Insomnia Is Destroying My Relationship :(

[missceliac2010]

Hello all. I have a question for all my fellow insomnia/sleep disturbance buddies. I have been batting insomnia my whole life. I have always been the type of person who gets up at least 2 times per night to pee, etc. I just wake up. Don't know why. Lately, well...since I got sick and later found out I have Celiac (so for about 2 months) I wake but can't go back to sleep. I find myself up on the computer at 2am, reading the boards, or researching another topic, etc. I am usually up for about an hour, sometimes more, and then I get sleepy again and I go back to sleep.

I'm a teacher, and I have been out of school this whole time. So the sleep disturbance thing isn't that big of a deal right now. In a couple of weeks, when schools goes back around here, I'll have to figure this out, but until then, I'm just going with it. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, so I am trying not to stress out about the insomnia just yet. I simply take a nap in the afternoon if I need it. I have older children who are out playing with their buddies most afternoons anyway. And sleeping-in isn't a problem...they always sleep until at least 10 in summer! I keep telling myself it'll figure itself out, and to just go with it. The more I feel better, the better I'm sleeping. Plus I had a root canal last Friday that put me in a TON of pain, so the sleep problems have been especially bad the last few days, so the cycle that was improving was worse again all weekend.

Which leads me into the main problem. My boyfriend of a year and a half whom I love very much is getting upset with me. I can't say I blame him though. He has to work still all summer, and my waking at night inevitably wakes him too. I keep offering to leave the room and go into the living room when I wake, but he insists that "it's ok" and to "just use your laptop in bed." So I do, and I try to keep quiet as best I can. I set my laptop display to dim in the middle of the night, I try not to type (cause that's what's really loud), etc. But he still wakes often. He's always worried about me. "Are you ok?" I say "go back to sleep, I'm fine" or something like that. Then morning comes around and he's often tired from a crappy night's sleep. I feel terrible, and he goes off to work in a fog.

We have gotten in a couple of doozy fights on the topic! I know that I am driving him nuts. I'm driving myself nuts! But there is nothing I can do about it right now, and honestly, I don't want to stress about it right now either! When I go back to work, if I have to take a xanax to get back to sleep, or get an RX for sleeping pills from my doctor if it is still a problem, I'll deal with it. But until then, when I stress about it, I just lay awake even longer!

So there it is. That's my problem. Any suggestions? Both on the fighting with my man front and on the I can't sleep front? Do others struggle with insomnia? Is this a "Celiac thing?" I mean, since their is a special section for it here on the boards, I figure it was common enough with "us" to warrant it.

Thanks guys and gals! I don't want to break up with him, but I do want to stop having the same fight over and over.

[kareng]

Many, many moons ago, when I was pregnant I would wake up and not be able to go back to sleep. I would get up and sit with feet up/lay on sofa and read or watch TV. I would usually get really sleepy quickly but if I stayed in bed I would not get back to sleep.

When you read about how to combat sleep issues, one of the important things is that bed is only for sleeping and "getting tired before sleeping". Using a computer in bed is not relaxing. Get up and go into another room for awhile. That way BF can keep sleeping and you can associate the bed with sleep.

P.S. You have really pretty hair.

[tarnalberry]

Regardless of his claim that you can stay in bed and not bother him, you are clearly bothering him. So get out of bed and leave the room when you wake up (quietly, of course). It might also help if you TELL HIM that you are going to do something about this if it's still a problem in a few weeks.

I might ask, though, why you're waiting? You're not going to get the QUALITY of sleep that you need, even if you're taking naps (which, as a new mom, I'm living proof of, and you might remember from when your kids were newborns). That means you're missing on restorative rest you need, and it will make it harder to not take naps and feel well rested when you do go back to school. Perhaps it's better to try to do something about it now? Or, rather, what's the good reason for waiting, rather than just the excuse?

[GlutenFreeManna]

I struggle with insomnia now too. I don't know if it is related to celiac or not. Prior to going gluten free I had the opposite problem of sleeping all the time and never feeling rested. Now if I force myself to get enough sleep I don't fall asleep during the day. But it is really hard to make myself go to sleep. My mind is always awake. I stay up reading things on the internet too, but I never stay in the bedroom. I try not to wake my husband, but I do often wake him when I come to bed. I have been trying to set a curfew of between 11 PM and midnight for myself. If I find myself up past midnight and I'm not sleepy I don't even bother going to the bedroom, I sleep on the couch. My husband has to go to work early in the morning-- I know if I wake him up at 1 or 2 AM coming to bed he will not be able to go back to sleep and will just get up a couple hours early. Then he's more exhausted when he gets home. Then we argue about stupid stuff because we are both tired. It's much better when we both have enough sleep.

