Christmas Presents. Ugh!

[Juliebove]

It's that time again. I like to shop early. And this year I am pretty much at a loss for everyone. But mostly for my daughter. She turned 12 in July and hasn't even used or opened most of the gifts she got for her birthday. I think she is just at a hard age.

I know some girls her age like makeup, perfume, clothes, shoes, etc. She is not at that point yet. Once in a while she will ask for a piece of clothing. But mostly I just buy things on clearance and she just wears them. She does have pierced ears. But she rarely ever wants to change her earrings. She has dozens of pairs she has been given as gifts over the years, still waiting to be worn. She does collect socks but she has hundreds of pairs and really doesn't need any more. My parents always gave us things like underwear, socks, pajamas, robe and slippers for Christmas. She doesn't need any of those things. She has tons of nail polish that people gave her as gifts. Never opened.

She doesn't like to read. She was given a book store gift certificate for her birthday. I took her there and insisted that she pick out some things to read for school. She refused to make any selections. I ended up choosing books for her and she hates them. She did choose some jigsaw puzzles. But she really doesn't like those either. And the one that we tried to do was just too difficult.

She has pretty much every board game out there. She does play some computer games but online. She has her own computer. She has a Nintendo DS, but doesn't use it much any more and says she doesn't want any games for it. She has a couple of Ipods that she never uses. Has Itunes gift cards she will probably never use.

She is getting too old for toys. She just went through everything she owns and got rid of most all of it except for some of the Barbies. She does still play with those.

My mom and I have bought her collectible dolls over the years. She shows no interest.

She has a portable DVD player but rarely watches any DVDs outside of her dance recital videos. She got videos for her birthday that she will probably never watch.

Her only real interests that I know of are dance and Facebook. She spends pretty much every spare minute on Facebook. She doesn't really need anything for dance. I have bought her all sorts of books about it (including what the teachers recommended). She has all the clothes, shoes, exercise equipment, etc. She takes dance very seriously. It is possible that I may be able to buy her some private dance lessons as a gift. But she takes so many classes the way it is, that finding a time to do it would be difficult.

I have gotten a couple of stocking stuffers for her but am at a loss as to anything else to get her. I feel like I bombed on her birthday. I bought her a fancy locket that she will probably never wear. Some craft projects she will probably never do. She does seem to like craft projects but I never know which ones. She recently gave away tons of craft kits and supplies. She never used the sewing machine I got her a few years ago. And she doesn't really like gift cards because she hates shopping.

She did tell me that she no longer believes in Santa Claus, but she does expect things to be under the tree and in her stocking. I am hoping she might find something she wants between now and then. But in the meantime I am at a loss to think of what to buy for her. Any suggestions?

[Emilushka]

As much as it hurts me to suggest this, you can purchase Facebook bucks (or whatever they call them) in a gift certificate for her. If all she likes is FB, maybe that's what would make you THE SUPER COOLEST EVER. Who knows. At that age, it's a crap shoot.

[Dixiebell]

Are there any broadway shows or ballet performances she might want to see?

That was about the age of my daughter when I would just let her pick out most of her gifts. By the time Christmas came she had forgotten about them.

Does she have a didital camera? A digital picture frame? A cell phone?

[kareng]

That was and is a hard age for boys, too. What they did want was expensive ( iPod touch, xBox, etc). I just said that no one knows what to get them, to think of some things. They usually pick a big gift from the grandparents - iTouch for one & money for car stereo for the other).

Here are a few things mine like:

Movie theater gift certificates

Expensive chocolates & truffles

Sports tickets or concert tickets with an extra for a friend

Something that would be too expensive ( Uggs boots if you would normally buy Walmart copies)

Or:

manicures

Hair color or highlights

A comfy chair for her room

Good luck!

