Annoyed At Hubby

[Nicolette]

Was eating a packet of Walkers Crisps yesterday, because i knew they were safe to eat, but thought half way through, I'd just look at the ingredients anyway. My blood ran cold when I saw the usual "Safe for Coeliacs" bit wasn't on it and then I checked the list and it said the flavourings were made from wheat (Barbecue flavoured crisps)

I stopped eating immediately and felt quite mad at myself. I usually check everything, even the safe stuff, just to be on the safe side and yet this had passed me by.

As the day wore on and i began to get pains in my gut and began to feel bloated, I told hubby what had happened and said it had to be from the crisps.

He looked at me like i'd suggested the moon was made from wheat and said 'Oh, come on, it was only a few crisps. Don't be ridiculous.'

I was so mad! I thought he was being understanding about this Coeliac thing, but even though today, I still feel bloated and a little 'off' he still thinks its all in my mind.

[frenchiemama]

OOOOHHH! That would burn my butt. I have gotten that from other people, thinking that I'm being too "picky" or over-reacting. I guess I can see how some people wouldn't understand, but if you feel sick, you feel sick! Kick him in the shins.

[kabowman]

I had the same reaction from my father when he visited this summer. He ate a sandwhich on our boat and, I swear, there was a 2-3 foot circle of crumbs and then he wanted to open the cooler right in front of him and I told him no, I would take care of it because of his crumbs...he even made comments about how I kept cleaning the kitchen because there were always crumbs in there after he left.

My mom was very understanding when she visited later in the summer but she also has stomach problems so she understands.

Some people just take longer to get it...

[Kasey'sMom]

I would be frustrated as well!! The other day we we're working on a project with my father in-law. He came back from lunch and I asked him if he would use a wipe on his hands, we didn't have any water. We were all touching the same supplies and he responded by saying, "I don't know that what I ate even had gluten in it." I tried to explain but I think it was a lost cause! I started talking with him and found out had deep fried fish at the local dinner. He must have picked his teeth for what seemed like an hour......

[hez]

I think if my dh said that to me I might explode from anger! This is a auto immune disease! If it was a psch problem I would see a shrink!

Maybe some re-education might do him some good.

Hez

[Wandering Hermit]

It would be nice if we each had Joe Pesci or Al Pacino as a cousin and we could call him up and have him "re-educate" our dear relatives in a most persuasive manner.

[Jnkmnky]

'Oh, come on, it was only a few crisps. Don't be ridiculous'

Well, remind him what only a few sperm will do.

Only a few doesn't mean NOT ENOUGH to do anything.

Doesn't a single grain of sand irritate an oyster enough to make a pearl?

Even a little can be more than enough.

[beelzebubble]

i had a similar problem with snapple iced tea..."oh come on, it was only a little"...until i threw up on the guest room floor ...

[lovegrov]

Snapple is gluten-free.

richard

[bluelotus]

i understand about the hubby thing - have gotten that myself and i was wondering if i was the only one married to the occasionally unsympathetic male.... i wrote more on this under someone's topic about being proud of their hubbies....blah. he's coming around, but men are so dense, it takes time.....more than you might assume

[jenvan]

that really stinks... hopefully in time he'll 'come around' and get it. it took my dh a while.

ps--great examples Jnkmnky !

[luvs2eat]

I like "just a little sperm" analogy. Like others have said on here too... "oh come on... it was only a LITTLE rat poison!"

[beelzebubble]

  lovegrov said:

Snapple is gluten-free.

richard

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

not according to the customer service people. i drank half of a snapple, got really nauseous, threw up on the floor in the guest room and called their customer service number. they told me that the caramel color was derived from barley malt. they said that the diet was gluten-free. not the regular. unless something has changed??!!?? this was about 3 years ago.

[Connielynn38]

  beelzebubble said:

not according to the customer service people.  i drank half of a snapple, got really nauseous, threw up on the floor in the guest room and called their customer service number.  they told me that the caramel color was derived from barley malt.  they said that the diet was gluten-free.  not the regular.  unless something has changed??!!??  this was about 3 years ago.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, I know what you mean and how you feel. My husband and even my own family at my house can be so insensitive to me. I don't have much support at all to be honest. It is very hard. I have other problems too as well as FMS.

I get migraines from MSG and have had to quit eating that too. My husband finally gets that from how sick I was getting. I was throwing up every day. But he still will say about some foods oh I don't think a little bit of that will hurt you.

