Kinda Don't Know What To Do

[Gfresh404]

I've had my ups and downs just like everyone here but things have gotten a lot worse recently and they don't seem to be getting any better. I have been gluten-free for about 3 years and I just removed dairy again as well because I noticed a significant improvement in mood and energy level. At this point I am really frustrated. I'm 21 and in college right now. But I can't drink because one or two drinks makes me feel s$#&ty. And I want to just be able to go out and act like an idiot. I just wanna get drunk and do stupid stuff like a normal college kid. And I want to be able to hook up with girls, but I don't feel right doing that when they're drunk and I am not. It just seems like there's nothing I can do. And I always feel so isolated because every time I get hungry I usually have to go home to have a meal, I have brought some snacks out with me before, but that only delayed. And to be honest, I don't think I'd have the energy to commit to some other club or sports team - at least without having my grades drop a bit. I just want to be normal and to be able to do stupid s$#& without my body punishing me dearly for it. I know there will always be people in much worst situations but it sucks because it's like I am almost normal, I am almost there, but then NO. And no one really understands how much it sucks, and how lonely and isolated you feel. Sometimes I just want out. Sometimes I just wish a I had a disorder where people understood the difficulties of it. Or at least something that didn't tempt me with the idea of having a completely normal life.

I am sorry for the rant, but I just needed to get it off my chest. I had been previously meeting with a counselor but it only helped so much. Any ideas, feedback, or ANYTHING are much appreciated.

What really sucked tonight was going over to my buddy's house to watch the game and seeing them all with girls, cute ones too. I just felt so alone - like I was left out in the cold. It just sucked! I f$#%ing hate life right now.

Oh and I have recently had blood work done and everything checked out. I really don't think it's a physical thing - I feel like it's mostly situational. Unless it is depression on top of having to be gluten-free.

[Skylark]

Where were you when I was in college? I sure would have liked a cool guy who didn't feel the need to get drunk at every party! There are certain things boys and girls do *ahem* that don't work very well when the guy is drunk... You might be pleasantly surprised if you find some girls who aren't so into drinking.

[Strawberry-Jam]

To be honest, the desire to have sex with drunk girls--girls who often cannot give real, true, consent--is not good. Even if you're drunk as well, how can you know that she's giving you real consent if her judgement is impaired? Are you comfortable with the possibility of hooking up with someone who, in her right mind, would never say yes?

(hint: YOU SHOULDN'T BE)

Find a girl who wants to be with you while you're both sober and I promise it would be a much more real and memorable and enjoyable experience for both of you.

also, re: drinking--it makes everyone feel s$#&ty, dude. some people are just too stupid to realise that. I also can't drink too much or I pay for it for the whole next day (and I'm talking tipsy drunk--I've never gotten so drunk that I vomited). But sometimes it can be kinda fun to be the only sober person in a group of drunks. I make a great designated driver as well.

[Adalaide]

It can be downright hilarious to be the only sober person in a group of drunks!

Along the lines of drunk girls can not consent to sex, keep in mind that if she decides the next day that she didn't consent you could wind up in jail and labeled a sex offender the rest of your life. Not saying it'll happen, but it could. And like Skylark said, sometimes drunk guys are incapable of sex and wouldn't that be embarrassing even if you aren't sober?

I know it doesn't seem like it now and I know a lot of people just want to spend 4 years partying, but one day you'll look back and realize that most of what happened in college never mattered. Focusing more on academics than on parties makes you significantly more likely to end up employed and able to pay off your student loans, assuming you have any. Women prefer employed men, so they may get more chicks now (of a considerably questionable quality to be sure) but you'll come out on top in the end.

[Juliebove]

I can't drink either. At your age, I would try sometimes. But it didn't agree with me. So maybe you're lucky there because getting drunk isn't a good thing. Nor do you want to be around drunk women. I did still go out. I had diet soda or club soda. Not everyone in a club drinks.

Do you have a job? If not, then maybe you should look for one. Even if it's for just a few hours a week or even a volunteer job. You can meet women and make friends that way.

[MitziG]

Every adult on this board is banging their head in frustration right now. What I would like to post is something very parental...but would probably get me kicked off the board. And I am trying to remember that just like everyone else, you are grieving something that Celiac's has taken from you, and with that I can empathize at least.

