Educating The Family

[violet2004]

Can anyone recommend any short articles that help with educating family members about gluten-free diets and the dangers of cross-contamination?

I need to vent a little here...

I have been gluten-free for 1 1/2 years. I feel like I have the hang of this. My brother is gluten-free, too, and so side of the family is very good about cooking gluten-free and understanding the dangers of CC (my sister has severe peanut, fish, mustard, chocolate allergies, so the family "grew up" understanding CC for her allergies.) There are a lot of science-types in the family, so they understand that microscopic amounts of proteins can cause autoimmune reactions

The problem is the in-laws. They don't get it. They try, (sort of) but holidays are becoming stressful because I can't eat with them. When one family "gets it" and the other doesn't, you start favoring one over the other for holiday meals.

Last year, MIL tried to cook a roast that I could eat, but basted it in soup with wheat, and then was sad when I couldn't eat it. I thought I could eat the veggies, and I could, until she covered them in butter taken from the butter container with breadcrumbs in it. This Christmas, I offered to bring a dish (that happened to be gluten-free so I'd have SOMETHING to eat), and I put it in the oven to heat it up. While it was heating, my MIL put in a tray of BREAD in the same oven as my dish, and set the oven to "convection" to heat everything faster. Good grief. I tried to explain that gluten particles can get into the air and stay there for a while, and that small amount can contaminate food enough to make me sick.

I feel like I am not getting through to them, and we now pretty much avoid eating there because it's uncomfortable to sit there and eat nothing while everyone else is eating, and to have to repeatedly explain why, while everyone asks what will happen if I eat gluten (I say "It's not a polite dinner discussion" which usually works.) Also, the family gatherings are on the large side, and I certainly don't expect them to plan their whole meal around me. But, on Thanksgiving, I want turkey. I don't want to sit there drinking pop and eating potato chips while everyone else eats turkey. And if my family makes gluten-free turkey, stuffing, gravy, pie, it's a no-brainer to go there.

Avoidance seems to be my best tactic! (At least DH is supportive and understands why I don't want to go for dinner, and try to keep visits to afternoon "coffee" visits instead.)

All suggestions/comments welcome!

[skymgirl]

  violet2004 said:

Can anyone recommend any short articles that help with educating family members about gluten-free diets and the dangers of cross-contamination?

I need to vent a little here...

I have been gluten-free for 1 1/2 years. I feel like I have the hang of this. My brother is gluten-free, too, and so side of the family is very good about cooking gluten-free and understanding the dangers of CC (my sister has severe peanut, fish, mustard, chocolate allergies, so the family "grew up" understanding CC for her allergies.) There are a lot of science-types in the family, so they understand that microscopic amounts of proteins can cause autoimmune reactions

The problem is the in-laws. They don't get it. They try, (sort of) but holidays are becoming stressful because I can't eat with them. When one family "gets it" and the other doesn't, you start favoring one over the other for holiday meals.

Last year, MIL tried to cook a roast that I could eat, but basted it in soup with wheat, and then was sad when I couldn't eat it. I thought I could eat the veggies, and I could, until she covered them in butter taken from the butter container with breadcrumbs in it. This Christmas, I offered to bring a dish (that happened to be gluten-free so I'd have SOMETHING to eat), and I put it in the oven to heat it up. While it was heating, my MIL put in a tray of BREAD in the same oven as my dish, and set the oven to "convection" to heat everything faster. Good grief. I tried to explain that gluten particles can get into the air and stay there for a while, and that small amount can contaminate food enough to make me sick.

I feel like I am not getting through to them, and we now pretty much avoid eating there because it's uncomfortable to sit there and eat nothing while everyone else is eating, and to have to repeatedly explain why, while everyone asks what will happen if I eat gluten (I say "It's not a polite dinner discussion" which usually works.) Also, the family gatherings are on the large side, and I certainly don't expect them to plan their whole meal around me. But, on Thanksgiving, I want turkey. I don't want to sit there drinking pop and eating potato chips while everyone else eats turkey. And if my family makes gluten-free turkey, stuffing, gravy, pie, it's a no-brainer to go there.

