Need Ideas For Summer

[domesticactivist]

It sounds like your daughter is in for a long summer. At her age dance was my life, too, and being out for even a week was a terrifying prospect. I really hope that she can get past the boredom and the disappointment and turn it into a memorable, positive experience. That is really up to HER, not YOU, and it will help if you can remember that as you undertake the sometimes frustrating experience of trying to stoke her interests.

Here are the things I think could help:

1. Figuring out if dietary changes can help with her health. (Keeping the focus off weight and calories, and on nutrition) My kids both were resistant at first but when they realized it could help them with problems they have (daughter extremely small for her age, has tourette's, both with attention problems, son with celiac, stomach aches, anxiety, joint pain, bone pain, attention problems, really bad allergies) they got into it.

2. I think this is not a great time to focus on academics, which have been a struggle in the past. The summer should be as fun as it can be, since it already sucks! Use it to build your relationship in an easy, positive way. For things to do around the house, even kids who hate reading can enjoy youtube.

- Maybe she could start a video blog about dance or something else she's interested in.

- Maybe she could go to lots of performances of plays, dance, concerts, etc and do podcast reviews.

- She could "write" stories by dictating them.

- She could get involved in giving back to others with projects she does at home, too. One project I really like for girls this age is to make reusable cloth menstrual pads for girls in "developing" countries who can't go to school without them.

3. Are there other, indoor classes/camps she could do instead of the dance camps? This way she'd be able to be in an air conditioned space and meet other kids.

- What about drawing classes? I'm not talking arts and crafts - I mean, like fine arts.

- Or a competition, like Destination Imagination.

- Since she likes performing arts, maybe singing - either in a choir or a camp or in private lessons? Singing and dancing go together great and having good posture is important to singing!

4. Maybe there is a way she could get involved in giving back to the community.

- She could volunteer to staff an info booth at a farmer's market.

- Or she could get involved at a nursing home, talking or playing games with the elders. Also, getting to hear about older folks' stories could spark new interests for her.

- She could even interview them about their life stories (video or sound recording), so that they can preserve their stories for their families.

- Elder care facilities often have gardens that are accessible by wheelchair - maybe she could help out in the gardens as well.

- My kids have been participating in our local community radio's youth collective, which is also fun. While they haven't done a lot of work on their segments which are sometimes very last minute, they enjoy going and have learned a lot about how radio works.

- She could table for a local animal shelter, or help out on pet adoption days.

Since you mentioned the learning issues, I wanted to share that my kids had major attention issues and were very "behind" in some areas. My daughter had a horrible time concentrating on math, and my son was extremely dyslexic. They both had a very hard time with any kind of structured learning (piano lessons, etc). Changing to the GAPS diet seriously altered all that. (I have our story on my website, linked from my profile) Right now, we're sliding a bit - I think the increase in fruits plus the high pollen counts have been responsible for that. It's so obvious now that they have a hard time when the diet/allergens are out of control!

It makes me really glad I didn't push practicing those skills too hard when their minds and bodies were too overwhelmed to handle that kind of activity. When they are healthy, those things come much more easily, and the strides they have made in the past few months have been almost unbelievable.

Is it possible that your daughter is experiencing brain fog as a result of her health issues? It also sounds like your daughter is a bit depressed. That would be very understandable under the circumstances, but could also be a result of a gut in need of restored health. Not wanting to try things is a classic depression symptom.

One of the things that struck me about your posts is that you say she hates certain things and just won't try them. As the parent of kids the same age and Camp Fire club leader, I can really relate to that feeling. I try to avoid ever saying my kids don't like something or won't try it, though, because kids can turn on a dime! Their *current* interests or lack therof don't need to become defining characteristics.

Both my kids hated writing, and my son was extremely dyslexic (at a kindy level at age 10) and had NO interest in reading or writing. Now, a few months later, he wants to write a book of his own, is flying through novels, and has dabbled in fan fiction. There was a boy in our club whose primary interest was WWII for years - everything came around to it no matter what. Now he's all about parkour and guitar. My daughter hated writing, but is now constantly in her email, chatting with her friends on google buzz, and even made a couple blogs for her Camp Fire Torches. My daughter was also a resolute vegetarian from age 4 to age 11. Not allowing that to become her *identity* made it easier for her to start eating meat again. She changed her mind about what was best for her - she didn't change *who she was.*

Especially at this age, when kids are creating their identities and searching out things that define them, I think it's important to frame that identity in a positive light - help them make it more about what they like than what they don't like.