But please listen to this much at least. There is much more opportunity to be gleaned from college than drunken sex and partying.

It is difficult to not fit in, no matter your age. The reality is you are NEVER going to fit in with the drunken party crowd, because you can not join them. So it is time to find a new crowd.

What I WISH you could believe, is that this is NOT a loss.

There are many, many people who go to college to get an education. Perhaps you don't think they are cool enough to hang out with. But the people who are not too wasted to show up for class, and the people who dont have random sex with other drunk people, are actually QUALITY people. Take the time to seek them out and get to know them. You will likely find REAL friends that you have things in common with. People you can laugh with, hang out with, make memories with. And yes, some of them will be female. And good looking. I promise.

The reason college kids get drunk is that they are still young and immature and are finally handed enough freedom to do what they want, and like a little kid in a candy store they go crazy with it. it is not an admirable quality, nor is it an admirable lifestyle.

You can do better.

[Gfresh404]

Where were you when I was in college? I sure would have liked a cool guy who didn't feel the need to get drunk at every party! There are certain things boys and girls do *ahem* that don't work very well when the guy is drunk... You might be pleasantly surprised if you find some girls who aren't so into drinking.

I don't want to get plastered - just enough to take the edge off of things. And mainly to fit in.

To be honest, the desire to have sex with drunk girls--girls who often cannot give real, true, consent--is not good. Even if you're drunk as well, how can you know that she's giving you real consent if her judgement is impaired? Are you comfortable with the possibility of hooking up with someone who, in her right mind, would never say yes?

(hint: YOU SHOULDN'T BE)

Find a girl who wants to be with you while you're both sober and I promise it would be a much more real and memorable and enjoyable experience for both of you.

also, re: drinking--it makes everyone feel s$#&ty, dude. some people are just too stupid to realise that. I also can't drink too much or I pay for it for the whole next day (and I'm talking tipsy drunk--I've never gotten so drunk that I vomited). But sometimes it can be kinda fun to be the only sober person in a group of drunks. I make a great designated driver as well.

Not looking for moral advice here - I'm also not looking to take advantage of anyone either. I also don't want a relationship at this point in my life - if I wanted one of those I would of already had one.

It can be downright hilarious to be the only sober person in a group of drunks!

Along the lines of drunk girls can not consent to sex, keep in mind that if she decides the next day that she didn't consent you could wind up in jail and labeled a sex offender the rest of your life. Not saying it'll happen, but it could. And like Skylark said, sometimes drunk guys are incapable of sex and wouldn't that be embarrassing even if you aren't sober?

I know it doesn't seem like it now and I know a lot of people just want to spend 4 years partying, but one day you'll look back and realize that most of what happened in college never mattered. Focusing more on academics than on parties makes you significantly more likely to end up employed and able to pay off your student loans, assuming you have any. Women prefer employed men, so they may get more chicks now (of a considerably questionable quality to be sure) but you'll come out on top in the end.

It was fun the first couple of times and now it's just kind of annoying. I feel like things would be a lot more enjoyable if I was a little tipsy as well.

And what are you my mother?

I can't drink either. At your age, I would try sometimes. But it didn't agree with me. So maybe you're lucky there because getting drunk isn't a good thing. Nor do you want to be around drunk women. I did still go out. I had diet soda or club soda. Not everyone in a club drinks.

Do you have a job? If not, then maybe you should look for one. Even if it's for just a few hours a week or even a volunteer job. You can meet women and make friends that way.

I don't know what it's like at other schools, but all the girls that don't drink here aren't the most exciting people. They're usually very socially awkward and not the coolest people to be around. It just seems to me that the girls and guys I would most get along with drink at least casually and that's all I really want.

A job would probably be a good idea.

[pricklypear1971]

Yeah, I get it. You feel out of place and a bit awkward like a giant "C" is blinking on your forehead. Everyone wants to know why you aren't drinking?

Just carry around a drink - a cheap can/bottle of something or a cup of mystery stuff (soda, whatever). Learn to deflect the questions. Counter with remarks that turn the convo around to the questioner. It's a skill that will come in handy in the working world.

And find a FWB. You're getting to the age where they're going to be more common. Try to find a slightly older FWB...older women(especially at your age) can be a bit more interesting and exciting (not to mention mature). Look at the intense majors - the ones too busy to breathe (much less date). Pick the girl that intimidates you and go to work. What's she going to do? Say no???

