Anger

[swittenauer]

Well, I came home today. We had dinner. He had not gone to work today. We were playing a video game with our daughter when all of the sudden he was done. It is like he snapped & basically told me to shut up & go away. It is soooo hard for me lately. I know it is for him also but I want my husband back. He is the total opposite of the man I married when this happens. It's like if he can say something bad enough to really hurt my feelings, that I will go away. Now I'm upstairs & he is downstairs. I'm at a loss of what to do. I mean when this goes on forever......what if anything is the solution?

[DingoGirl]

This sounds very frustrating for you....I kind of know it from the other side. I alienated much of my family, and many friends, starting in my twenties, with so much anger, verbal abuse, deep depression and then mania, on and off forever. Foul moods that you can't believe..... I am now, in my 40's, working to repair all the damage. It is amazing I still have many childhood friends....I guess they saw the good, and knew how frustrating it was for me - - I didn't WANT to be like that at all, and would cry and become so disheartened, always apologizing for outbursts. I lost a year-and-a-half relationship with a very wonderful man, at age 29, largely due to the fact taht I didn't sleep for an entire TWO YEARS, and was a complete basket case.

I know your husband is very concerned about becoming addicted to anything....but, is he not more afraid of what he's doing to you? Your marriage? I strongly urge mild sleeping pills. dependency on them, if this happens, is not the most terrible thing in the world, and will bring him, and you, some sanity....my mom takes Lunesta about two or three times a month, and is not at all dependent on it....

something to look into, maybe....I"m sorry I'm so strongly advocating sleep aides - - I just sadly know all about lack of sleep from years of it, and I know the difference now....

God bless.

[rinne]

The idea for a food journal is a really good one. I was wondering about MSG, it makes me very irritable too and I believe is in some gluten free products. Is he taking any vitamins that might be cross contaminated?

How is his energy level? Prior to my sister's husband's diagnosis with Grave's Disease he became very irritable and I understand there is a connection between it and Celiac. Just a thought.

[DingoGirl]

I've mentioned that but he doesn't want to be addicted to anything. I gave him some Aleve PM or Advil PM. I can't remember. Anyway, it did nothing for him. I'm sure that is part of it but who really knows why it is happening. I just know it is hard.

In the past, 20 or so years ago, I could take literally four or six Tylenol PM or the like, and literally MULTI-task all night, awake until dawn.

Has the sleeping issue gotten worse on Lexapro? sometimes certain antidepressants can cause insomnia, or make it worse. There is an antidepressant called Trazadone that is very sedating - I do know of people who take a small dose at night as a sleeping remedy, and not as an antidepressant. Or, maybe he should switch to another drug?

feeling frustrated for you - - your concern and gentleness comes through in your posts and this must be incredibly hard for you.

[rachellek]

He doesn't understand the need I have at times to just be left alone. How many of you out there need time alone?

Judi

Absolutely Judi! I feel so annoyed at little things and just want to escape to a desert island cause I can barely stand myself. I understand you problems with your hubby...see my thread on relationship problems.

(((hugs)))))

Rachellek

[swittenauer]

He has very little energy. I think we will work on the food journal maybe & give that a try to see what might be getting him. We had a good talk last night as we read all of these responses together. It is so helpful to hear stories similar to ours & see how both sides react or deal with it. All of your advice is very helpful and any suggestions are welcome.

[Shiba]

This has all been very reassuring for me.

My husband and daughter were diagnosed in the last 6 months.

Our daughter has since she was 11 gradually been moving to another planet, getting much worse at schoolwork, and more and more angry.

Since being gluten-free she has improved, but is still angry and was on the verge of depression.

My husband gets extremely angry at the thought of this condition, and upset that he has given it to our daughter. Our daughter is still very hard to live with, and every so often my husband becomes so not the man I know. I try to make sure they don't 'cross' each other at certain times, because they each make the other worse.

We recently discovered our daughter has insomnia. In fact in the past three weeks she has rarely slept before 4.00am, and then I just cannot get her to wake up or to stay awake!

