Jump to content
This site uses cookies. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. More Info... ×
  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.




  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):
    GliadinX



    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):
    GliadinX


  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Friend In Denial


domesticactivist

Recommended Posts

domesticactivist Collaborator

I have a very close friend who knows all about celiac (her mom has it) and who has health problems and believes it is gluten (she did atkins before and felt her best ever) but still insists on baking bread all the time. She also has a son with ADHD issues who has some weird gi stuff, and a tween daughter who has always had an extreme skin rash all over her arms, legs, and face.

The daughter wants to go gluten free but my friend says no way. She's seen another friend and her daughter cure similar symptoms with gaps and maintain gluten free, and has seen my son's improvement gluten free. I don't like seeing her choose this for herself, but she can make her own decisions. But I especially don't like seeing her denial applied to her daughter, who would love to get tested and try the diet if it might bring her some relief and help her avoid future complications.

We've talked about her choice but I haven't brought up her daughter. They even have good insurance and could get any and all testing paid for easily. The prob is, she knows the problem and doesn't want proof. I'm afraid really taking any kind of stand would irreparably damage our friendship. We've been close for many years, her kids are my kids' best friends, she is my camp fire coleader, we are both homeschoolers, we have lots of mutual friends, and she lives only 5 minutes away. This is not a friendship I want to give up.

I've thought about offering her daughter an extended visit at our place (i bet she could trade off with our other friend) where she can go gluten free and learn to cook for herself but she'd still get cc when she got home, and her mom might have to shop/store food differently. She could store her own pots and dishes and food in her room to help with that, though. She could still do her normal activities and get family time at home. One prob with this would be the lack of testing.

How would you approach this situation? Do you think this idea could be broached in a way that would not damage the friendship or come across as an attack on her parenting?


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Skout Organic
NutHouse! Granola Co.



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):
GliadinX


LDJofDenver Apprentice

Boy that's a tough situation. Perhaps an educational approach? Maybe you could get online and find some info about the damage done when celiac disease goes untreated, and print some articles out to share.

It would be great if the children could be diagnosed young, if they have it. Think of the years and decades of damage they could be spared. T

The irony here is that I know of families where every one in the house has gone gluten free, just so they won't run the risk of cross contaminating the two family members that have celiac disease.

domesticactivist Collaborator

Yeah. The thing is she already knows all about it. Maybe it's just going to take a while. I wish their dr would decide the girl needs testing! Our family is one of those who have gone totally gluten-free for one member. Actually, my ex has, too, so that's 2 households for 1 kid. We've got a different set of priorities on some things, I guess.

Takala Enthusiast

Hmm. Many people with celiac or gluten intolerance bake all the time, too. Just with none gluten ingredients. :blink: In fact, there may be a higher percentage of home bakers in the "gluten free lifestyle" than the normal population. There are many, many blogs with gluten free baking and cooking discussions.

One of the symptoms of gluten intolerance is being addicted to gluten, or at least finding excuses to keep eating it even when it's rather obvious it's causing problems.

This situation is also complicated by the fact that the testing is not always conclusive, and there can be false negatives on those blood tests, which then seem to give the person permission to continue consuming gluten. Or even worse, the doctor tells the patient it's not celiac, it's not gluten intolerant, their home version of a diet trial didn't mean anything, and they can continue to eat it.

The one person you have not mentioned is the dad in all of this, assuming there is one around, what is his attitude towards gluten free and is he contributing to the general attitude of non interest or even hostility ? I am guessing that this family socializes an awful lot in gluten bearing situations and just doesn't want to appear "different," and may not want to admit that is part of the dynamic, even.

domesticactivist Collaborator

Thanks. She does know about gluten-free baking but has spent years perfecting wheat breads. The dad is even worse about food... She'll make a feast from scratch and he'll run to taco bell. Despite health problems, he even still smokes (the wife quit!) I love so many things about them but this is a huge blind spot. I think any kind of change is highly threatening for some reason.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):
    Food for Life



  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      127,135
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748

    tlswartz
    Newest Member
    tlswartz
    Joined

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):
    NutHouse! Granola Co.


  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121k
    • Total Posts
      69.9k

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):
    GliadinX




  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):
    Skout Organic



  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Thelma Cadieux
      Thanks but I will check it out with my doctor, usually stress will trigger it,
    • Hopeful1950
      Has any doctor suggested taking a round of Dapsone?  If you have dermatitis herpetiformis, dapsone will clear it fairly quickly.  It is not a drug you would want to take forever, but when all else failed my doc had me take it as a way to determine if it was dermatitis herpetiformis.  Sure enough it worked like a miracle and itch stopped and after 2 months the rash cleared.  Then I embarked on figuring out how to eat to avoid the breakouts.  It is my understanding that once you expose to gluten, the reaction happens and antibodies are deposited in your skin.  They can blister right away or hang around for a long time and get "activated" by other things like your monthlies, pressure, stress...
    • Hopeful1950
      I use an app called Spoonful where you can scan labels and it will tell you whether it is safe, questionable (and why) and also something you can substitute.  It also makes it easier to see what is on the label.  There are some ingredients that I avoid in addition to gluten. You can also search the app by a category.  I just searched on "cosmetics and a few things popped up as compliant.  I think the app is mainly focused on food.  When I first started out reading labels was a nightmare and it took me so much time at the store.  This app has really helped me when I am looking at something new.  They update frequently, and if something isn't in their data base there is an AI function where you can enter...
    • Scott Adams
      It took me 2-3 years to feel like my gut recovered, and then I still had gluten ataxia issues for well over a decade.  This study indicates that a majority of celiacs don't recover until 5 years after diagnosis and starting a gluten-free diet: Mucosal recovery and mortality in adults with celiac disease after treatment with a gluten-free diet However, it's also possible that what the study really shows is the difficulty in maintaining a 100% gluten-free diet. I suspect that if you looked closely at the diets of those who did not recover within 2 years might be that their diets were not 100% gluten-free. Perhaps they ate out more often, or didn't understand all of the hidden ingredients where gluten can...
    • Thelma Cadieux
      Good idea, but make sure she does not require lactose free cheese,it is common in celiac patients. 
×
×
  • Create New...