Another thing I've noticed about most kids this age is that mastery feels really good. They are ready for things that take some hard work, and they are able to get really good at things. It sounds like your daughter really got that out of her dancing. If she can find other ways to experience I think it'll be great for her. It can take some pushing to help them get over that hurdle, though. I'd go ahead and sign her up for some things she doesn't think she wants to do, or take her with you while you do them. But I'd stay away from academics, which have been a sore point and which she'll get plenty of come fall.

[Juliebove]

Her dad lives in CA. He comes home every few weeks. I do not want her visiting him there because he will go out of his way to feed her wheat. He does not believe in food allergies.

My parents live nearby. She sees them weekly. Doesn't really like to stay with them because they can never remember what she is allergic to and my mom will try to insist that she eat something like crackers. But... They do not have AC so really going there isn't going to help.

I am trying to find places that would have AC.

I will try to look for museums. Neither of us much like going to such places. The only one I know of around here is very small and I don't think they have any wheelchairs.

Bothell. That would be too far away. Just found out today that one of her friends is going to Uganda for the summer. Gah! The tutor told her she could come over and play board games at her house with another girl who goes there. She doesn't want to do that.

[Juliebove]

She does sing really well but has no interest in doing it. Neither does she have any interest in any sort of arts or crafts. It doesn't help that her elementary school teachers said she was no good at art. That really stuck with her and now she is unwilling to try. That kind of annoyed me when they said that. I thought her drawings were good. They said they didn't show enough detail. I did find a brochure about art camps today but she refused.

Not so sure an old folks home would be a good place to go. Those places tend to be overheated and I need to find air conditioned places.

She would love to volunteer with Perfect Pals and they said she could, but... That would mean being active and she can't do that.

There has been a summer concert series here at Central Market on Fridays. Not sure if they are doing it this year or not. We used to arrive early, get salad bar stuff and buy a few things because we could never eat the food they served outside. She liked that at first. But now she has gotten picky with her music. She really isn't into music very much and the only kind she likes is dance music. Either hip hop, lyrical or jazz. I'm not sure we could find that kind of concert.

Her tutor gave her homework for the summer. She must do a half an hour three times a week and must go turn it in to her for accessment. I told her if it is hot she WILL be doing it at the library.

So far it hasn't gotten hot here. But I think when it does, she will be more willing to leave the house. I hope...

[Jestgar]

Y'know, there are lots of good suggestions here. I agree with what someone else said: If she's unwilling to try anything, then maybe she should sit home by herself, hot and bored. You can't always cater to what she wants.

[kareng]

Y'know, there are lots of good suggestions here. I agree with what someone else said: If she's unwilling to try anything, then maybe she should sit home by herself, hot and bored. You can't always cater to what she wants.

Perfect Pals is the animal shelter? Did you even explain your situation to them. Maybe they would have something for her. I think you are shooting down ideas before really finding out what is possible. The only reason I keep trying is I worry about your daughter & this negative attitude.

The animal shelter here has a thing called "cat socializer". I knew a kid who did that. They gave him the cats that were very shy. He sat quietly in an empty office & waited for the cat to come to him or get used to people. Sometimes they do that for dogs, too. They have a guinea pig right now they need someone to sit with it & cuddle & 2 rats that like to be read to (childrens books are OK) and petted.

I have offered my boys options but if they choose nothing, then they have to deal with it. When they get bored enough, they find other things to do. They even go back to kid stuff like legos or Dr Suess books (one is not a good reader).

If she really is this negative about everything - maybe she should have a workup for depression.

My kids have had friends that have had injuries and couldn't do much but they do what they can. They watch there friends games, play cards or board games, sit at the pool & put thier feet in, go to the mall & let a friend push them around in a wheelchair, drive the electric chair & grocery shop with mom, etc. A normal 12 year old would find things to do.

Remember when she starts whining that she is bored - The bedroom door closes and you can turn the TV volume up.

[Juliebove]

Perfect Pals is the animal shelter? Did you even explain your situation to them. Maybe they would have something for her. I think you are shooting down ideas before really finding out what is possible. The only reason I keep trying is I worry about your daughter & this negative attitude.

