonoscopy and endoscopy, June 14 at Vanderbilt Childrens.

Her bio dad doesnt get it, and has a friend who is a doctor and also has celiac, telling him that it isnt that serious, that she can still have gluten, etc.

I plan to start a ROCK group here in my area, and I will have ppl come and talk, and I also want to have all her grandparents, etc go to a meeting with the nutritionalist together.

How do I get him to take this seriously, he doesnt listen to me, and now this doctor friend isnt helping either.

Hi Strawberry,

This is difficult. The MD is an adult and whether or not he chooses to follow the gluten-free diet is his concern. Your daughter is a child and has a lot of growing to do. As an adult she could choose not to or choose TO follow the diet.

Going to a ROCK group is a good idea. Going to a nutritionist is a good idea.

Depending on how your DD's dad like to learn, you could give him info from the celiac disease centers at U of Chicago or Maryland. You could have him come to the doctor's appointment with you. Or you may need to see a family counselor. My best to you.

~Laura

[dbmamaz]

Ok, here's a different idea. Your daughter is old enough to take some responsibility herself. If the tests are all positive, assuming she only sees her father infrequently, she will feel MUCH better off gluten. If you coach her, she will start seeing how much better she feels when she avoids gluten. Be sure to tell her everything you serve her, explain this is the gluten-free version. Make sure she knows which foods are bad for her. Discuss with her that her father thinks its ok for her to eat gluten, but HER doctor has said that she will only feel ALL better if she eats NO gluten. She shoud start to see a connection and should start to be willing to monitor her own eating, if she sees a real difference. She can learn to stick up for herself against her father.

Good luck