Please Help Me Figure This Out..my Roommate Is "poisoning" Me :/

[livelifelarge24]

Let me preface by saying that I swear I'm not a lunatic... Just super confused :/ I am sorry this is so long of a description but I'm desperately in need of some opinions on what to do in this situation... I have a roommate that is poisoning me with gluten. I don't know if its intentional or unintentional. I don't know whether to talk to him about it or just kick him out.

Some background info - I have been gluten free for a few months now and my lifetime of misery came to a screeching halt. You all know what I mean, the night and day difference between life before and after gluten-free. I would literally CRY tears of joy in disbelief about how great my life had become. I never realized how depressed and foggy my brain had been or how difficult life was being sick all the time til it was all better. All of this happiness came to an end four weeks ago. I haven't told ANYONE other than my fiance because he obviously sees me and knows anyway, but I've been so sick for the past month. It's as if all my symptoms of my glutened life were back, like I never quit eating gluten in the first place. I have been devastated and the disappointment and depression are almost unbearable. I haven't changed anything, added anything or done anything different in my diet or eating habits. Don't eat out ever. I am vigilant. I have spent the last month so confused and unfortunately in too much of a brain fog to even figure it out. I was keeping track of my symptoms in a calendar every day thinking something new - maybe I've taken too much Tylenol, maybe I'm allergic to some foods, maybe I will never have a normal life... Finally, thankfully, staring at my calendar of symptoms made me realize something incredible. My sickness came back almost to the day that our new roommate moved in.

Now let me make a sidebar here to state that I do not like the roommate AT ALL. I think he is a complete and total creep. I am literally afraid of the guy (whom we met on craigslist) and I feel like he is a threat to my personal safety and sanity. I have talked to my fiance about this and he thinks I am totally overracting and that the guy is "socially awkward" but not a threat. I think he might be a serial killer. He just isn't right in the head to me but my fiance says I'm just being paranoid and I can tell its really bothering him so I don't bring it up anymore.

Back to the point. I have realized now that this guy moving in has a DIRECT relation to me being sick. So I started kind of freaking out. He has never shown much respect for my disease and has brushed off some of my instructions about how to keep the kitchen clean. When I explain what happens to me if I get glutened he says "oh thats all?" As if what I go through is no big deal. I can't help but wonder if this dude is performing some sick experiment and putting bread crumbs or flour or something in my food :/ I KNOW that sounds absolutely insane so I haven't said a word about it to ANYONE. The guy just makes me really uncomfortable.

He is a chef and he bakes bread from scratch a lot and leaves flour all over the place. I lysol it then clorox it and be careful to not touch my face and constantly wash up. I have seperate dishes and pans, etc. So I'm wondering if just having his gluten stuff floating around the kitchen is enough to make me THIS sick or is he putting stuff in my food???? I feel like I am just as sick as when I ate pizza and sandwiches every day, that's what makes me paranoid that he is putting something in my food. However, on the other hand, I did realize that the roommate that was here before him was on a diet for weight loss and she was almost 100% vegan and gluten free so there really was very little chance of cross contamination... all she ate was fruits vegetables, protein shakes and almonds.

I know that I can talk to him about being more clean when he cooks... but if he doesn't believe in Celiac or is "experimenting" with me I'd be wasting my time. I could just kick him out but I don't know how to convince my fiance to do that and it would be a financial blow to us right now, especially if I'm just being paranoid. I have only eaten things that I open myself from brand new packages for the past two days but it is getting expensive and frustrating to not be able to leave my leftover tuna or egg salad in the fridge for later.

So, do I just kick him out? Do I talk to him and see if it gets better? Put a hidden camera in the kitchen? HELP PLEASE!!

[moose07]

I read somewhere that flour can stay in the air for up to 72 hours so maybe because your roommate is baking a lot there is flour in the air. I'm pretty sure that is how I've been glutened a couple of times

[tictax707]

I'd say kick him out because he is creepy and you don't feel safe around him. All gluten issues aside, you shouldn't have to live with someone you are afraid of. Your home is supposed to be a place of peace not fear and worry. Finding a roomie on craigslist may work for many people, but I think it's a crap shoot. Is there no other network that you can turn to in order to help with the search? friends of friends or family? church? sports teams? hobby groups?

[Lori2]

Just my opinion but

[Takala]

You are being cross contaminated by gluten, which is affecting your brain function.

NEVER take a roomate who will not respect your wishes.... he should have been gone yesterday. He should have been GONE the first time he left flour "all over the place.... " what are you thinking, letting somebody like this into your living area.... I would go so far as to say that if you are intimidated by a male roommate you should only have female ones.

