Anger

[cornbread]

Yeah, it's downright near impossible when it's happening to step back and think "I don't *really* feel this way, it's the gluten..." because at that point you really DO feel that angry/irritated. What makes it harder (for me) is other people reacting back at you as if you are just being a jerk. I have explained to my spouse a million times that this is a symptom of getting glutened and please please just give me some leaway - but he never seems to remember and always fights back if I get grumpy, ie: sulks as if it's a real fight. Which makes me twice as mad because I feel like he's not taking my illness seriously. It's tough, and all this at a time when I need to be looked after, not fought with. It's pretty much impossible to have someone react sympathetically towards an illness that essentially makes you act like a big angry jerk. It would be simple if I just threw up for 5 days, at least then people would see my illness as an illness. I'm glad I don't though, eww!

When I'm glutened I also find I'm incredibly light and sound sensitive. I almost feel slightly autistic - I can't block out background noise at all, and if I'm trying to talk (or type) when the TV is on it's really hard. My (usually great) multi-tasking skills almost disappear, and if you ask me a question whilst I'm doing something else it's really hard for me to process it. I am just starting to pinpoint that all of these things are gluten related symptoms - the next battle is to get my friends and relatives to comprehend how much this stuff affects my brain. As much as they can say "wow, really? that's awful!" if you get glutened and are irritable with them, they take is personally and seem to forget what you told them. I guess it just seems impossible that a speck of flour could turn Jekyll into Hyde.

[Rachel--24]

Yeah, it's downright near impossible when it's happening to step back and think "I don't *really* feel this way, it's the gluten..." because at that point you really DO feel that angry/irritated.  What makes it harder (for me) is other people reacting back at you as if you are just being a jerk. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know what you mean. Why do they fight back when they *know* because you've told them a million times and they've *seen* it before yet still they fight back.

It makes the situation so much worse and for me its like pouring lighter fluid on an already pretty big fire.

I hate that...its so frusterating.

I always want to be left alone when it gets like this but noone ever understands that.

[ianm]

Swittenauer, your husband sounds like me when I get glutened. Normally I am very in control and very few things bother. Even a little gluten causes me to start losing control. It is hard to stop it or even realize it when it is happening.

[swittenauer]

I understand what you are all saying but my husband will get angry & tell me that basically everything I have done that day has gotten him mad. By the time, I think it may be the gluten then I have already been insulted so much that all I want to do is explain to him or make him understand what he is doing but at that point he is usually too far gone & spouting off. He says things out of anger that I know he can't possibly mean. He is normally the sweetest most caring person in the world but it makes him the polar opposite. I am the type of person that wants to make things better but I guess I have to realize that the argument or his anger is not intentional towards me. I also think though that at some point maybe he could tell that it was coming on & be able to get some what of a hold on it or tell me that its coming on so I can leave the room & give him some time alone. Anyway, I love him dearly & I will work through this with him & whatever else may come up with being a celiac. I know it must be difficult for him but it is also confusing for me.

[aikiducky]

Swittenauer, it's really good to read the other side of the story, too! I can understand how it's not so easy to just think that it's the gluten talking, if you haven't had any warning beforehand!

How my husband deals with my glutened ravings depends a lot on what his day has been like, if he's not too stressed himself he can deal with it. I got glutened on Friday (blaah ) and was being irritable, and not even realizing it. He looked at me thoughtfully and said "you don't usually react like that, you know"... and right he was, the next morning I woke up bloated and feeling crummy. That's the problem - sometimes I get gastro symptoms first and then I can warn my hubby to be gentle with me, sometimes I get irritable and don't even realize it myself.

I have some control over it as long as nothing too demanding happens. But I can't multi-task either! If I can just plod along at my own pace then I can manage.

We usually try to stop fighting and go and be in separate rooms, or go to bed, and try discussing things later when we both feel better. We do this in general as well, because usually if we start fighting, it's because we're both just too tired, or stressed, or glutened and not capable of a rational discussion anyway. So we don't try to get each other to see each others points of view in a moment like that, we just STOP and go and cool down. And give lots of hugs later.

Pauliina

[swittenauer]

I guess I will try to not take it personally & retreat to another room. My only problem is how to tell if he is actually upset or its the gluten talking. I'm just glad that these instances are few & far between. It could be worse but we try very hard to watch what he eats.