The animal shelter here has a thing called "cat socializer". I knew a kid who did that. They gave him the cats that were very shy. He sat quietly in an empty office & waited for the cat to come to him or get used to people. Sometimes they do that for dogs, too. They have a guinea pig right now they need someone to sit with it & cuddle & 2 rats that like to be read to (childrens books are OK) and petted.

I have offered my boys options but if they choose nothing, then they have to deal with it. When they get bored enough, they find other things to do. They even go back to kid stuff like legos or Dr Suess books (one is not a good reader).

If she really is this negative about everything - maybe she should have a workup for depression.

My kids have had friends that have had injuries and couldn't do much but they do what they can. They watch there friends games, play cards or board games, sit at the pool & put thier feet in, go to the mall & let a friend push them around in a wheelchair, drive the electric chair & grocery shop with mom, etc. A normal 12 year old would find things to do.

Remember when she starts whining that she is bored - The bedroom door closes and you can turn the TV volume up.

Purrfect Pals is the shelter. She can not volunteer until she is 13 but... They want specific things and those are not things she can do. Like cleaning out the litter boxes, feeding and playing with. Plus I would have to accompany her. At any rate, the rooms that the cats are in are hot! We have visited during the summer and I can't take it in there. This just wouldn't be an option.

The way it looks right now, she is not going to have any friends around this summer. Most will be at the dance studio. Two are moving away. Two are going elsewhere for the entire summer.

As for things like Legos or Dr. Suess, we don't have anything like that in the house. She got rid of all her toys except for Barbies. We haven't had any Dr. Suess for years! She pretty much outgrew those things by 2nd grade.

I don't think kids are allowed to drive the electric carts in the stores here. I think you have to have a driver's license in order to do that. But I'm not totally certain.

Sitting by a pool is not an option either. Mostly there are no pools here. And I don't want anything that is going to be outside or in a hot room. The only pools I know of are in hot, muggy rooms. Plus you can not just sit by them. You have to pay to go in the pool.

She is not really negative about things and I don't think she is depressed. She is just hot and in a lot of pain. And it's not even hot here yet. But apparently the corset is hot to wear. I wouldn't know. I have never had to wear one.

[Jestgar]

Sounds like it could be a tough summer. Maybe you could just try one of everything reasonable. Even if she still doesn't like it, it's one more day gone...

[Juliebove]

Sounds like it could be a tough summer. Maybe you could just try one of everything reasonable. Even if she still doesn't like it, it's one more day gone...

Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. I did say if it was hot she would be doing her homework at the library. I did look online. They do have a teen game night but it's while school is still on. They might have another one later. They do have computers but oddly you have to reserve them online!

[GlutenFreeManna]

Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. I did say if it was hot she would be doing her homework at the library. I did look online. They do have a teen game night but it's while school is still on. They might have another one later. They do have computers but oddly you have to reserve them online!

At my library they have a computer station set up that is JUST for reserving the computers. You go up to the station, scan your card and it prints off a little slip of when your time is for the next available one. You can also reserve before you go but if you are not there within 5 mintues of your time, your reservation is given away to the next person waiting. They also have WIFI however so you can bring your own computer and use the internet that way. Since you said your daughter has a netbook why don't you look into that? There may also be other public places where she could get online for free with her net book and just play games on facebook or something. Some places that have free wifi around here are: Starbucks coffee, Planet Smoothie, book stores, Panera, Chick-fil-a, McDonalds, Burger King...I know you can't eat at most of those places but you could get a coffee or iced tea or soda or lemonade for her or something and sit there as long as you want usually. Also look into public spaces at any universities or colleges in your area. A lot of schools now have passwords for their internet but some do not. Some have free open wi-fi in their libraries or other public buildings, including on campus cafe areas. Shopping malls are adding wifi a lot too. So if sitting and playing on the internet is something she will do you can probably find lots of places, some even with comfy couches (like at coffee shops and book stores).