I think, even though your boyfriend says you can stay in bed, you should get up and go to another room. I used to use the laptop in bed sometimes while my hubby was trying to read and the sound of the keyboard and clicking bothered him. It's better for both of you if you don't even take the laptop into the bedroom to begin with. The bedroom should be for sex and sleep only. If you have the laptop in there then you are associating being in bed with being awake reading things online (stimulating your mind). Your mind is going to be less likely to see bed as a place to rest and you make it harder for yourself to fall asleep and stay asleep. Also try not to drink liquids after a certain time of day so you don't have to wake up to pee. My frequent/urgent urination went away after several months gluten free. If you still have this even when you cut back on liquids around bedtime then talk to your doctor.

[jackay]

I agree that you should go to another room so your boyfriend can get some sleep. There is no need for both of you to lose sleep. I am married and still am sleeping in a separate bedroom than my spouse. That may change soon as my sleep is continuing to get better.

I was not pleasant to be around when I wasn't sleeping but tried not to be too crabby with my husband. I know if he didn't get his sleep, he would be a bear to live with. There was a lot of strain on our marriage because of my gluten intolerance. How couldn't there be when I was a basket case. I don't think we would have made it if he didn't get sleep either.

My insomnia didn't seem much improvement after going gluten free but my anxiety went away completely within just a few days. I always thought the insomnia was due to the anxiety and that wasn't the case. The insomnia was caused by candida, which may or may not be contributing to your sleep problems. Do some research on it and see if it sounds like that could be causing you to stay awake.

I now average 7 hours of sleep a night now. Last night I even slept for 8. I still have an occasional night when I only get a couple hours of sleep but they are getting further and further apart. Before I cut out gluten and treated the candida, I would often get about total 4-6 hours a sleep over three nights. Often I would not get any sleep for two nights straight and then I would sleep the 4-6 hours the third night. I couldn't then and still can't sleep during the day.

Xanax didn't give me any relief for the anxiety and didn't help with sleep. No sleep aids helped either except for Ambien which give me five hours of sleep a night and almost caused me to take my life. My anxiety, which I thought couldn't get any worse, went through the ceiling. I literally paced day and night. I was a passenger in our car coming home from my sons house and contemplated jumped out of it because I couldn't stay sitting.

Life has gotten so much better! I still feel tired most of the time but now it is a functional tired. I expect that to improve, too.

[Skylark]

I used to have insomnia, before I went gluten-free and onto good vitamins. (Now I sleep great!) I've been in two different relationships where my insomnia caused problems. I don't know what it is about men insisting they want to sleep next to a tossing/turning bedmate.

In both cases, I finally put my foot down and started quietly going to the living room when I couldn't sleep. It takes a little reassurance. "Yes I love you. Yes I want to share my bed with you. Yes you're still hot/sexy/handsome. I'm just not sleeping well right now and no sense in both of us being tired." If I was lucky I'd get sleepy after reading for a while and be able to either come back to bed or just fall asleep on the couch. Both times, after my partner got a few nights of good sleep he agreed that he had been silly. It's amazing how the fighting settles down when at least one person in the couple is getting good rest.

By the way, working on a laptop late at night or in the middle of the night is one of the worst possible things you can do for insomnia. Computer light is blue and gazing into blue light will shift your already-troubled circadian rhythms. TV isn't much better. I suggest you switch over to reading by incandescent light with blue blocking glasses late at night and when you wake up at odd hours.

[Looking for answers]

Hi, I take Isotonix L-tryptophan (sp?) each night before bed. It keeps me asleep, I wake up refreshed and it helps with anxiety, too!

[missceliac2010]

P.S. You have really pretty hair.

Thanks! **Blush**

Regardless of his claim that you can stay in bed and not bother him, you are clearly bothering him. So get out of bed and leave the room when you wake up (quietly, of course). It might also help if you TELL HIM that you are going to do something about this if it's still a problem in a few weeks.

I might ask, though, why you're waiting? You're not going to get the QUALITY of sleep that you need, even if you're taking naps (which, as a new mom, I'm living proof of, and you might remember from when your kids were newborns). That means you're missing on restorative rest you need, and it will make it harder to not take naps and feel well rested when you do go back to school. Perhaps it's better to try to do something about it now? Or, rather, what's the good reason for waiting, rather than just the excuse?

Great advice. I probably should address the issue asap. I was just hoping that if I gave my body some more time to heal, it would work itself out. I'm newly diagnosed, and it seemed to be getting better until this stupid root canal/cap nightmare. But I will be TELLING HIM that I am leaving the room for sure! Thanks!

