How Do You Deal With Friends?

[Guest Doct.Giggles]

How do you deal with your friends at school? I mean if you cheat on your diet than you are in a lot of pain and you want to say something but you really can't. Or if you have the mother of all temptations and you want so bad to eat it but you still can't. Or if an acquaintance walks up to you and offers you a cookie and you say no thanks I can't have it. Then they look at you like you have 7 heads. So tell me how you deal with it. I could really use some help.

-Tiffany

[tarnalberry]

I'm not a teenager anymore, but the situation still comes up.

The first thing I can tell you is that it's harder to do (though you still have to say no) for the first few months, until you get out of the habit of saying yes.

Second, it's not easy for everyone. Some of the people on the board have noted they still have problems with it, no matter their age.

I think a lot of it depends on personality. For me, I simply keep faith in the confidence I have in knowing what's best for my body. I know it will make me sick, and whether my friends, coworkers, or family agree or not doesn't matter because they don't live in my body and can't actually KNOW. I've had a pretty understanding set of friends and coworkers, and I don't hesitate to share my food, and don't hesitate to make sure the food I eat tastes so good it doesn't matter I can't have something else.

They look at you like you have 7 heads now, but in a few weeks/months, your real friends will have seen you feeling better and have seen the changes you make and won't look at you that way any more.

[KaitiUSA]

You find out quick who your real friends are. I personally could care less if people look at me like I have 7 heads...I look at them like they have 7 heads when I explain it and they ask me if I would like a donut lol.

I have been gluten free for over 16 months now and some people I know still don't get it and probably never will.

Just bring your food to school..there are alot of things we can still have so its not that hard...if someone offers you something you can't have just say no thanks...they don't need an explanation for why you don't want it.

When explaining celiac to them (if you choose too) tell them it is a genetic autoimmune disorder and if you do not follow the diet 100% you are 40-100 times more likely to get cancer, and other possibly life threatening and disabling diseases. Make sure you make them aware of the seriousness of it...your real friends will stand by and help you and not ask you to ever cheat.

[flagbabyds]

I agree with Kati that you have to figure out who your real friends are because if people you think are your friends tell you to cheat, then you know that they are not your real friends because they don't care if you get sick or not. When explaning it to people you have just met, I just say that I have an allergy to gluten and then they realise the seriousness of it. And if they decide to be you friend even though, then you can start explaining it to them in little bits, because it is really hard to take in all at once. Your real friends will want to understand why you have been sick, and they will try to help you out. But those people who say that a little bit won't hurt, realy don't understand, and you shouldn't trust them.

If you say that it is an allergy, people can understand that, they know that an allergy is really serious, and then they try to understand more, and will not try and make you cheat. Really if you have any more questions you can e-mail me celicamolly08@mac.com or IM me missmolly3001 I am constantly online.

[MySuicidalTurtle]

You cannot let anyone else factor into you staying on your diet. You will always have the weirdos who don't get it and all. When I was in High School I explained to my friends what I had and why I had been so sick. They got it. In college I rarely tell anyone about my Celiacs and just kindly decline offers off food. People shouldn't need explanations to why you personally don't want to eat or don't eat something.

[Guest Doct.Giggles]

Thabks you guys have been really helpful. It can be just so hard sometimes. To walk into school and know that you are different from every body else. I have been digonosed with celiac for 4 years and 9 years I had it and always cheated because my mom and my doctor never told me that it could kill me so all through elementary school I cheated and now I know and just recently found out that it could lead to cancer. Now I take care of myself but it still feels different to be different from everybody else and we are all over the world I still have yet to find someone in Florida near me. It's just hard. After my long day at school I look foward to comming here to talk and share my feelings with other people that have the disease. It jsut helps alot!

-Tiffany

[flagbabyds]

You should try to find a ROCK group in your area because there are some teens in those groups and they can help you through this time, They usaually meet like 9 times a year or so, so you can have support frmo other celiacs your age.

[celiac3270]

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[Guest Doct.Giggles]

I think I know who my friends are I just feel different knowing that I have to say no to everything. When I go to school I have to have lunch meat in a baggie because I can't Have bread. I just don't like the feeling that I am different. But people are always telling me that it is just one more way that that makes me special.