Furthermore, you need to NEVER take in another person who will not respect your spaces. I had this problem during my younger college days, most of the roommates I was unfortunate enough to agree to share space with after the good one I had the first 2 years, were losers who talked sweet to begin with, but were petty cons who either tried stiffing me on the rent money, stole things, or who would do really **** stuff like take over my bedroom and leave me a note that I should "sleep on the couch tonight because their boyfriend was over" after I'd come home from working late - what did they care. Then acted miffed when I told them if they did this again, they were toast. The world is full of people like this who don't have any problem with moving from place to place.

I don't know if this guy signed a sublease, but call the cops if you need help evicting and fear the response.... but it may be better to just have other witnesses there as you gently suggest to him it is Time To Move On and he has "x" number of hours/days to get out.

In the future, don't let anybody use wheat flour in your kitchen for any reason. This is what happens.

[ravenwoodglass]

Just my opinion but

[Jenniferxgfx]

I can't use my bread machine to make bread for my gluten eaters because I react to the contained kneading and baking. We used mixes too and even when someone put the box straight into the machine and I was in another room, I'd react. Badly. Airborne gluten is bad news. And a chef baking from scratch is going to do way more damage than my bread machine. I'd be miserable, too. That guy is a jerk for moving in with YOU and not respecting your space or health. In this economy (if you're in the US), there are 15 more down and out respectful folks looking to take this creep's place. And odds are good one of them is gluten-free, too.

Good luck.

[livelifelarge24]

I guess I never realized how big of an issue cross contamination could be, and therefore neither did my fianc

[livelifelarge24]

P.S. The roommate happens to be a chef and his attitude about celiac not being "that bad" makes me scared to ever eat out! If a chef wouldn't take the time to educate themselves on how to avoid making their roommate sick I shudder to think how he would behave in a restaurant

[Skylark]

Now let me make a sidebar here to state that I do not like the roommate AT ALL. I think he is a complete and total creep. I am literally afraid of the guy (whom we met on craigslist) and I feel like he is a threat to my personal safety and sanity. I have talked to my fiance about this and he thinks I am totally overracting and that the guy is "socially awkward" but not a threat. I think he might be a serial killer. He just isn't right in the head to me but my fiance says I'm just being paranoid and I can tell its really bothering him so I don't bring it up anymore.

Hon, you need to get rid of this roommate. And you need to get rid of your fiance if he won't support your decision. He is not respecting your feelings and your fear, and someone like that is not good to marry. What else bad is going to happen that your fiance just brushes off? And no, he's not being "incredibly supportive" as you said in another reply if he is insisting you live with someone who frightens you.

Times are hard. You can find another roommate easily enough and you might try advertising for one who is also gluten-free.

By the way, almost nobody on this board allows flour into the kitchen. The stuff gets everywhere and CC is pretty much a given.

[Jenniferxgfx]

It's been really scary for me to discover how sensitive I am, too. It's hard for me to comprehend how my diet revolved around gluten before and now a little cc kicks my butt. I guess that's why I was so sick, too, I was just too sick to know

[livelifelarge24]

Thanks for the info everybody. It helps me to know that CC really CAN make you thatsick andthat I'm not imagining things & more importantly, that there's an answer. I talked to my fianc

[GlutenFreeManna]

Others have already said it but I think it bears repeating: flour will stay in the air and contaminate everything in your kitchen. Even people on this board that live in mixed households and are not super sensitive typically have a "no-flour" rule for their kitchens. Absolutely, 100% certain your new roommate is poisioning you by baking in your kitchen. He may or may not be doing it on purpose, but without a doubt it is happening and you are NOT crazy or just paranoid. His cavilier attitude about it is even worse. I wouldn't bother confronting him or asking him to change (he may just say okay and then still use flour when you are not there). I would just ask him to leave. Besides the health issue is the issue that you said he acts very creepy and you are not comfortable. No way I would live with someone that scared me. Not sure what your screening process was (if any) when you decided to let him live there but perhaps next time you should ask some detailed questions about lifestyle, explain the rules etc, BEFORE you let another roommate move in. Asking for references that can vouch that they are a trust-worthy individual doesn't hurt either. If you have to take in someone else that is not gluten-free, at the very least seeing their reaction when you explain the rules will give you an idea of how seriously they will take it.

[livelifelarge24]

Those are all great ideas. This guy had great references, actually noes from just down the street. I guess the problem was that it was too new for me to even knowthe "rules" to explain. I definitely know better now for next time. I fond new things all the time that I didn't know before & it's so mch to remember. I guess I won't be doing my major Christmas gift baking this year!