[artmeg55]

Guess that I don't have to blame impending menapause anymore!

[Rachel--24]

I guess I will try to not take it personally & retreat to another room.  My only problem is how to tell if he is actually upset or its the gluten talking.  I'm just glad that these instances are few & far between.  It could be worse but we try very hard to watch what he eats.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't know about your husband but I prefer to be left alone when I'm feeling this way. I doesnt really matter how nice or understanding someone is trying to be because at that moment I'm just angry and frusterated and want to be left alone. The more someone tries to talk to me the more irritable I get and I feel like noone could possibly understand how I'm feeling.

I think if your husband is normally not an angry person you can assume its the gluten and it will wear off. If I'm left alone I may be totally over the angry part of my reaction within a few hours...sometimes I may need to sleep it off. People seem to be able to tell now if I'm having a reaction...sometimes even before I can. The other day I knew I wasnt feeling right and I knew I was starting to have symptoms but I didnt realize I was angry until someone spoke to me and my response was very snappy...it actually surprised me but it didn't make me "snap out of it" or anything like that. I still stayed angry for a couple hours.

[ianm]

I have to take a walk or ride a bike when the anger hits. Talking about it only makes it worse.

[swittenauer]

I know talking makes it worse but it is really hard to not try & talk it out especially if you don't realize it is because of the gluten. I hope I'm getting better at figuring that out though. He has gotten much better at recognizing when that is what is wrong.

[swittenauer]

Well, I said things were getting better but it is back. My husband says that he feels like he is constantly being glutened. He is very angry lately. Normally I would try & not take it personally & just walk away or just try not to bother him to much but instead let him just sit but it is hard to do. He has become very snippy, angry & says things that I know he doesn't mean. He is the most wonderful husband & father in the world except when he has been glutened. Any advice anyone on what to do when it goes on for weeks at a time? Is this normal? Does anyone else experience episodes like this?

[swittenauer]

Let me also note that he simply does not sleep & I would be cranky too if I wasn't sleeping.

[DingoGirl]

Let me also note that he simply does not sleep & I would be cranky too if I wasn't sleeping.

so sorry about all of this - - I've written before about the sleep, or lack of, it can make a person CRAZY. I hope he will take something for it, because just getting some good sleep could seriously change his moods. I was the most emotional psycho/devil/crazy b***h without sleep, and all that's changed (of course also since removing gluten). My sleep meds are greatly reduced now and sleep is bliss. You know something, when one's body just doesn't sleep for a while, the adrenaline kicks in to deep the body awake, and the cycle continues, and then sleep, really good sleep, is almost impossible.

I so hope this gets better for you. If your husband is very strictly off gluten, then there are other issues that must be addressed, and sleep is a really big one. Please encourage him to try and take something, even Ambien, which is non-addictive.

God bless - -

[jerseyangel]

Hi--Could he have any other intolerances? (these won't show up on an allergy test) I have found that I have many--all detected after going gluten-free. When I eat something that causes me D or other GI symptoms, I get emotional, anxious, and cranky. I feel as though I don't want anyone around me, and get very annoyed at them for no real reason. It also interferes with my sleep--I fall asleep, but keep waking up all through the night. Not restful at all. My gastro told me that the tissue of the small intestine is identical to tissue found in the brain--thats why I think that any stomach upset, not just a gluten episode causes the moodiness in me. Knowing what causes it really does not make it any easier to deal with--I feel for your husband. Maybe keep a food journal (simple) to see if these episodes correlate to any common foods.

[rinne]

I don't know about your husband but I prefer to be left alone when I'm feeling this way. I doesnt really matter how nice or understanding someone is trying to be because at that moment I'm just angry and frusterated and want to be left alone. The more someone tries to talk to me the more irritable I get and I feel like noone could possibly understand how I'm feeling.

I'm with Rachel on this, in fact the more my husband tries to be considerate the more I feel like a monster, and the truth is that nothing that comes out of my mouth really reflects me at that time, it just reflects the gluten rage.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, perhaps you and your husband could talk about a strategy for dealing with those times when he has been glutened and loses it.