-Tiffany

[angellove839]

A lot of natural food stores are carrying gluten-free bread now. Some of it - like the white bread - is pretty good. That way you can have bread and cookies and whatever and dont feel left out at lunchtime.

[Carriefaith]

When I go to school I have to have lunch meat in a baggie because I can't Have bread.

It doesn't have to be like that! I'm not a teenager but I currently go to university so I understand your situation. Like angellove839 said, you could buy gluten-free bread and make sandwiches. Rice cakes and peanut butter are good, and if you have access to a microvave you are all set! You could bring Thai Kitchen stuff, left overs from dinner, Amy's gluten-free frozen dinners, ect.

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[PrincessLEah]

Well in one book about celiac disease this one woman said that she doesn't bother explaining anymore about being Celiac so when she goes to weddings and tuff she says she's eaten already and stuff. What I do I just pull out a chocolate bar or skittles or something when someone offers me a cookie or something and tell them that that cookie will make me very ill. I've only gotten the 7 heads look once from my friend who I thought was my best friend and turned out that she wasn't. All my real freidns were concerned and did everything they could to make me feel better. And when they saw me gaining weight they thought that maybe I didn't have it so bad after all. Infact one of my friends often says that my food looks better than what she's having and I let her use a clean fork or spoon and taste whatever I'm having that day. I know what it feels like to be left out because every Sunday we have a potluck idea at our church and I can't hardly ever have anything that is on the table and I have to bring something totally differant. But sometimes a salad or one of the best cooks in the church brings a soup which I can have. I feel really good if I can have something that everyone else is having because then I don't feel so differant. my mother likes to stick out in a crowd but I like to blend in and not be noticed.

[Guest Bsecen]

I just feel so boxed in all the time. I am haveing the worst trouble when I go to high school. I was in middle school before (when I first started to post) and now that I am in high school if feels so hard and I always have the worst time saying no to all my friends. I know that it hurts me and I have the cancer potiental there but I feel like I can't say no.

[kbtoyssni]

I just feel so boxed in all the time. I am haveing the worst trouble when I go to high school. I was in middle school before (when I first started to post) and now that I am in high school if feels so hard and I always have the worst time saying no to all my friends. I know that it hurts me and I have the cancer potiental there but I feel like I can't say no.

I'm 25, but we all have to deal with food and other people, so here are my thoughts.

A lot of people don't know how to deal with a celiac. If someone brings in cookies they offer them to everyone and want to treat you the same so they offer you one, too. They think they'll hurt your feelings if they don't offer you one. You might want to just tell them that you don't want them offering you stuff you can't eat and no, you will not feel left out.

I also try to keep my lunches as interesting as possible. I do feel a little sad when I haven't had time to make something good so I'm eating a boring lunch and everyone else can eat whatever they want from the lunch line.

Try to think up some really fun things that you like eating for lunch. Think outside the box here - I have access to a microwave so that makes thing easier, but you can often find me making things like scrambled eggs! I love eggs. I get some strange looks as everyone else nukes their Hungry Man TV dinner, but I find my lunches delicious.

Another thing to try is learning how to bake. Next time, why don't you be the one to bring in treats to share? I bring cake to work all the time and as soon as I email my friends they're at my desk in a flash. It's also a good way to show them that you do eat "normal", yummy food. Once I feed people a few times, they are much more receptive to my diet and don't bother me. I do get lots of questions about what I'm eating, what are things made of, etc, but it's simply people being curious and I have no problem educating them about the disease and the diet. What about inviting your friends over for pizza and movie night? Pizza is relatively easy to make. Try The Gluten Free Gourmet cookbook - it's got wonderful recipes!

[MizzouGirl]

I have found that with a little humor everyone I know, friends and strangers, are really supportive of my gluten-free diet. In fact some of my friends get a kick out of telling new friends that "beer kills her" and want to know exactly what I can have so that group eating activities are easy for me too.

Sometimes I fully explain celiac and other times I just call it an allergy, but I always joke about it so people don't feel awkward when they take back their cookie.