[nora-n]

I do all the cooking here.

I used to bake for husband, and continue to bake after going gluten free (not so often, but a few times a month)

My entire body felt itchy (I have DH too) and I had to stop baking.

I thought I was really really careful about floating flour. Never kneaded the dough, just poured it into pans.

did not matter.

Too much gluten flour in the air.

Now sometimes I had to be in the same room for a while at work where there is a kitchen, and they bake bread or rolls or pizza several times a week but only in the morning, and I also react to that.

You are not imagining this.

Nora

[YoloGx]

Just wanted to add that the dust on the chef's clothes and person is enough to cause cross contamination in your kitchen etc.. I have gotten glutened just walking through a pizza place to use their bathroom in back. I also have gotten it from shaking someone's hand and then opening up a water bottle. I have had to learn to wash my hands constantly.

Clearly the situation with this tenant as is is untenable. Maybe you should give him the 30 days and insist he make a separate mini kitchen for himself in his bedroom? And wear a separate set of clothes in the house than what he wears when he works? And leave his shoes outside and/or put them in a bag when he comes in the house? And take a shower immediately when he comes home.

Either that, or you could temporarily go live with a gluten-free friend??

What amazes me is that your bf doesn't see this relationship between your suffering and the appearance of this guy. If he continues to be in denial of that fact, it would make me think twice about him too...

Good luck!

Bea

[anabananakins]

Don't beat yourself up, there's so much to learn, but flour is a definite no no. And it's YOUR house, you can say so. Heck, my mother respects my request to please not do any bread baking in the days leading up to my visit (and she uses a bread machine so she's not flinging around flour much) and that's me asking her to do something in her house. She gets that it's poison to me.

I'm sure you'll find someone if you advertise, and I bet there is someone out there desperate to live in a gluten free home so do advertise it as such. It must be so tough to be young and broke and to already be spending more than average on food only to be stressed about finding suitable share accommodation.

Even if he was the nicest guy possible, if he likes baking with regular flour then he's not a suitable person to share your house. Since he sounds like a creep, you should definitely give him notice. And then change the locks!

[domesticactivist]

First off - if he's a good guy and just not being careful, he is not the right housemate. Kick him out and advertise for someone gluten-free or celiac and you will probably find someone who has been desperate to find a gluten-free rental!

Now for the more important stuff:

If your fiancee does not respect your feelings about this guy, and your fear - justified or not, you need to seriously reconsider the relationship. No matter how great he is in other ways, if he doesn't take your feeling seriously you are in for big trouble down the line. At a minimum, you are in for a lifetime of being treated as though your feelings aren't valid and don't count. That's emotional abuse, and it wears on you. If you can't stand it, you may find yourself in for a divorce as well. I recently read an article that stated that the majority of women who divorce had a gut feeling on their wedding day that it wasn't right. I'm one of those women. As happy as I was to get married at the time, and as much as it made sense on the practical side, it is my one big regret in life. We separated about 5 years ago and believe me, it would have been far easier to either postpone the wedding until the issues we had were resolved (hint: not gonna happen, and we did try after the wedding!) or beak it off before getting married. Now we are still stuck dealing with each other because of the kids and it sucks!!!

My partner had a housemate who she felt creeped out by... he turned loud and obnoxious, didn't pay his bills, got uncovered in lies, then one day he stole checks from all the housemates and disappeared.

A friend of mine had a housemate (assigned by the school he was going to) who majorly creeped me out the first time I met him. Later it turned out he had a serious drinking problem. Once he beat up a guy who knocked on their door one time, so bad that he broke all the bones in his fist. Another time his friend set off a firework by me and I had a seizure. He thought I was faking and dragged me into the other room by my hair.

Your intuition is your friend, and I don't care how glutened you are, you MUST listen to it to protect yourself. Your fiancee must be able to support such a strong gut feeling.

***********************************TRIGGER ALERT*****************************

I'm going to share several personal stories to illustrate this point which may trigger some people, so please decide whether or not you really want to read them. I'll leave out the gory details, but the concepts are there. If you don't want to read it, take the message that YOUR INTUITION IS IMPORTANT - LISTEN TO IT!!!

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There was a guy I worked with when I was 19 who was "a great guy." (I thought) Everyone loved him. I thought he was a little creepy at first, but he wanted to be friends and never did anything obviously wrong. We both lived downtown and walked home, so he started walking me home "for safety." He was a very big man. During these walks we'd talk. He said many things that were red flags for me about his past jobs, about his ideas of his life for the future, etc, but nothing actually scary or obviously bad. I considered him my friend. Eventually I moved so I stopped walking with him.