[kareng]

Just thought of some little silly things that might be fun. you can see if she might like them or something along these lines

Dart board

Yoyo & video

Stilts

Nerf gun

Nerf basketball goal that hangs on a door

Exercise equipment like a balance board ( think fun not workout)

Small pet like a guinea pig ( give a homemade coupon to let her pick out)

Some special food item that you don't buy often cause it's pricy or hard to get ( special soda, candy, etc)

Frame some of her ballet pictures

Take the things out of the package and put the basketball goal on the door of her room & the balls next to the computer. She will probably use it while doing homework.

Ask her friends or friends parents what they want for Christmas. Look at what the other ballerinas have. Maybe there is a special bag or hair holder that's popular.

[Jestgar]

How about starting with a mom-daughter day and collecting up all the things she got that she never used? Where I live there's an organization that takes donations for presents. Financially strapped people can choose a gift for their child for free. I had a bunch of yarn I was never going to use so I made knitting kits with enough yarn for a scarf and needles that could be used to learn to knit with. Packaged these in cute bags and turned a couple dollars worth of yarn into an actual present.

[missy'smom]

I have a one and only, now 12 year old. We have unused gifts in the closet too. Last year at Xmas and birthday, when people asked what to give I asked for $ towards summer camp. I set up a "camp/summer fund" and it worked really well. I don't think I heard the words "I'm bored" all summer. He got several weeks of camp and new soccer shoes for soccer camp plus a few other things. He really wants to go on an overnight camp and most of them are beyond our budget so we'll do the summer camp fund again. You wouldn't have to do a camp fund, it could be "summer fun" or with some other time or activity in mind.

I've asked for movie gift cards too and they've been well spent.

I would love $ towards soccer team costs, hint hint to the relatives..., we can scrape by but these kind of gifts free us up to use our resources for other things and kiddo benefits from them more than anything else they give.

What about a room redecorate? Mine's OK with how his is but he's really outgrown it. He could really use new, grown up bedding, curtains etc.

My son's been asking for an ipod. Grandpa is buying him a small, inexpensive digital camera this week for taking on field trips.

I can come up with things for others to give him but as for us...I'll be scratching my head trying to figure this out soon enough myself. Good luck.

I think for the most part we may be moving away from many personal gifts and simplifying things. We started giving gifts to a charity the past two years.

Oh, one idea we tossed around was starting an ornament collection and DS really liked the idea. The idea was to let him pick out one special ornament each year and that would become his collection that he would take with him when he moves out on his own. I would encourge him to choose something themed with something that refects his or what happened that year. He said he would like to also choose one for me each year as a gift. I had mentioned that I was tiring of the old ornaments that we've had for decades in some cases.

[ravenwoodglass]

You have gotten a lot of great ideas. The first thing I thought of was a camera. Something else you may want to consider since she already has lots of 'stuff' that is unused is how about a certificate of deposit? Could help toward setting up a habit of saving and come in handy when she is ready for college, especially if she lets it roll over every year. I had one kid that was a real 'saver' and one that would rather have the cash to spend.

Then give her some small stuff. I like to give my kids something I make every year. The only time I regreted it was when I did afgans for all. Nothing like washing and blocking multiple afgans a day or two before Xmas. No fun.

[Juliebove]

  On 10/13/2010 at 11:59 AM, Emilushka said:

As much as it hurts me to suggest this, you can purchase Facebook bucks (or whatever they call them) in a gift certificate for her. If all she likes is FB, maybe that's what would make you THE SUPER COOLEST EVER. Who knows. At that age, it's a crap shoot.

I have seen those but doubt she would use them for anything. She plays a couple of the free games on there but mostly just chats with friends. Thanks though!

[Juliebove]

  On 10/13/2010 at 12:08 PM, Dixiebell said:

Are there any broadway shows or ballet performances she might want to see?

That was about the age of my daughter when I would just let her pick out most of her gifts. By the time Christmas came she had forgotten about them.

Does she have a didital camera? A digital picture frame? A cell phone?