I mentioned this to a friend, and she suggested a mild non prescriptive sleeping pill. We tried it last night, and it worked!! We are hoping to break the bad cycle she has gotten into.

What concerns me is that if my daughter is gluten-free, then why the insomnia? Is it possible that coming off gluten can have effects like drug withdrawal?

[mmaccartney]

Dealing with Celiac is hard, for everyone involved.

I get very irritable when I don't get sleep, particularly when I have been glutened. I don't know how long he has been recovering, but his body may be healing and that takes a lot of energy! Two things that I tried while I was recovering in order to help my anger, and depression (I was stuck in a deep depression for a while) was Neurontin and Paxil. Now, I was quite reluctant to try drugs as I didn't want to get addicted just like your husband. The neurontin was more of a pain killer given to me by my rheumotologist. It is something that you take before going to bed, it helps you sleep, but also helps you get that deep sleep that your body needs to rest and to heal. This stuff was great, but it did make me a bit "out of it" the next day. The Paxil was good, but you can't just rely on something like that, you still need to deal with what ever is going on. My wife and I went to counseling for a while, and I think it helped alot, probably more then the drugs did but the drugs helped me see the light through the brain fog that was depressing me.

I like the food log idea, perhaps something is sneaking into his food; or there may be other food issues that you haven't uncovered.

Where does your husband get support from?? Perhaps he should join up here, or join a local support group? I know that when I first started recovering I was quite depressed, the diet, the restrictions, heck even trying to actually believe that this is what was wrong with me (which still seems strange sometimes).

[swittenauer]

He took the Advil or Aleve PM last night & said he may have gotten a bit more sleep which is good in my book. We are able to laugh today about how he has been acting lately so that is a good sign. I just always try & remember that it is really not him talking because he is normally an extremely nice & sweet husband. As far as support goes & him joining this site......he reads the posts & of course offers opinions & responses & gets lots of support & info from all of the great responses we get on here.

[swittenauer]

I told him to try the Advil PM for about 10 days or so & then see if that helps him atleast catch up on some sleep. I just hope it isn't addictive & then he can't sleep at all without them. I hope that after catching up on much needed sleep that maybe the crankiness will lighten up some.

[Melzo]

I KNOW that gluten makes me angry, have severe mood swings, and I am sometimes completely unable to control myself. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder prior to being diagnosed with Celiac Disease. After finding out that I had the disease, I got off of all my meds because I knew the two were related. And they were. The first few months were difficult because I was still ingesting gluten (not on purpose), so I was still having the ups and downs. On top of that I was trying to deal with a new disease, with little help. That just added to my anger. Then when I would get glutened, I would feel like I had no control over the situation and would just get mad at the world - and especially my husband. You always hurt the person closest to you - true?

My husband always tells the story of the time when I was first diagnosed and I was cooking breakfast. I read a label twice and he innocently asked me why I look at it twice. Well, I lost it. I threw cheese all over the floor, threw the spatula across the house (with egg on it mind you), yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs. I knew this wasn't me and I didn't mean to thrash out like that. Internally I couldn't stop myself though. I always tell my husband he is a saint for staying with me during this time. If the shoe were on the other foot, I don't know if I could put up with it.

More recently I got glutened and m*f'd my mother AND sister within 10 minutes. I would NEVER, EVER swear at either of them but those words kept flying out of my mouth. I am not sure if the pregnancy pushed that along as well, but I was then upset at myself for doing that. I was so ashamed - but they understood thankfully.

Bottom line - gluten WILL cause emotions to get out of whack. Please be patient with your husband and supportive. My husband was very supportive and would never yell back, would just come over and give me a hug when I would fly off of the handle. That is really what I needed. And geez, if I'm not crying while typing this. Uhhhgg. Your husband is lucky to have you - and I am sure that he realizes this. Once he has his diet under control, he will feel more in control over his life and will be able to get his moods in check.