So then one night he asked me to get coffee with him after work at a local place. I said sure. But it got late before we left because he had things to deal with. He led a route that took longer, and over which I got more and more nervous for no apparent reason. By the time we got there the place was closed. Surprise, surprise, it was across the street from his apartment, which I'd never been to. He invited me up for a game of cards. I was uncomfortable and a bit afraid, but stupidly I accepted, because I thought it would be rude not to, and plus, the plan was he was going to drive me home and his car was parked back by our work.

I went up, and the next thing I knew he was pressuring me for sex. He got all my clothes off and stuffed them behind the bed. While he didn't manage to pull off the ahem, complete act, I spent several hours in unwanted, protested, bruise-inducing sexual contact with him. Finally he let me have my clothes back and took me home. Then I had to work with the guy. I had major PTSD type symptoms from this rape and it's a long story but I later found out that he'd done even worse to many other former coworkers.

Another time, I started dating a guy who looked great on paper - he was a research scientist, had a nice truck, whatever. I realized very early on that he was also an alcoholic and broke it off after just a couple weeks since that wasn't right for me. We had a couple friendly exchanges after that. A few weeks later, he said he had concert tickets and no one to go with (he was kind of new in town). I was nervous but did want to see the show, and he promised not to visit the beer garden. Long story short, on the drive back to my place to get his truck I realized he was s$#&-faced drunk. I told him to stay, sleep on the couch, because I wouldn't let him drive home like that. He started crying and freaking out, and ended up raping me - getting me pregnant with my son and giving me genital herpes.

He blacked out and after I got him home I stopped seeing him completely. When I found out I was pregnant a couple weeks later I contacted him and told him. Stupidly, I decided that since he hadn't known what he was doing and didn't remember it he didn't really mean to hurt me. I didn't feel right about telling him but thought it was the right thing to do. He was all excited about how he was going to have his "first born son" and said we had to get married or he'd beat the baby out of me. I wasn't having that and ended up getting a restraining order.

I've got even worse stories of intuition gone wrong, from friends and family.

I had a very close friend who married a guy who totally creeped me out from day one, even though nothing was obviously wrong. He ended up cheating on her, was horribly emotionally and sexually abusive, took out tons of credit in her name, sabotaged every job she got, did drugs, and finally turned physically abusive after their child was born. She tried to leave him many, many times, he threatened to shoot all three of them so that they'd be together forever. Finally she did manage to divorce him, which did not go well at all.

Another friend got divorced and moved back across the country where she found a new husband who turned abusive when they got married - to both her and her 4 kids, and poisoned her slowly! A nurse spotted it with her intuition immediately, my friend wouldn't listen. The minute she got away from him, though, it all became clear.

My partner's aunt actually got her house repeatedly broken into by, and then was finally murdered by, a neighborhood teen who had seriously creeped out her daughter.

A friend dated a guy who I was totally creeped out by despite his being a doctor and seeming perfect on paper. He ended up giving her an STD and also sabotaging her tire, which blew up when she was entering the freeway.

Even if you don't know why you feel creeped out by someone, you are BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY! If you don't have proof but you are creeped out, just go your seperate ways. Take precautions even if they don't seem necessary. If they weren't necessary, they didn't hurt anyone. If they were necessary, you just saved yourself a lot of suffering.

[notme]

flour or no flour - if he's creeping you out, get rid of him! i had a stalker it is NOT FUN! he was a convincing LIAR and he had things alll planned to take advantage of my sympathy. it took a long time to get rid of him and even longer to be able to sleep at night.

trust your instincts - if fiance needs convincing, tell him to watch the movie 'pacific heights'

good luck

edited to say: i didn't see that this was 2 pages lol - thank you so much, d.a., for sharing! it's so important not to be 'polite' when all the bells and whistles are going off in your head -

this little feller was passing himself off in our church youth group as a 15 yr old, rode his bike to the meetings and to church, etc. always staying behind to help me clean up, helping my daughters carry things to the car, he would come over to see my (baby, at the time) grandson - he remembered i had him visit every wednesday evening <- that was creepout #1, when i started paying attention and my ears perked up. one night, late, he shows up on my doorstep covered in blood. he had told me before that he and his dad didn't get along - now he said his father had beaten him up. i was DISTRESSED (and he counted on that) and SYMPATHETIC (also what he wanted) and i invited him in to get cleaned up and told him he could spend the night (in with my son in his room, thinking harry could keep an eye on him - ha) i talked with him the next day and he said his dad had kicked him out of the house completely and he had no place else to stay - i spent hours going over his options: could you stay with a relative, friend, etc? he played the pity card. then he popped up everywhere i went. he knew my schedule because (i have 4 kids) i co-ordinated the house and discussed everything with the kids, so all he had to do was listen. long story short: the day i kicked him out was the day i found out he was actually NINETEEN and the night he showed up at the house he had pulled a knife on his father. that was not his blood on him. when i came home from work that day, he was hiding on the back porch waiting for me and trying to watch my daughter take a shower - *shudder* and my story had a relatively 'happy' ending. most people don't live through these things. trust your instincts, i can not stress this enough.