[Juliebove]

At my library they have a computer station set up that is JUST for reserving the computers. You go up to the station, scan your card and it prints off a little slip of when your time is for the next available one. You can also reserve before you go but if you are not there within 5 mintues of your time, your reservation is given away to the next person waiting. They also have WIFI however so you can bring your own computer and use the internet that way. Since you said your daughter has a netbook why don't you look into that? There may also be other public places where she could get online for free with her net book and just play games on facebook or something. Some places that have free wifi around here are: Starbucks coffee, Planet Smoothie, book stores, Panera, Chick-fil-a, McDonalds, Burger King...I know you can't eat at most of those places but you could get a coffee or iced tea or soda or lemonade for her or something and sit there as long as you want usually. Also look into public spaces at any universities or colleges in your area. A lot of schools now have passwords for their internet but some do not. Some have free open wi-fi in their libraries or other public buildings, including on campus cafe areas. Shopping malls are adding wifi a lot too. So if sitting and playing on the internet is something she will do you can probably find lots of places, some even with comfy couches (like at coffee shops and book stores).

The Netbook is now broken. Seeing about getting it repaired is another thing we can do. The computer store around the corner doesn't do screen repairs. We will have to go into Seattle for that. Not sure if it is worth getting it repaired or not. If it doesn't cost too much I will pay for it. Then we will have a spare.

Meanwhile she bought a laptop. I felt bad because I couldn't pay for it. I did eventually pay for half of it but the past couple of months have been bad for money!

There are plenty of coffee places around here that have Wifi. I think you have to pay for it at Starbucks but not sure. No BK around here.

I did just order some Chillows. They were buy one get one half price. I got the sets where you get the large one and the mini.

Thankfully it hasn't been hot yet. Not even warm. I had long sleeves on yesterday and thought about turning on the heat but don't want to pay for it!

My mom just asked me about seeing a movie. I told her I want to save those for the hot days.

[Harpgirl]

There are plenty of coffee places around here that have Wifi. I think you have to pay for it at Starbucks but not sure.

Our Starbucks has a strange WiFi policy that is easily mistaken for needing to pay for it (and some of the baristas didn't understand it). You have to pick up one of their giftcards and put at least $5 on it. You can use this $5 for anything in the store, but you have to have an activated giftcard to be able to use the wifi (there is a code on the card that you enter into their site). So it's sort of free, you just have to make at least one purchase there which is understandable. I was able to use my card for months but then quit my work-from-home job after my second son was born. It may be a different policy at your store, so I would definitely check with them.

[GlutenFreeManna]

Our Starbucks has a strange WiFi policy that is easily mistaken for needing to pay for it (and some of the baristas didn't understand it). You have to pick up one of their giftcards and put at least $5 on it. You can use this $5 for anything in the store, but you have to have an activated giftcard to be able to use the wifi (there is a code on the card that you enter into their site). So it's sort of free, you just have to make at least one purchase there which is understandable. I was able to use my card for months but then quit my work-from-home job after my second son was born. It may be a different policy at your store, so I would definitely check with them.

Oh yeah mine had a similar policy only it wasn't a giftcard. You just had to buy something, anything and ask for the login code. They do that so people don't just sit in their car and borrow the wifi. You could buy a small coffee for 1.57 though. Sounds like a 1 time gift card is a better deal if you plan to go a lot and they never change the code.

[Harpgirl]

Oh yeah mine had a similar policy only it wasn't a giftcard. You just had to buy something, anything and ask for the login code. They do that so people don't just sit in their car and borrow the wifi. You could buy a small coffee for 1.57 though. Sounds like a 1 time gift card is a better deal if you plan to go a lot and they never change the code.

Yeah, actually, I wasn't required to put anymore money on the card, but I did anyway because after a while I would accumulate enough points on it to get a free latte.

[Juliebove]

Our Starbucks has a strange WiFi policy that is easily mistaken for needing to pay for it (and some of the baristas didn't understand it). You have to pick up one of their giftcards and put at least $5 on it. You can use this $5 for anything in the store, but you have to have an activated giftcard to be able to use the wifi (there is a code on the card that you enter into their site). So it's sort of free, you just have to make at least one purchase there which is understandable. I was able to use my card for months but then quit my work-from-home job after my second son was born. It may be a different policy at your store, so I would definitely check with them.

Ohhhhhhhhh. Okay. Somebody did try to explain that to me but they didn't do a very good job of it. Thanks!

[Harpgirl]

Ohhhhhhhhh. Okay. Somebody did try to explain that to me but they didn't do a very good job of it. Thanks!

No problem. Happy to help!

[domesticactivist]

Have you run all the ideas on this list by your daughter, or are you saying she wouldn't like them based on past experience?

The elder care facilities I've been to have air conditioning. Are you sure none of them do?