She has a digital camera that she got several years ago for her birthday. It's still in the package and she shows no signs of ever wanting to use it. So the digital picture frame would be of no use. She has a cell phone. Doesn't use it either.

As for the shows... She does want to see the Nutcracker because a girl she knows is in it. However it is only showing in Seattle this time and I won't drive there. Ditto for any other shows.

[Juliebove]

  On 10/13/2010 at 12:26 PM, kareng said:

That was and is a hard age for boys, too. What they did want was expensive ( iPod touch, xBox, etc). I just said that no one knows what to get them, to think of some things. They usually pick a big gift from the grandparents - iTouch for one & money for car stereo for the other).

Here are a few things mine like:

Movie theater gift certificates

Expensive chocolates & truffles

Sports tickets or concert tickets with an extra for a friend

Something that would be too expensive ( Uggs boots if you would normally buy Walmart copies)

Or:

manicures

Hair color or highlights

A comfy chair for her room

Good luck!

She already has two pairs of Uggs. Doesn't ever use her room. Already has the highlights. Isn't interested in any of the other things. But thanks!

[Juliebove]

  On 10/13/2010 at 12:44 PM, Jestgar said:

How about starting with a mom-daughter day and collecting up all the things she got that she never used? Where I live there's an organization that takes donations for presents. Financially strapped people can choose a gift for their child for free. I had a bunch of yarn I was never going to use so I made knitting kits with enough yarn for a scarf and needles that could be used to learn to knit with. Packaged these in cute bags and turned a couple dollars worth of yarn into an actual present.

She already got rid of most of her things this summer. What she has left is birthday presents that are in a bag and a few gift cards that are in my purse. I think she has a hard time getting rid of the things because she feels the gift givers will get mad at her. And often they do!

She tried the knitting thing a couple of years ago and hated it.

Thanks!

[Juliebove]

  On 10/13/2010 at 1:37 PM, ravenwoodglass said:

You have gotten a lot of great ideas. The first thing I thought of was a camera. Something else you may want to consider since she already has lots of 'stuff' that is unused is how about a certificate of deposit? Could help toward setting up a habit of saving and come in handy when she is ready for college, especially if she lets it roll over every year. I had one kid that was a real 'saver' and one that would rather have the cash to spend.

Then give her some small stuff. I like to give my kids something I make every year. The only time I regreted it was when I did afgans for all. Nothing like washing and blocking multiple afgans a day or two before Xmas. No fun.

She already has a camera but never uses it.

She doesn't understand the certificate of deposit. She has gotten them before and to her they are no big deal. Just like cash is no big deal for her. She is good at saving. She doesn't like to spend.

I do get her an ornament every year. That way when she moves out she will have quite a few for her tree.

I did the afghan one year and kicked myself for once again making a granny square. They are such a pain to sew together! I don't know what became of it. Haven't seen it for many years.

[kareng]

Julie,

These were all meant as suggestions or examples. Sounds like your daughter doesn't need or want anything. I would then suggest you have her shop for someone her age who is less fortunate. But, since she hates shopping, maybe you should just give the money you would have spent to a Christmas charity.

[Jestgar]

A make-up class? -- she is almost thirteen.

Girls slumber party blowout?

A stretch class that will help her with her dance moves?

An entirely off the wall dance class, like belly dancing?

A fab framed photo of her dancing?

[celiac-mommy]

Gift cards meant for a day out, just the 2 of you? Then you can plan a day to go out, just the 2 of you, go to a nice lunch at her fav restaurant, a movie, museum, etc....

The following is not in any way meant to be offensive or rude, just my opinion and what I would do if I was in the same pickle with my dd:

Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean you have to buy her a darned thing. That's not what the holiday is about. IMHO, if my dd told me she 'expected' to have a pile of presents under the tree, she'd get a fat nothing. I'd spend more time teaching her about what Christmas is about and then I'd take her to volunteer at a soup kitchen downtown--which I will do anyway when she's a bit older. I only buy gifts when they are meaningful, not because I have to!