[anne88]

So, do I just kick him out? Do I talk to him and see if it gets better? Put a hidden camera in the kitchen? HELP PLEASE!!

Honestly, I am going through the same thing right now only not being poisoned with gluten, whatever you do, DO NOT TELL HIM YOU THINK THIS!!! Have your husband kick him out in the least suspicous and nicest way possible, and when he does, you both should leave town until all his stuff is gone then change locks and have neighbors keep an eye on the house. I am serious, your post is creeping me out because it sounds like the same guy, I don't think you are being paranoid. I am scared for my life right now and you need to take this very very seriously! I wish there was a way we could talk in private like through email so we can figure out if its the same person, do not be alone in that house, do not eat or drink anything and maybe you should tell your husband to take your concern seriously and look up the number one sign of a serial killer, #1. Socially Awkward, (pervous). I will pray for you, I don't mean to scare you I'm sorry its just I really don't want you to second guess yourself, trust your instincts especially being a woman. Please keep us updated.

[sariesue]

Check out the laws for subletting or whatever arrangement you had in your area. It might not be as easy as telling him that he has to leave. You may need to inform him in writing and give him so many days notice. I know that there are definate legal procedures when working with renters. Like in order to keep a security deposit from a renter, they need to be informed in writing within a month of them leaving. You don't want to try to get him to leave improperly and have him sue you or have courts order that he be able to stay longer.

[srall]

To keep this about gluten somewhat: You should have a gluten free house. This is the one place you can feel safe from gluten and you should know that all the food coming out of your kitchen should be safe. I hope your fiance respects this when you get married.

I support everything previous posters have written. I recommend a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. Every young woman should read this book. There is a reason your gut is talking to you. I promise. Even if there is nothing glaringly wrong with his behavior, your subconscious is picking up on red flags and that is your intuition.

He needs to be gone.

[GlutenFreeManna]

Honestly, I am going through the same thing right now only not being poisoned with gluten, whatever you do, DO NOT TELL HIM YOU THINK THIS!!! Have your husband kick him out in the least suspicous and nicest way possible, and when he does, you both should leave town until all his stuff is gone then change locks and have neighbors keep an eye on the house. I am serious, your post is creeping me out because it sounds like the same guy, I don't think you are being paranoid. I am scared for my life right now and you need to take this very very seriously! I wish there was a way we could talk in private like through email so we can figure out if its the same person, do not be alone in that house, do not eat or drink anything and maybe you should tell your husband to take your concern seriously and look up the number one sign of a serial killer, #1. Socially Awkward, (pervous). I will pray for you, I don't mean to scare you I'm sorry its just I really don't want you to second guess yourself, trust your instincts especially being a woman. Please keep us updated.

livelifelarge24 has not be logged in since September 17 according to her profile. If you click on her name it will go to her profile and you can try to email her via the "email me here" link on the left side towards the bottom.

[mommida]

I hope our original poster is doing well!

Maybe Celiacs just know they have to listen to gut instincts.

This co-worker of my husbands just made my skin crawl. Nicest person, above and beyond acting like a gentelman. Not the slightest bit close to being labeled as "socially akward". Married. Wife was just as pleasant.

Just couldn't shake the feeling.

We had our first born and they had offered to babysit. Said they wanted to have kids and would love the practice.

Nope. Still totally creeped out. No explaination. I felt like running everytime I saw this guy.

Well turns out he was busted for child porn on his computer. Went to jail. It was a pretty serious case, even though it seemed there were no physical cases of him hurting children.

Oh don't let me forget about the wife.

Years later, and close to his release date. Talking to a police officer with specialization in the area of internet predators. (Just a social gathering off the wall conversation.) Mentioned wow you might have busted this person. The officer was chilled. Remembered the case quite well because of the wife. She showed no emotion, no distress, knew why the house was being raided. (Mind you, they had children together living in the house.) Usually wives tend to FREAK out. Law officers usually have to pull women off the man to save thier lives. The police realized she KNEW and possibly they missed getting another pedaphile off the streets.

YUCK!

Gut instincts.