[dionnek]

Melzo, Funny you say that your husband would give you a hug when you fly off the handle - that's what they say to do to toddlers when they throw a temper tantrum I have a toddler, so I've been reading alot about controlling these

Swittenauer, in regards to the sleeping problem, have you tried melatonin or 5 HTP supplements? I have taken these off and on for sleeping problems, but not since I've been dx with celiac, so you'd have to check to see if they have gluten. They can be found at health food stores or pharmacies (non prescription). My first bought of sleeplessness was about 10 years ago and I didn't sleep for 8 months straight but refused to take prescription drugs, so finally my pharmacist recommended the melatonin. Took it for about a month and started sleeping again (then stopped taking it and was fine). I think it takes about 2 weeks before it starts working though. Then, just a year ago I was having trouble sleeping again and my pharmacist recommended the 5HTP (he said he now likes that better than melatonin for some reason) so I took that for about 3 weeks and it worked. Just a thought - you might want to do more research on these and if they are gluten-free.

[swittenauer]

I have heard about melatonin several times as an option as far as helping yourself have a restful sleep but never really knew if it would work or not. The funny thing is that right before I read this....a lady I work with mentioned that she takes melatonin & it works wonders.

[ianm]

Melatonin works well for me and I don't get that drugged out feeling either.

[queenofhearts]

I have heard about melatonin several times as an option as far as helping yourself have a restful sleep but never really knew if it would work or not. The funny thing is that right before I read this....a lady I work with mentioned that she takes melatonin & it works wonders.

It really helped both my son & my grandmother when they had insomnia issues. One caution-- it takes a while to work because it is "resetting" your body clock-- it doesn't cause immediate drowsiness but helps your body do its normal sleep pattern thing. So don't give up if it doesn't help right away.

Leah

[swittenauer]

Well, he had another restless night. I guess it doesn't help that his work never fails to call around midnight or 2 a.m. quite often. That wakes him up & then he has to start all over trying to sleep. He has been having major stomach cramps, many trips to the restroom & a headache & is very tired lately. I'm not sure if he is still getting glutened. I have contacted most all of the companies of the food that he eats each day & can't figure out what is doing it. He just gets cranky & I don't blame him but boy we sure need to figure out what is causing all of this.

[swittenauer]

You know what? I was thinking. My husband has been following this post since he is the actual one with Celiac. I just don't want him to think that all I focus on is the bad stuff so I'd like to let everyone know, including him, that I think (and our daughter of course does to) that he is the best, sweetest, most handsome, wonderful husband & father in the world & I love him more each & every day!!!! We are so lucky to have him in our lives!!!!

[mmaccartney]

Great to hear the positive side!

It looks like he has been gluten-free for about a month; it will take time to heal and feel better. I've been on the diest for just over a year and I do feel about 90% better. It took about 2-3 months on the diet before I really started feeling better.

[jerseyangel]

It took me about 4 months before I "turned the corner". My first few months were rough. It does take time. Your husband sounds like a wonderful person--hopefully, he will be feeling that way again very soon. Did you give any more thought to the food journal? I can't help but think he could be reacting to something else as well. Don't mean to harp, I just want to help. I'll be quiet now....

[swittenauer]

Actually he has been gluten free since July of 05. We have just run into some problems over the past several weeks with him being glutened it seems.

[swittenauer]

I forgot to mention the food diary. I think we will need to start that right away. I'm a bit unsure of how to. I mean should I keep track of everything he eats & then write down each time he is feeling bad & maybe I'll sense some sort of pattern after a few weeks or something.

[jerseyangel]

Yes--It dosen't have to be complicated. List everything he puts in his mouth and include the personal care products (those probably won't change from day to day anyway). Also note any and all symptoms he has. After doing this for a while, you should begin to see some sort of pattern--trying to do this from memory alone is next to impossible--it took me a good 6 months to detect my intolerances. I never made a note, though, when I began to drink water filtered from our new referigerator last year. I just made that connection recently when I found out that the water is filtered through coconut hulls, and I am sensitive to coconut. I've been so much better--emotionaly also--since I switched back to spring water. Unfortunately, we have to become detectives and chemists both! I know that you will find the answer(s) to this--I told you about the water to illustrate how something we think is irrevelent could actually be a culprit.