[Juliebove]

  On 10/13/2010 at 3:35 PM, Jestgar said:

A make-up class? -- she is almost thirteen.

Girls slumber party blowout?

A stretch class that will help her with her dance moves?

An entirely off the wall dance class, like belly dancing?

A fab framed photo of her dancing?

She already knows how to use makeup but just doesn't use it. She takes a stretch class. She thinks belly dancing is silly. I did ask her about it already. The slumber party might work but I can see it as being a problem too. We can not have one here at the house. Our house is just too small. The one she had was at a hotel but had a limit of four kids. She opted not to do that last time because she couldn't pare it down to just four. I might be able to get the framed photo. There is a photographer at the studio. We just wouldn't have anywhere to put it. No wall space left.

[Juliebove]

  On 10/13/2010 at 4:11 PM, celiac-mommy said:

Gift cards meant for a day out, just the 2 of you? Then you can plan a day to go out, just the 2 of you, go to a nice lunch at her fav restaurant, a movie, museum, etc....

The following is not in any way meant to be offensive or rude, just my opinion and what I would do if I was in the same pickle with my dd:

Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean you have to buy her a darned thing. That's not what the holiday is about. IMHO, if my dd told me she 'expected' to have a pile of presents under the tree, she'd get a fat nothing. I'd spend more time teaching her about what Christmas is about and then I'd take her to volunteer at a soup kitchen downtown--which I will do anyway when she's a bit older. I only buy gifts when they are meaningful, not because I have to!

To us that is what it is about. We are not religious. I got her gift cards last year. She wasn't too thrilled. As for restaurants, she doesn't have a favorite one and really hates going out to eat. She doesn't like museums either, nor do I. At this age, she doesn't really like going out with me either. But she also doesn't want to be left off somewhere. Perhaps in a year or so she will feel old enough for me to do that. I am starting today to leave her off at dance class. We'll see how that goee.

[kareng]

Well, I give up!

[Juliebove]

  On 10/13/2010 at 9:36 PM, kareng said:

Well, I give up!

Thanks for your suggestions. I guess I am just as hard to buy for. There really isn't anything I need. I did already ask for a certain type of clothes hanger. My intent is to replace all of the tubular ones and perhaps my pants hangers with these. They are the velvet covered ones. So far I am just doing a little bit at a time.

I just wish daughter would think of something she wants. Overall, I guess it has been pretty easy.

I have a neice who is soon to be 18. I used to take her shopping and it was difficult to go down any aisle in any store or worse yet the mall! She saw sooo many things she would want. And she would usually pitch a fit if she didn't get something.

My daughter rarely ever asks for things. And when she does find something she wants, she asks if she can buy it with her own money.

[Darn210]

Start the "first car" fund. Then you've got several years worth of Christmases and Birthdays where you can add to it and when she's ready for a car (at age 16) or when you are ready for her to have a car (at age 27), you've got a good start. Plus you've got pre$ent$ figured out for the next several years.

We try to throw equipment/stuff for some new hobby each year as one of the presents. Last year it was rock tumbling (everyone was excited about it but nobody has done anything with it(yet)). This year will be goecaching. We've had some hits and some misses . . . skateboarding was a bigtime miss but that's just part of the process of figuring out what's going to spark someone's interest.

Perhaps your daughter would like a barely used skateboard for Christmas?

[Jestgar]

Julie, both you and your daughter sound like people who only want exactly what they want, so why do Christmas the way everyone else does? If she can buy what she wants during the year, give her a 'Christmas fund' to be used any time during the next year. It wouldn't be "her" money, it's her Christmas present that she gets to use whenever she wants. Decide what happens to any left over at the end of the year (charity, food for homeless, pet food for humane society), she can do anything with it but keep it.

You can either put restrictions on what she can buy or not, only you know how sensibly she'd use it.