And sober sex is great, especially with a FWB.

I guess I'm saying try going outside your comfort zone, expand your party base.

[bumblebee-carnival]

I totally get it about not wanting to be the sober person in the room full of drunks. It's entertaining once or twice, but then it's just super annoying and you feel like a babysitter. Can you not drink anything at all or is it just beer? Hard liquor is generally gluten free.

For snacks, this might be kind of goofy, but what I do is carry, I think they are called Jack Links. They are like Slim Jims and are individually packaged. Since it's meat it doesn't matter if it gets warm in your pocket. I get a big container of them at Costco for around $10. Just be sure to read the ingredients because some of those prepackaged meat things actually have gluten in them. Or Kind Bars are pocket sized, too, but a little on the expensive side.

I get not wanting to be the skeevy sober guy who hooks up with drunk girls. I'm sure there are cool girls who don't drink or drink less, they are just a little harder to find because like you they feel a isolated. A FWB may be the way to go there, but that can be a little tricky, too. Sometimes people say they are good with that kind of arrangement, but they end up having feelings for the other person. So...I guess I am not much help on this topic. LOL

[Jestgar]

I don't know what it's like at other schools, but all the girls that don't drink here aren't the most exciting people. They're usually very socially awkward and not the coolest people to be around.

SLAP SLAP SLAP!! Having BEEN that girl :angry:

But I know what you mean about sometimes just wanting to feel the same as everyone else. And I think drunk people are really dull and stupid to be around when you are sober.

Find something else to drink, I guess. Hard alcohol, hard cider, wine. Find something you like and bring it with you. Bring snacks - nuts, chips, something easy to carry. If you go out in a group you can volunteer to be the designated driver, some bars will give free pop or soda to the dd.

[cyberprof]

Gfresh404, I feel for you I really do. It's hard to be 1) different and 2) feeling left out.

It does sound a little like depression or at least grief that you don't have the easy-going life that your (non-glutenfree) buddies have.

But (sorry about starting to sound like your mother) what do you want to get drunk for? (I have two college kids of my own and one of them tells me all about the drinking that s/he and roommates do.) And I challenge the notion that you can only have friends/girls if you get drunk. What they are reacting to is your "feeling" different and your being "out of sorts" due to grief or depression.

Since you asked this on a board (of mostly married women- old enough to be your mother in my case) I assume that you want advice: Try a job, an activity, a passion. Life starts outside of college. It sounds like you are stuck between college and real life and the sooner you get the real life started, the happier you'll be.

Good luck. I wish you the best.

[Jestgar]

Since you asked this on a board (of mostly married women- old enough to be your mother in my case) ....

Most of whom are incredibly proud of you for putting your health first, even though it's interfering with your social life at the moment. :wub:

[cyberprof]

Most of whom are incredibly proud of you for putting your health first, even though it's interfering with your social life at the moment. :wub:

True.

I also forgot to mention that I'm a college professor, so I've seen a lot of college kids over the years. College is - for most people - not the best time of life, even though it's marketed as such. If you're 21, you may just be feeling stiffled by college and looking forward to being out of that environment.

[Skylark]

I don't want to get plastered - just enough to take the edge off of things. And mainly to fit in.

I think you are right to suspect that you are a little depressed. What you are describing is self-medication. When your mind is working right, there is not much to need take the edge off. Then you go to a party and laugh at your friends' drunken antics and choose to skip the hangover. Would you be surprised to learn that stress and depression tend to trigger alcohol cravings in men? They trigger anxiety in women so you guys might have it better off in some ways.

We are lecturing you because most adults have watched at least one alcoholic ruin their lives, their spouse's lives, and their children's lives with alcohol. I've seen many more than one. A drink or two is totally normal, but when you want to "get drunk and do stupid stuff", or "take the edge off" with alcohol, that is when you need to tread carefully. Many alcoholics get started drinking in college. (And some begin the self-destruction by flunking out.) I'd be willing to bet you know someone who has flunked a test because of drinking rather than studying or even passing out and sleeping through it. I had to fail a guy on his final a couple years ago for sleeping through it and alcohol was likely involved.