The bedroom should be for sex and sleep only. If you have the laptop in there then you are associating being in bed with being awake reading things online (stimulating your mind). Your mind is going to be less likely to see bed as a place to rest and you make it harder for yourself to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Also great advice. Thanks. That used to be my motto, bedrooms are for sleeping and sex only! But I think he is jealous/worried/paranoid that I will "do something" he "doesn't like" or "be sneaky" if I'm not lying right next to him in bed while on my laptop. He'll have to get over it and just trust me.

The insomnia was caused by candida, which may or may not be contributing to your sleep problems. Do some research on it and see if it sounds like that could be causing you to stay awake.

Thanks Jakay. I will do that research. Today. In the daylight! LOL! I'll try anything at this point!

I've been in two different relationships where my insomnia caused problems. I don't know what it is about men insisting they want to sleep next to a tossing/turning bedmate.

In both cases, I finally put my foot down and started quietly going to the living room when I couldn't sleep. It takes a little reassurance. "Yes I love you. Yes I want to share my bed with you. Yes you're still hot/sexy/handsome. I'm just not sleeping well right now and no sense in both of us being tired."

Thanks for commiserating with me! I do think he has some insecurities about me leaving the bedroom at night. I'm not doing anything. Jeez! I love him, and we have a good s*x life... nothing to worry about. I just can't sleep and I keep him up.

Hi, I take Isotonix L-tryptophan (sp?) each night before bed. It keeps me asleep, I wake up refreshed and it helps with anxiety, too!

One more thing to try. Thanks!

I am having lunch with him today and I am putting all of these suggestions into action asap! We are talking about the other room when I wake thing at lunch!! Thanks ladies and gentlemen! And if you have more to add...keep it coming! As usual, this board is my lifeline right now and you are all wonderful!!!

[GlutenFreeManna]

Also great advice. Thanks. That used to be my motto, bedrooms are for sleeping and sex only! But I think he is jealous/worried/paranoid that I will "do something" he "doesn't like" or "be sneaky" if I'm not lying right next to him in bed while on my laptop. He'll have to get over it and just trust me.

What could he possibly think you are doing? Cheating on him with someone online? If he can't trust you than you should find someone else. You just need to be upfront with him that you can't sleep and promise him you are not doing anything "bad" or "wrong" online. Leave your browser history intact and invite him to check your history if he thinks there is anything fishy going on. Assure him you have nothing to hide, you just can't sleep. Also let him know you are planning on getting help for the sleep problem if it doesn't resolve itself soon.

[GFinDC]

You could try some melatonin at night also.

[missceliac2010]

Thanks, I am taking it every night. I have heard that you have to take it every night for a while before it works. I'm also taking 2-3 instead of 1-2 as the directions say. That was on the advise of a GNC employee when I complained it wasn't working. It's only been about a week of consistent use on my part, so if it starts to work it I hope it happens soon.

To the person that asked "what does he think I'm doing at night on my laptop..." ( sorry I'm on my phone and can't do multi-quote. I guess he worries about chatting and or meeting people online. I like the idea of giving him full access to my browser history until he 'gets over himself.'

Again thanks for the help. I've addressed the issue with my bf today and I hope to have a better night tonight.

You could try some melatonin at night also.

[missceliac2010]

Hello friends.

I just wanted to close this thread with my good news. After a nice long talk with the bf, and implementing some of the strategies you all told me to try, I have slept through the night for 2 nights in a row! Granted, it was only 6 hours straight, but for me, that was huge! I had been on the melatonin for about 2 weeks, and I wonder if the melatonin finally "kicked in?" I'm sure that helped, and of course the other suggestions and changes I made because of them. I took the computer out of the bedroom, stopped drinking liquids 2 hours before bed, started a regular bed time, etc. Its been great.

Thanks to everyone for the help!

[tarnalberry]

a few years ago, I started turning down the lights in the evening, avoiding the computer/tv in the half hour or hour before bed, and generally trying to let my environment better reflect that natural light environment; definitely has been a good move on the sleep front.

[GFinDC]

Good to hear you are having some success! I read a thing on Wiki about florescent lights and sleep disorders the other day. They suggest some colors off florescent lights are bad for sleep. I read something about brown sunglasses for filtering out the non-sleepy light colors also. Got to get me some melatonin too, I ran out quite a while ago.

[txplowgirl]

For close to 40 yrs I would only sleep about 4 hrs a night and not all at once. Since going gluten free and taking 5mg Melatonin and 500 mgs 5-HTP. I get at least 7 to 8 hrs straight. 5-HTP helps with your anxiety levels.

Try it you might like it. LOL

[MommyStina]

I don't know if this is too late or not, but one suggestion I do have for you as well. I am also an insomniac and have been for a long time. I try to avoid napping, because that always makes it worse for me. I do find that the days that I get a really good run in I sleep well. Another insomniac friend of mine also swears that the weeks she sleeps are those when she is working out consistently. Just something to consider. Hope you are still sleeping well!