My doctor also thinks I have celiac disease too, waiting on blood test results.

I am supposed to go his parents Sunday for an early brithday dinner for me since I am having surgery a few days before my birthday and will not be up to it then. My husband does not like for me to talk about my health problems much to them, and he will not talk to them. They have noticed I eat different and stuff!!!!! They think it is some crazy diet!!!!! I can't win.

Guess I will just have to eat a little of what I can!!! Gesh. His parents are good to me though.

Now I am expected to eat Sunday. I was not consulted or asked about the menu!!!! I will probably get sick later. Some birthday dinner. I can hear now what my hubby would say to me. I don't want to offend my MOM!!!! Well what about me? I mean it is for my birthday!!!!

My husband would probably get the insensitive medal of the year award sometimes. If I try to even talk to him sometimes about stuff, he gets upset. Yesterday he asked me if I wanted a pacifier for my birthday. This is a man who has no friends!!!!!! I got upset, I just got in my car calmly, left, and ran my errands, picked up some stuff we needed etc..

I guess he missed me, he apolgized later. I am usually home most evenings with him. I told him how much remarks like that hurt me. I have friends, He only has me, our daughter, we take care of another teen, and his parents!!! I have no extended family here though. He has said before though he is not good at communicating!!!! I give him books, I told him to try and learn!!!!!!

He is not one to usually say he is sorry. He also did some stuff around the house while I was gone. Something I really need help with!!!!! Well I went on and on here.

It is bad enough to be sick but to have little support at home is even worse. And my husband is better then he used to be!!!!!

[laurelfla]

Connielynn38, sounds like you've got it rough!! i'm so sorry to hear about your lack of support. good for you for all your efforts, though. thank goodness for this forum, right?!

[4getgluten]

I'm so sorry to hear these about these unsympathetic spouses. This is new for you and new for them. Hopefully, over time, they will come around. Most of the time my husband is super understanding and careful with his crumbs in our kitchen. But, once in awhile his frustration with my picky eating comes out. He'll tell me that whatever I ate couldn't possibly have made me sick, and that it's all in my head. I'll just say, "no, my head doesn't hurt, it's my belly that's the problem." Usually that works. Keep trying to educate them. I've found even though my husband acts like he isn't listening, he really is!

Good luck.

[PicturePerfect]

I know that it isn't nearly as bad.. since you have to live with your spouses, but I had the same problem with one of my best friends. I may have been overreacting, although I don't think so. At school, everyone around me is always eating wheat. And, obviously, I don't like to touch wheat, especially if I am eating. Well, there was a piece of goldfish or bread or something. And I wanted to swipe it away.. but I was eating. So I asked her to do it. She said that it wouldn't hurt me if I did it. Although it was only little, I got really mad at her. I mean, would she say that about a sandwich that had gotten crumbs all over my food?? She has gotten better, though, which is always good.

Lisa

[cornbread]

My spouse is very understanding about the gluten-free thing and takes my requirements seriously, but he still forgets about it sometimes which is annoying, like he will offer me food to try from his (glutened) plate or suggest we eat somewhere that isn't safe for me. Just little things, not meaning any harm, but it frustrates me that I'm not able to ever forget about being gluten-free yet for him it's obviously not at the forefront of his mind. He always says "oh, I'm sorry! I forgot!!" and is genuine about that, but it's still annoying - just because I wish I had the luxury of 'forgetting', you know?

Also when I get glutened and get irritable, and calmy explain to him "I am glutened, this is why I am irritable, I am sorry..." he *still* takes it personally and argues back if I start being grouchy with him, and then sulks, as if it is a *real* fight. And the fact that he can't see or remember (or believe?) that it's the gluten making me grumpy makes me twice as mad! Sometimes I think it would be easier to be single when I'm glutened, it is hard enough to take care of myself without worrying about my spouse being offended. And he NEVER offers to cook. He offers to take us out to eat, that is his version of cooking, but to me that's not a treat, it's stressful. So I end up doing all the cooking because I need to eat safe. If he is hungry, he would rather go without and skip a meal than make an omlette. I'm sure he would be capable if he tried, it's like it's too much trouble. Even if I'm sick and need food, and am quite frankly too exhausted to make myself a meal, he will offer to go pick something up for me rather than offer to cook. It's sweet that he offers to fetch me something of course, but it would be sweeter if he'd go the extra mile and figure out how to cook me a simple, safe meal.