The food thing sucks for fitting in. We all struggle with it, and would all like to go eat pizza and have a beer without worrying about it. All the gluten we are surrounded with is soul-crushing. One thing that helps is to know all the popular places you can get gluten-free pizza, a dedicated fryer for fries, or even a salad bar in a pinch so you can eat with friends. That said, I wish I were as lucky as you to have been diagnosed at age 18. I lost 14 years of my life to this disease. You have to get over feeling weird about bringing food to parties. Instead of a snack, pack a proper meal becasue you will feel better if you're not hungry. Peanut butter on gluten-free bread travels well. So do apples, oranges, bags of veggies, nuts, gluten-free jerkey, and bags of potato chips.

Make sure they have tested your thyroid at student health. Not recovering well from exercise and depression can be a sign of hypothyroidism. Get the lab results and if your TSH is above 2.5, make yourself a squeaky wheel until they do something. TSH is sometimes misread because of old, incorrect reference ranges.

Many celiacs are a little malnourished. Here's what I'd do if I were you: I'd go onto a GOOD multivitamin/chelated mineral supplement. Not one-a-day, but something like Solgar Male Multiple. A good vitamin will cost some money but the cheap stuff often just goes through you. Make sure it has a lot of B-complex, and includes molybdenum so you can make alcohol metabolizing enzymes. I find I feel generally awful and don't sleep well if I don't take some fish oil, about 3 capsules of normal-strength or two concentrated a day. These things may help with the depression in general, and they may also improve your alcohol tolerance a little. You could also look into St. John's Wort or 5-HTP.

It's possible you're reacting to traces of gluten in alcohols. I'm sure you know that beer is not gluten-free. *sigh* I miss Guinness. Anyway, not many celiacs react to grain alcohol, but some do. Potato vodka is by far the easiest alcohol to tolerate because it's so pure but you may find it a little expensive, especially to bring to a party. Other super-safe alcohols are wine, hard cider (Strongbow, Blackthorn, Magner's, Woodpecker are all safe. I think I remember something about gluten in Hornsby's but it's gross anyway.), gluten-free beer like Redbridge (beware "low gluten" beers; they are unsafe), a sugar cane rum like Bacardi, or agave tequila. Do yourself a favor and don't get drunk on tequila! Worst hangover ever! Red wine can be tricky because it has so many natural chemicals in it, but white is usually pretty easy to tolerate.

If you're of Asian descent, you may never tolerate alcohol very well. If you're of European, Hispanic, or African-American descent, the nutrition may help. It may not though. I'm of European descent and tolerate alcohol poorly. As PricklyPear said, you can learn to nurse a drink, deflect questions, carry around a cup of something other than alcohol.

I don't know what it's like at other schools, but all the girls that don't drink here aren't the most exciting people. They're usually very socially awkward and not the coolest people to be around. It just seems to me that the girls and guys I would most get along with drink at least casually and that's all I really want.

Hint: Those socially awkward girls are the smart, kind ones who will treat you like a prince if you give them a chance.

[kareng]

My son is a college freshman. He lives in the dorm so that has helped him meet a girl or 2. I'll pretend I haven't heard the part about hooking up from you or my son, J. I want to live in denial.

He is meeting most of the girls he likes in activities. A hiking group, at the student gym, a group that volunteers to help with a mentally disabled adult party once a month. If he could have a dog, he would meet even more girls. He has to be brave enough to ask these totally sober girls to go get a smoothie or do they need a ride to Target? I think it's harder to ask girls out when you are sober and on a tight budget. Try to find an activity that will have girls.

Besides the fact that my son is " cute", he looks new people in the eye and smiles. This comes naturally to him, he's done it since he was a baby. Some of us have to practice and make an effort to do this. Do this with everyone. You never know when that engaged girl in your class will think you are so nice she wants you to meet her cousin .

You will find someone. I know you can.

[GlutenFreeAustinite]

As someone relatively close to your age, and a female who is not "socially awkward," I can honestly say I don't really like when I see guys who are drunk/tipsy/buzzed/whatever. As I will be the girl not drinking my way through college, it's nice to see someone who doesn't drink too. But if you really want to drink, bring something you can drink and stick to that. There's enough alcohol out there that celiacs can tolerate.

And, I have to say, you got a lecture on here because you kind of asked for one. No one's going to be sympathetic to your desire to hook up with girls like everybody else. Sorry.

