I Am A Widow At Age 42

[okieinalaska]

I haven't posted in a while but since having found out in January that I have Celiac I have been coping ok.

But last month while on a field trip with my daughters 5th grade class (2 days before school let out for the summer) my husband passed away, he was only 44 and had retired from the Coast Guard just last year after 20 years. (we had been married 20 years too) He had a seizure of some type. They were in a remote area and out quite a ways on a trail hiking. Long story short... over a month later I still don't know what happened yet. (Still haven't got a death certificate yet)

My mom jumped on the next plane from Oklahoma and got here the next day. My church, the boy scouts, people I work with, my bunco group and jujutsu friends have all really been there for us. And not just saying they will but actually showed up and did yard work, cleaned my house brought us gluten free meals, fixed the leaky sink and the handle on the oven that Doug had been meaning to fix for the last 6 months, donated enough paid time off that I was able to take over a month off at work and even more help than I can mention here.

I am so very greatful for all the help I have been given and I have told them all exactly that. I never knew people still did this kind of thing.

I am rambling now but I have been living on vanns gluten free waffles, peanut butter and salad it seems like. A friend who eats gluten free recently brought me home made gluten-free mac and cheese (wth bacon on top) and the most delicious pina colada muffins and smores. I have decided I need to eat better and finally feel like maybe I can cook. By the way the grief diet (just like the "gluten free diet") has not helped me lose weight.

So this last weekend my husbands family came up and visited. They came up on Sat. night and left Monday night. (they were barely here 48 hours, they left a day early to make sure they got out on standby) Now I love them all but it didn't seem like they were here to help us so much as themselves but I won't even get in to that. But I did manage to cook and made Doug's famous white lasagna which I had never made before. I had to change it to be gluten free of course and am happy to say it tasted just as good as when he made it. I also made a gluten free rhubarb pie that was very good too.

We are trying to get the house ready to sell but of course all those things we put off for so long have to be done now. So it will take us a while to do it but we will get it done. My family and Doug's family are all in Oklahoma so we are going to move back there once it's sold.

My kids and I are coping and adjusting as best we can. And we have lots of people helping us.

I read something the other day that asked how many of your friends do you think would actually be there for you if you really needed them? Well I know and it amazes me.

Hug your family and appreciate your friends.

[Roda]

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm not the best at words but we are all here for you too if you need to talk.

[ravenwoodglass]

I'm so sorry for your families loss. It is good that you have many freinds and family for support and it still must be very difficult. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[sa1937]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss...thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.

[SilverSlipper]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that others have gathered around you and your family during this time. You will be in my prayers.

[mommida]

I am so sorry for your loss.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

((HUGS))

[RL2011]

Amy,

I am sorry for your loss. It is nice to hear you have good support from friends and family.

I wish there was something I could do to help. You are in my thoughts.

[Takala]

I would be wanting to stay where my friends were and not moving, if I lived in a place like that. The severe weather has been especially horrible down here in many parts of the midwestern/southeastern lower 48 for over a decade, alternating between drought, flood, and tornados, and you could not pay me to move back to that part of the country. I love the open terrain, but people are a lot nicer where I'm at now, I've had some "stress moments" in the past and there is just some real not good people in some areas, hyped up with a lot of paranoia, not a good combination during natural disasters. I keep saying, at least during the power outages here, my immediate neighbors aren't going to go crazy.

[kareng]

So sorry! I hope it works out well for you & the kids!

[okieinalaska]

  On 6/30/2011 at 3:58 PM, Takala said:

I would be wanting to stay where my friends were and not moving, if I lived in a place like that. The severe weather has been especially horrible down here in many parts of the midwestern/southeastern lower 48 for over a decade, alternating between drought, flood, and tornados, and you could not pay me to move back to that part of the country. I love the open terrain, but people are a lot nicer where I'm at now, I've had some "stress moments" in the past and there is just some real not good people in some areas, hyped up with a lot of paranoia, not a good combination during natural disasters. I keep saying, at least during the power outages here, my immediate neighbors aren't going to go crazy.

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I know what you mean but long term I can't afford to stay here. Plus my family is wonderful and I want my kids to grow up closer to their family. I love Oklahoma and am going to stay with my parents for a year and then find a place close to them out in the country. My kids have lots of cousins and other family they have never met. And I do like my husband's family, it's just they were a little weird on this trip.

Alaska is wonderful but the winters are very hard. If my other neighbors hadn't moved to Hawaii I wouldn't be so worried because he had always helped me with stuff while Doug was away for the military.

[bartfull]

I am so sorry you have to go through this. But I do know what you mean about friends. When my parents got sick, friends were coming out of the woodwork to help them and the rest of the family. And frankly, when one suffers such a loss, that is the only real comfort there is. Please know that you will be in my prayers, and tell your friends for us here on the forum that we said "thanks"!

[txplowgirl]

Hi Okie, I'm also sorry for your loss and wish there was some way I could help. I was raised in tx but have lived in Ok for the last 6 years. Moved up there to be closer to my mom who needed help.

[domesticactivist]

<3 Grief is so hard. I'm glad you have a supportive community, and are beginning to feel like you can start to get back to a new normal.

[JoyVertz]

My sympathies are with you and your family.... I'm so sorry for your loss...

[adab8ca]

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Many many hugs

ada

[love2travel]

The pain you must be going through is unfathomable. My dad died young as well and it was devastating to see my Mom in such agony. Thankfully we had lovely friends to help us survive. Hold on tight to your support - it is really a blessing and relief that you have close compassionate friends. I am so, so sorry. I will make sure to pray for you!

[Harpgirl]

Your family is in my prayers. It's so hard to lose a loved one so young!

[Bet]

Please accept my deepest sympathy. Life can be so difficult and so unfair. My thoughts and prayers are with you.