Also, I'd sign her up for a couple day camps whether she likes the idea of it or not. If she's not depressed now, she certainly will be after doing nothing but sitting in the house and never seeing friends or even other people. If she hates the camp, she'll have had a bad week. If not, she might make friends or discover a new interest. I'd say the reward is worth the risk.

Do you think part of the reason she doesn't want to try anything could be that she's wearing the corset and wouldn't want people to see her like that?

An aside - I thought I couldn't draw and hated trying art until just this year! I had to take a landscape illustration course, and I actually surprised myself. It was hard work, but I'm not as pathetic as I thought. This is something the teacher shared - I think it applies to all aspects of life:

Good Attitudes Toward Drawings:

Why you cannot draw well - 1. No confidence, 2. No proper drawing skill, 3. Want perfect drawings, 4. Want good GPA or big promotion, 5. Like to compare and compete with others, 6. Don’t like to be criticized, 7. Afraid of making mistakes.

Great drawings come from experiences of making mistakes. So don't procrastinate and just draw so the mistakes will take you to the next level of confidence.

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't draw, because you can! Don't allow yourself to become

discouraged.

The more time you spend on a drawing, the more chance you risk of ruining it.

There is no such thing called "perfect drawing", therefore, don't try too hard to draw. After all, you are a designer and not a draftsperson. Relax and be loose or you will lose it.

A drawing or a sketch is only a process, not a product like an art work. So you don't need to draw well as long as you can utilize it to communicate well with clients.

To be talented in drawing, one must work hard, learn graphic tricks and copy other people's good drawings.

When you teach somebody else, you practice twice. A sharing attitude is the right attitude. You will not lose what you share, but you will gain what people share with you.

Three criteria to obtain a good job: Good attitude, Great portfolio, and be Energetic. Grade Point Average in school doesn't mean a thing and can only make you tighter.

If you didn't do well on a drawing, simply tell yourself: "I am not done yet" or "I am a designer".

You must like what you draw, if someone laughs at your drawings, just simply say: May I see yours or can you show me how to do it, this will get them off your back.

A great designer is the one who has the ability to imitate (get inspired by) other people's work, and nobody can tell where it came from. So travel extensively to obtain design ideas.

Six levels of success from worst to best: (1) Complain at others. (2) Hate yourself. (3) Like yourself. (4) Like others. (5) Help others. (6) Help enemy.

There is success in loyalty. Be humble to be ahead. Be able to take criticism and have a sense of humor.

As students - poor but have time to travel, so go to Europe to gain design ideas. As professionals - have money but no time, so make time to enjoy life with family. Then be happy and have no regrets when you are older. Don't ever retire, just do less.

Life is about quality, not quantity and it is too short to worry too much. Work hard and play hard. Be loose or you will lose it.

Everyone dies eventually, yesterday is too late, tomorrow is not yours, and today is a “Present”. Before you leave the world, you have one responsibility to yourself - enjoy your life to the fullest. So draw faster with loose and good attitude.

[c12]

What about babysitting? I started when I was a little younger than her, and it's a great way to kill time and make some cash. She certainly wouldn't be lonely. And it doesn't have to involve anything too active - she can play board games with the kids, or have them watch movies.

Perhaps a penpal from another country? It would be a fun way to learn about another culture, while making a new friend.

[Juliebove]

Have you run all the ideas on this list by your daughter, or are you saying she wouldn't like them based on past experience?

The elder care facilities I've been to have air conditioning. Are you sure none of them do?

Also, I'd sign her up for a couple day camps whether she likes the idea of it or not. If she's not depressed now, she certainly will be after doing nothing but sitting in the house and never seeing friends or even other people. If she hates the camp, she'll have had a bad week. If not, she might make friends or discover a new interest. I'd say the reward is worth the risk.

Do you think part of the reason she doesn't want to try anything could be that she's wearing the corset and wouldn't want people to see her like that?

An aside - I thought I couldn't draw and hated trying art until just this year! I had to take a landscape illustration course, and I actually surprised myself. It was hard work, but I'm not as pathetic as I thought. This is something the teacher shared - I think it applies to all aspects of life:

Good Attitudes Toward Drawings:

Why you cannot draw well - 1. No confidence, 2. No proper drawing skill, 3. Want perfect drawings, 4. Want good GPA or big promotion, 5. Like to compare and compete with others, 6. Don