[notme]

STOP WATCHING PORN!!!!! LOLOLS just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD....

[vb10]

I wrote a really long reply, but it disappeared somewhere in the cyberspace...

So I am not going to re-write it, sorry.

Just two points:

1. I know how you feel. You want to be like everybody else, drink, eat pizza, hang out with cute girls. Hey, this is totally understandable. If you want, I can give you pick up lines that really work But just because you are gluten intolerant does not mean you cannot have a cute girl or drink a gluten-free beer (there is a gluten-free beer, just in case you did not know). To start a conversation with a girl, you don't need food - so it has nothing to do with gluten.

2. I think of me being gluten intolerant as a blessing. My life is so different now and... it is better in many ways. Yes, I am still recovering, yes, I lack energy... but... I care more about myself. I don't eat junk anymore. My life revolves around my needs. And I have friends who like me not because I am gluten intolerant, but because I am who I am, whether I am sick or not. And that means a lot to me. Maybe more than anything else in the world.

It is going to be okay. I promise. And you find lots of cute girls because they will like you for who you are, not what you can drink or eat.

[Strawberry-Jam]

If you're of Asian descent, you may never tolerate alcohol very well. If you're of European, Hispanic, or African-American descent, [...]

you mean European, Hispanic, or African?

Or European-, Hispanic-, or African-American?

[Skylark]

you mean European, Hispanic, or African?

Or European-, Hispanic-, or African-American?

*hands Strawberry_Jam a grammar police badge and stalks off, deeply irritated to get attacked over a constructive post that took rather a while to write through a haze of brain fog*

[mushroom]

GAAAAH!!! Just what the world needs.... one more drunken college student sowing his wild oats Surely man was made for a higher purpose????

Yes, celiac can be isolating in many ways, but you must learn to deal with it now because it won't change when you get out of college -- you will still find yourself wishing you could lead a "normal" life if you don't get over that particular hang-up now. You have to learn ways to adapt your life to make it as normal as you can for whatever situation you find yourself in, whether it be as best man at a friend's wedding, at a cocktail party, a tailgate party, a beach barbecue --it's all the same problem, just in a different set of clothes.

[Strawberry-Jam]

*hands Strawberry_Jam a grammar police badge and stalks off, deeply irritated to get attacked over a constructive post that took rather a while to write through a haze of brain fog*

Sorry...

[frieze]

grandparental age here...

1) depression

2) delayed adolescence d/t being dx so late.....having to work through normal psych

milestones, and a life changing chronic disease at the same time.

3) Probably malnutrition, especially Vitamin D and especially if you are in the north part of

the country. Research Vit D and depression in adolescents.

4) Increase you physical activity, young women you might meet at the gym MAY be less likely to be drinkers.

5) Remember that EVERY time you get a "buzz" you are killing brain cells that are not

replaced.

6) If you tried AD meds while an active celiac, ie before dx, and they didn't seem to work,

think of retrying them now, that you are absorbing what you take in.

Good luck

[Skylark]

Sorry...

's OK. It was just how the ancestry thing came out. Didn't mean anything by it...

[rosetapper23]

Okay, I've read your original post several times and the responses that you've received to date. The one thing that no one has addressed is that you're trying to find a girl in a world filled with gluten-eating people. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could find a girl who also has celiac? Have you tried registering with Meetup.com to meet girls who also have celiac? By the way, paleo/primal diet folks also skip gluten, and there are a LOT more of them around than people with celiac. I've met a lot of celiacs through Meetup.com, and I've also attended numerous celiac conferences throughout the country--and, dang, there are some pretty good-looking celiacs out there! Look into the Gluten Intolerance Group (www.gluten.net), www.celiaccentral.org, and other sites to find support groups and conferences nearby--you'll meet people with whom you can socialize. Believe me--it can make all the difference in your life and mental attitude. You won't feel left out, and there's an extra benefit: celiacs often mirror the faces of other celiacs because their bones don't set until later in life (due to malabsorption of the hormone that stops bone growth). As a result, since we tend to be attracted to people whose faces mirror our own, we have a higher chance of being attracted to someone with celiac than a person who isn't. Okay, okay...this is my own personal theory, but it's based on a number of worldwide studies on this subject. If I were young again, I would definitely try to find a mate who is just like me...a celiac.