[Susanna]

Tiffany--I'm not a teenage girl, but I was one once, and I have jr high and high school daughters now. It is such a tough time--wanting to fit in with your friends, and feeling less close to your parents. Know this: you will never in your life be as much under the microscope and be scrutinized by other girls as much as you are when you're in jr high and high school--other girls, even your best friends judge how you dress, how you wear your hair, what guys you like, what bands you listen to--EVERYTHING--including what you eat. And there's always the fear that they'll cast you out of their circle if you're too different. I know that it feels like your friends are your life, and that their accepting you means everything, and it's SO tempting to bend on your own personal choices in order to be accepted. But. You still gotta do the healthy thing and protect yourself (be gluten free), so, how do you make all that happen when you're on campus and your every move is watched?

Well, I think you go ahead and do the things to fit in that feel good to you (dress like they do, hang out where they hang out), myspace them, but the stuff that makes you different (your diet, which is not optional), you gotta stick to your guns on--it might be hard at times, but you will have better self esteem for sticking up for yourself. To make it easier, you down-play your difference: You pack your lunch with delicious food that's gluten free. If you get offered a gluten food, you say no thanks and don't make a big deal out of it, don't offer explanations unless you have to, don't pout that you're missing out. Instead, pull out your Snicker Bar and offer to share half with the friend who offered you the bad cookie. If anyone is a jerk to you about it, use that as your measuring stick of who's a real friend and who isn't. This is a tough time for any girl, and tougher for you for your celiac status--but you will emerge a stronger woman for these challenges you're having as a teen.

Good luck!

Susanna--a former teenager,

[Liz92]

Heck, if my friends judjed me by my my hair, guys(tho im not 16 yet so that don't matter for me!) , and bands, diet, and stuff,I'd be left to the dumps!! Forget that. I'd probably leave them in the dumps . not literally. id just not be much of their friend, and get some new friends. I mean, its not like some good friends don't judje u on that stuuf, but if they like to be around you because ur fun, likeablr, amusing and stuff, A) you feel better, feel like ur a better person and people, once they see that they can hang out with you even with different styles and stuff, tend to act better towards all people. heck, im like friends with just about everyone at my school!!! well, my old school that is cuz i changed schools this year and don't no everyone. As for eating tho, you can still eat!!!!! i mean, come on, there's what four things ya can't? you can eat chips, tons of micro wave stuff thats norm, candy, u can even usually eat half the stuff at wendys! well, there's my two cents. more like 20. oh well. CU!

[Paris96]

Ha ha.lol. i was at a party and i couldnt eat ANYTHING! there was salad but it had croutons.when i was first diagnosed and found out that u couldnt have beer i told my mom mom only cavemen drink beer. wine is sophisticated. champange is sophisticated. hahaha lol well it can be hard!

[Liz92]

hey guys it me again, well, ya you r definetely have countless parties, meetings, rehearsals etc., where you won't be able to eaaaat a thing! however, one possible solution is bring food of your own; i mean, im sure that no one else will mind if you bring more snacks, and you might not like anything else anyway. another thing u can do is talk to the hosters, explain that ur celiac, and say you'd appreciate it if they had some gluten-free food or let you help supply the food.

[Guest Damo]

say you'd appreciate it if they had some gluten-free food or let you help supply the food.

That gave me a good idea - if you can land yourself the gig of being the one walking around with the plates of food, there's never anyone making you turn-down food infront of everyone else, thus making you feel like you have to explain yourself. Plus, walking around with food is the best excuse for going and starting a conversation with someone at a party (especially if they're totally hot and you'd have no other reason to approach).

[HBSML09]

Hi everyone!

I was JUST diagnosed a few days ago. I'm 15 years old and am really happy I found this site. Its been so helpful. I'm deciding what to do about telling all of my friends. I've told my best friends already, but I don't know if I want everyone to know about this yet. I have a bunch of other health problems and don't want to be labeled as "the sick kid". At the moment I'm still getting over the shock of it all, I'm not sure how to hide it but I don't really want everyone to know. Literally the day after I was diagnosed I was supposed to be going out with this guy and had to explain to him why we had to switch restaurants. I didn't like the feeling and don't really want to deal with it again. Any ideas?

[Liz92]

i don't deal cuz if its wityh that yet but... a few things you could do is just either a)contact restaraunt, cuz if its a nice enough restaurant that its worth going there on a date, tyhey most positively will have something that you can eat or they'll try and get something for you cuz they don't wanna lose thier reputation , lol, and if you don't care about niceness, go to wendys!!!!!!! yay wendys!, lol. or gowatch a movie or something. i dunno.