Avoidance seems to be my best tactic! (At least DH is supportive and understands why I don't want to go for dinner, and try to keep visits to afternoon "coffee" visits instead.)

All suggestions/comments welcome!

Sorry you're going through this, I know it can be rough! Is there a way that you could have a holiday at your home and you could do the cooking? That way you can make sure your turkey is safe, and you can invite family members to bring their own dishes to contribute to the meal. (That you could just pop in the over or microwave to heat up, taking the proper precautions.)

I was amazed when I cooked for 10 people this Christmas in my small apartment! It was quite an adventure, and while my back and feet were killing me the next day, having control over the cooking can lend peace of mind. (I was terrified about my in-laws getting along with my parents, but that worked itself out, too!) If this isn't an option, I would suggest maybe meeting your in-laws for lunch at a place that is safe to eat, and explaining to them that while you would like to spend holiday dinners with them, there are precautions that need to be taken so you can feel yourself and enjoy the meal and gathering. You can let them know you would help them shop, or prepare food if those are options that would make you feel more comfortable. It can sometimes take people more then one listen to understand things, and sometimes you really have to explain things as simply as possible. While you're out enjoying your lunch or dinner, you can point out how nice it is to be able to share a meal and spend time with them - that could be positive enforcement for them!

Hope that helps a bit - good luck!

[SGWhiskers]

Here is how I deal with my families. It isn't perfect, but I've been safe.

My family: Mom asks if I can eat her main dish. I say maybe, we talk it over, and always decide that the answer is no. We agree that I will prepare her veggies at her house and bring my own meat and snacks. I bake a potato in the microwave, and she buys a tiny tub of soy ice cream for me. Then when it is cooking time, I bake my meat in the oven wrapped tightly in foil and don't worry about what goes in the oven with it. (OK, I worry, but I have not gotten sick with this method. I'm super sensitive, too). I write in permanent marker on the foil "Do not open. For L--- only!" Then I watch the veggies like a hawk, when they are hot, I serve myself, cover the plate with plastic wrap, and set it in a far away corner of the kitchen. Then I help mom and sisters finish off the rest of the meal any way they like it. Then Ii play dog-em with my brothers and flying roll crumbs.

My In-Laws: MIL has early Alzheimers, so I'm allowed to be in charge of the meals. She is not really aware that I have these new dietary needs. She is still in the kitchen and is prone to seasoning at random or cross contaminating. We visit for a week at a time, so I can't bring a dish to pass. My strategy there is to be in charge of the meat. I'm the only one that touches it until I serve myself and I watch that one item insanely. I can't handle watching more than one item. It is just too stressful on me. Then while we are all doing our thing around the kitchen, I grab a bit of fresh veggie, a sweet potato, and some fruit and microwave and wrap and set to the side where it is out of the way of the main cooking/preparing surfaces. If the house were small, I would set it on the fridge, the microwave, or in the garage.

I've realized that dispite how helpful and observant people are trying to be, my stress level is too high unless I limit myself to one shared dish which I prepare and serve myself from immediately after it is finished including a second plate for leftovers or seconds if I think I might want some. I explained, apologized, and thanked on my last trip, and I think we enjoyed ourselves more. That way our every conversation during mealtime didn't start with "No! Wait!"

The other thing I did to deal with extended family after my diagnosis to send out an e-mail with a brief explaination of the disease and my 3-5 new food rules and what that meant for them. For them it meant I wouldn't be able to tell them how yummy the dinner/dessert was anymore, and that I might ask them to set aside a plain burger or chicken piece for me to prepare/cook at their house. I told them I would always bring enough food not to be hungry at their house and that I would still bring a dish to pass. (I always bring an identical mini don't pass dish for me).