[mmaccartney]

I thought this might help. Here is a few days excerpt from my food diary from January of this year. I was keeping track of my symptoms, medications and food. I didn't address soaps and such, though I should have. This particular set of log entries showed me that some flavors of the soy dream ice cream I was eating were most likely cross contaminated; and I have eliminated them from my diet.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

5pm

Cause Your Special cupcakes

Duncan Hines Creamy Supreme Vanilla Frosting

7pm

Baby Carrots

Sunday, January 15, 2006

3am

Pain in stomach, 4/10 nausea, lots of foul gas from both ends, mild diarrhea

9am

Symptoms subside

6pm

Cause Your Special French bread

Homemade spaghetti sauce

Jimmy Dean sausage patties

Steak Umm

Cauliflower

10pm

Soy Dream Cherry Nirvana ice cream

Monday, January 16, 2005

3am

Stomach pain, 5-6/10, lots of foul gas from both ends, bad nausea, mild diarrhea

8am

Diarrhea starts

10am

Symptoms end, no appetite.

2pm

Soynut butter sandwich

6pm

Green beans, corn with earth balance

1.5 sunrich veggie burger

Giant Eagle tater tots

Cravendish hash browns

7pm

Apple Pie - homemade w/ gluten-free/CF crust and Giant Eagle apple pie filling

Soy Delicous Vanilla Ice Cream

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

10am

Jimmy Dean sausage patties

The Cravings Place pancakes

6pm

Broccoli

Cauliflower

Baked Potato (Tofutti Sour Cream, Earth Balance)

Salad w/ Lipton gluten-free/DF Ranch Dressing (Soymilk and Tofutti Sour Cream)

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

8am

Health Valley Foods Rice Crunch ‘em Cereal w/ Soymilk

11am

Banana

12pm

Salad w/ Lipton gluten-free/DF Ranch Dressing (Soymilk and Tofutti Sour Cream)

12:30pm

Thai Kitchen Garlic Rice Noodles

Glutano Crackers

1:30pm

Vicoden (Arthritis)

8pm

Minestrone (homemade)

Broccoli, Cauliflower, green beans, corn, garlic, spices, tomatoes, vegetable boullion

Tuna Fish Salad Sandwich (homemade, Lipton gluten-free/cf ranch dressing made wtih Soymilk and Tofutti sour cream; bread from Cravings place mix)

Baked Potato w/ earth balance, tofutti sour cream

Tedious and time consuming....yes. Revealing, absolutely.

Yes--It dosen't have to be complicated. List everything he puts in his mouth and include the personal care products (those probably won't change from day to day anyway). Also note any and all symptoms he has. After doing this for a while, you should begin to see some sort of pattern--trying to do this from memory alone is next to impossible--it took me a good 6 months to detect my intolerances. I never made a note, though, when I began to drink water filtered from our new referigerator last year. I just made that connection recently when I found out that the water is filtered through coconut hulls, and I am sensitive to coconut. I've been so much better--emotionaly also--since I switched back to spring water. Unfortunately, we have to become detectives and chemists both! I know that you will find the answer(s) to this--I told you about the water to illustrate how something we think is irrevelent could actually be a culprit.

Wow, you are right I never would have thought about water filters!!!!!

here is another obscure one. I found out that some starches that dry cleaners can use can be made from wheat. Most use rice based as it produces a better product; but wheat starches are an option!

[swittenauer]

Thanks! That should be very helpful. You are right....tedious but useful info to keep track of.

[swittenauer]

Well, I really messed up this time. It seems as though I can give advice but not take my own. Maybe I just talk a good game. I don't know. Last night was bad! My husband was tired & had a massive headache & wasn't feeling good at all. He was angry & I don't blame him at all but when he told me he just needed me to go away. I didn't. Instead I wanted to know why he was saying the things that he was. I'm not good at walking away when I feel as though I did nothing wrong. How do I just leave without resolution of a problem or while feeling the need to justify or explain myself or explain to him why he shouldn't act the way he is. This is a major problem with us lately. Any suggestions for ways to change MY behavior. It is totally me this time I believe. I should give him what he needs & walk away but I can't when I feel so hurt.