[Juliebove]

  On 10/13/2010 at 10:34 PM, Darn210 said:

Start the "first car" fund. Then you've got several years worth of Christmases and Birthdays where you can add to it and when she's ready for a car (at age 16) or when you are ready for her to have a car (at age 27), you've got a good start. Plus you've got pre$ent$ figured out for the next several years.

We try to throw equipment/stuff for some new hobby each year as one of the presents. Last year it was rock tumbling (everyone was excited about it but nobody has done anything with it(yet)). This year will be goecaching. We've had some hits and some misses . . . skateboarding was a bigtime miss but that's just part of the process of figuring out what's going to spark someone's interest.

Perhaps your daughter would like a barely used skateboard for Christmas?

The car fund sounds like a good idea. For some reason she really knows about cars. She can point out and does, various makes and models and she can tell at a glance whether a car is old or new. She also seems to know when the new models come out. She just identified a new VW yesterday. I keep telling her when she needs to get a job with her uncle when she grows up. Too bad he lives in another state! He sells used cars and is a mechanic.

She used to collect Matchbox cars. She had them twice. Once as a toddler. She got rid of them all and then a few years later, wanted more of them. She got rid of most of them recently. She did keep a very few of the larger ones. Not Matchbox but the ones that sell for about $5.00. She really likes VWs.

As for the skateboard, we do have one. It's a mini one. I got it for my husband one year. I really never know what to get for him either. I had ordered some stuff online for daughter and they were offering this for $5.00. He used it a few times and she used it a few times. I'm not sure if they've used it since we moved here.

When we lived in military housing, it was easy for them to ride bikes, scooters, skateboards and such. They could pretty much do it anywhere and there wasn't a lot of traffic.

Here, you can not ride bikes on the sidewalk. Oh, the kids do it! And I have even seen some adults do it. But it is against the law. You have to ride them in the street and that is pretty dangerous. There are some streets that have bus lanes but I see people drive their cars in them all the time. Not sure where they can ride the skateboards and scooters. Hmmm...

[Juliebove]

  On 10/13/2010 at 10:44 PM, Jestgar said:

Julie, both you and your daughter sound like people who only want exactly what they want, so why do Christmas the way everyone else does? If she can buy what she wants during the year, give her a 'Christmas fund' to be used any time during the next year. It wouldn't be "her" money, it's her Christmas present that she gets to use whenever she wants. Decide what happens to any left over at the end of the year (charity, food for homeless, pet food for humane society), she can do anything with it but keep it.

You can either put restrictions on what she can buy or not, only you know how sensibly she'd use it.

She really only buys sensible things. I never have to worry about what she would buy with it. She already has a charity fund. Any money that she finds in the street, or on a store floor or wherever, or any money that people give her gets donated to help various cats and dogs. Either senior pets, homeless pets, or pets who live with senior citizens who can't afford their care. The locket and other things I got her for her birthday came from a place where they help feed homeless cats. There are two such places I know of. They donate so many bowls of food based on the price of the item you buy. I thought at least she would appreciate that aspect of it and she did.

[ravenwoodglass]

  On 10/13/2010 at 11:32 PM, Juliebove said:

She really only buys sensible things. I never have to worry about what she would buy with it. She already has a charity fund. Any money that she finds in the street, or on a store floor or wherever, or any money that people give her gets donated to help various cats and dogs. Either senior pets, homeless pets, or pets who live with senior citizens who can't afford their care. The locket and other things I got her for her birthday came from a place where they help feed homeless cats. There are two such places I know of. They donate so many bowls of food based on the price of the item you buy. I thought at least she would appreciate that aspect of it and she did.

If she likes to give to help out animals what about giving her some cash and earmarking it for the pets. Then spend a day going out and loading the car with pet toys, towels, litter and food and delivering it to various shelters and organizations. Some kids enjoy giving more than getting. You could drag out the camera she hasn't used and take her picture at each place and do a scrapbook. Colleges like kids that have voluteered in some way to make the world better for those less fortuate so that scrapbook could help her when it's time to start the college ap process.