Ok, rant over!

[heatherh]

To connielyn:

Maybe its because my husband is military...and I maybe am over girlafying things. But sometimes a man who acts like a jerk is just afraid to be himself, and sometimes a who cares,unsupportive attitude is just a way to not let his feelings show. If hes a good man he has to feel pretty helpless right now, because he can't swoop in and "fix it" for you. If he wont tell his parents, you tell them. there are ways to do so with out being rude. Ie: " Hi Jane I am lonking forward to my big birthday dinner on saterday. I don't know if tom told you but I am on a resticted diet right now. 1) I love your herbed chicken and your sweet potatos are to die for, it was be such a special treat if we could have that. 2) I want to make sure i'll be able to injoy everything that you make, do you know what we will be having, I'd hate for you to go to a lot of trouble,and me not be able to injoy your fabulose cooking.

[NepalFreak]

Not having a spouse, I can't sympothize but I've had my share of insensitivity or whatever you'd call it. My brother and good friends made up a song...

I know a food and its name is gluten.

It's the best food in the world its gluten.

Gluten. Gluten.

It was pretty funny, but the best part was when he was diagnosed about a year and half afterwards. We sang in a choir in Ukraine and I went early and taught the whole choir 'the song' and as he walked in, late as usual, they stopped and the conducter started us singing it in four part harmony! Man was he ticked off, what goes around comes around.

But really, when people start telling me, "It's just a crumb!" or "A little bit won't hurt." My response is, "Do you want me to die?" Usually keeps them quiet for awhile.

Usually when I'm in a group and people start offering cookies or cake or crackers, I'm always the first to pipe up that I want one. They come hurrying over and then are like... oh, you can't. Maybe I have a sick sense of humour!

[Connielynn38]

Thanks laurel and everyone. My husband does not cook, never has!!! We have been married 19 years. I am 38, soon to be 39, and he is 41. We dated 3 years before we even married.

Life is hard. With so many marriages breaking up. I worried in the past that ours might. We still have our moments. But I am glad we stayed together. We would be lost without each other honestly, we know each other so well.

I did talk to him and tell him next time his mom has a dinner one of us has to tell her I am on a special diet for health reasons. I can bring some of my own food. I really don't care what ppl think about me any more. I used to worry about this so much!!!!!!!

I do understand what you mean heather. My husband is a good man in a lot of ways, it is just hard for him to understand some things esp. since he is not sick.

I know he cares, he just cares in his own way. HE does try to help, he just does it in his own way. He learned some of this behavior from his family. They just did not talk or complain much about stuff!!!!!!! All they did was work!!!!! I mean he loves his parents, they were hard workers, etc... But he does have some resentments towards his mom but would never tell her. His mom was really the boss.

He loves his dad. My husband is not like his dad though, he is more like his mom. His dad is more easy going.

My husband has always worked and taken care of me and our daughter. I have had FMS for years and I have not been been able to work a lot of the time. But I did take care of our daughter who is 17 now and the house. But the last 2 or 3 years I have really gotten sicker.

My husband has learned how to do more around the house the last few years. We have found a hobby we can do together and this has really helped!!!!!

So I should say in all fairness there are positive things about my husband too. He really is trying to change. I know it must be hard for him. Growing up, he was one of 4 kids. And a twin at that and often picked on and had to take up for himself. And taught that boys do not cry and show their emotions and all that. I think this is wrong!!!!!

It has been hard. I am far from perfect myself too. I have to get some surgery in a few days and my husband is off work tomorrow. I need help around the house. He is going to go around the house beside me and help me!!! He asked me what I needed done!!!! So I told him. So he is trying. I have to give him credit, really.

So I guess this is more like real life. Not what we see on TV.

Also I think pets are great therapy!!!!! My husband did not have many pets or any dogs when he was little. We have 2 little dogs that even my husband adores!!!! At first he was not going to have anything to do with them, LOL. Now one is so spoiled after him, LOL. Sometimes as women, we kind of have to try to bring men out of their cave if we can, lol. If that makes sense. I am willing to meet my husband half way and he knows it.

My husband is kind of a macho type guy. I am a girly girl. So heather I know what you mean!!! And the hobby that we both do together, and I took this up mostly for my husband, is target practicing!!!! Yes, my husband's hobby is guns and stuff like that. So I bought my first gun this year!!! I actually learned a lot!!!! And we actually get into conversations about this stuff!!!!!!! Live and Learn I guess.