Also, can't believe I forgot this, dairy makes me mean too. I gave it up reluctantly but once I did I saw real progress. I have heard this may only be temporary but until the villi are healed many Celiacs can't handle dairy. Could this apply?

I wonder if it is just that the villi are irritated and that irritation permeates are whole being. I suspect though that the irritation is to the brain also.

[swittenauer]

We have discussed strategies for what to do when this happens but lately it is constant. I am at a loss & I'm sure he is too. I know that in time it is bound to pass but in the mean time it is just a hard experience for all involved. I just wish he could feel good & be happy & well.

[mmaccartney]

I think I'm jumping in to this discussion quite late.

I can relate to the gluten rage issues. It was consuming me for some time. Now that I've been off gluten and casein for about one year, I am that happy person again. I still get angry, but not like I used to.

BUT, when I get glutened, out comes the anger again. For some reason my wife gets the brunt of it. I think because I feel "safe" exposing my emotions to her. (Lucky her eh?).

Honestly though, We almost got divorced over it. Things are much better now.

The #1 best thing that my wife did and does if I will not leave and be by myself, she packs up the kids and takes them somewhere, anywhere. She doesn't tell me she is leaving because I'm being a gluten-a$$, but it works. A few hours later and I've cooled down and can actually have the thoughts "Why was I so angry about that?".

Some anger managment books / groups might help, but removing gluten was the best.

My wife needs someone to relate to on this issue, since she is in the same boat I'll have her sign up and PM you. Perhaps the two of you could vent your frustrations, and even get some ideas off of each other.

[swittenauer]

I'd really like to swap info with her & maybe we could help each other out. Thanks!

[ArtGirl]

Today I'm okay again, but two days ago I must have gotten glutened because the next morning (yesterday) I was quite snippy and angry at my husbad - for really no reason. He looked at me and said - "what's the matter with you - you must have been glutened." I didn't think so at the time, but about an hour later came the D and cramping. Yup, that was it. I shut up and stayed home while he went out, and a few hours later I wasn't so angry anymore. It was good that he recognized it, because I certainly didn't - just knew that he was really bugging me!

I've been gluten free for almost two months now. It's just been the last couple weeks that I can say that my mood has improved. I've found myself actually happy now and then. My husband says I'm much easier to live with now.

[nikki-uk]

If this is an ongoing thing-have you considered that it might be depression?

My hubbie had been G.F a year when depression hit him big time last year and alot of his symptoms were anger,moodiness,sulleness,refusal to participate and communicate with me-oh and not sleeping-just a thought.

[swittenauer]

The doctor had previously mentioned that & he is currently taking Lexapro for that. It seems to come & go. Normally it doesn't last more than a day or two but this time is a lot longer.

[covsooze]

I'm joining in late too! I'm sure my celiac disease has caused my depression and all these rage symptoms. I was glutened just over a week ago and all week I've been so angry, irritable & depressed. I've also been wondering if there's a link with hypoglycemia - I've started a thread on the related disorders forum.

I really feel for ouy swittenauer, and for your DH. I become a completely different person when this ceoliac rage hits and I know it and feel so sorry for my DH who bears the brunt of it.

(((hugs)))

[swittenauer]

So what do you do when it hits? What about your husband?

[covsooze]

Hmm. I need space, no questions from DH along the lines of 'are you feeling ratty?' (that makes me blow my top!), sleep, DH to take up the reins and do everything for a short while so that I can calm down, a change of scenery helps and if all else fails, beating up a pillow is good! Fortunately, DH is very good at coping with me being like this and knows it's not the real me. He's even got better at not asking that question Being on anti-depressants and talking to my psych nurse has helped a lot, as has prayer.

I'll try and remember to ask DH for his side of the story when he gets back from shopping - if my sieve-for-a-brain lets me!!

S x

PS sleep deprivation is a big prob for me as well, so I know I need a good night's sleep if I'm really bad. I've got a small supply of sleeping tablets so I can take 1 occasionally.

[swittenauer]

I've mentioned that but he doesn't want to be addicted to anything. I gave him some Aleve PM or Advil PM. I can't remember. Anyway, it did nothing for him. I'm sure that is part of it but who really knows why it is happening. I just know it is hard.