AlwaysLearning

7 hours ago, trents said:

Let's be careful with mental health labels. We don't really know any of these people personally and have only gotten a snapshot of their behavior in a limited context. We all have some narcissism in us.

If you read again, I was careful not to label her family members, rather described my own personal experience with people ... who have official diagnosis. 

On 3/19/2022 at 10:28 PM, Donna-1 said:

To Always Learning: I rejoice that I have friends who want to include me.  But after I have patiently explained a number of times exactly what food restrictions I must follow and why, I do not rejoice that they continue to goad (yes goad) me to eat food that they know contains gluten.  They even give me candy for my birthday saying, "Yes, I know it DOES have gluten because I read the ingredients.  My sister is not supposed to eat gluten, but she does anyway and it doesn't make her sick.  So this candy is NOT going to hurt you.  Just try it."  This is disrespectful.  If they want to be a true friend, why don't they appreciate the fact I am safeguarding my own health.  One even makes wheat noodle dishes and serves them when I go to play cards with her.  She makes rice with wheat-containing soy sauce and serves it to me.  She makes brownies with wheat flour and insists I "just try one."  At no time was I told food would be served beforehand.  I have explained each time that I can not eat wheat because it makes me very ill.  She seems very determined to keep pushing them on me, like a test.  To see if she can make me give in.  I am approaching the point where I may end the friendship.  Because I'm tired of looking her in the eye and being very clear about my food boundaries, and having her saying she thinks it is stupid.  "But we can still be friends," she chirps.  Can we?  How do you define "friend."

Donna, it sounds to me as if your "friend" has some mental health issues. It reminds me of a couple people I know who have narcissistic personality disorder. Telling other people what to do, having no concern for their concerns, and seemingly ignoring anything they say is pretty typical of a narcissist. If this is the case with your friend, then they are probably not actually trying to hurt you, rather they have learned in the past, from others, that feeding people is a way to receive praise and gratitude, and they are trying to repeat that again so that their brain will give them a hit of dopamine as a reward for good behavior. Most of a narcissist's behavior is designed to elicit responses from others so that they can feel better themselves. 

If this sounds like your friend, you need to know that there is no rational way to deal with a narcissist. Narcissists don't care about the people around them, only caring about the part they play in the feel-good formula: behavior + response from others = chemical reward in brain. Don't get me wrong. Many narcissist have learned to have excellent social skills so that they are able to attract people to feed their narcissism. But others, not so much. Some narcissists practice socially-inappropriate behaviors, turning to having power, control, and being competitive so that they can get a "win" to get their drug reward.

You can either go along with their drug-seeking-behavior (don't eat the food, but you can thank them for their efforts and make them feel valued) so that they get the dopamine reward in their brains, but this is only going to reinforce the behavior and allow the problem to persist. Anything else will eventually cause them to be angry with you because you're not playing the game the "right" way. Though a narcissist might be aware of their bad behavior on some level, they have little control over their compulsions. And if others are reinforcing the behavior, thanking them and praising them for sharing food, then they are always going to also try to get you to eat it too. It isn't that they are purposefully trying to physically harm you or hurt your feelings, rather that they are completely incapable of understanding that other people even have feelings.

Once you become aware of a narcissist's shortcomings, it is very difficult to unsee them and it might ruin your relationship (if her attempts to force feed haven't already). But if you can recognize that her behavior is not something over which she has good control, it might be easier for you to forgive her inappropriate behavior and just let it go when it happens.

And I really hope, for your sake, that I am completely wrong and the people in your life aren't actually narcissists.

I don't have any medical advice to give you, but I hope I can offer some moral support in having shared experience.

I didn't get my diagnosis until I was 42. Before that I had phases where I had symptoms and phases where I did not. In hindsight, it was linked directly to eating out (high gluten) vs. cooking for myself (low gluten). I knew something was wrong, but couldn't get any doctors to believe me.

Things had to get incredibly bad before the cause became more obvious. I had injured my knee and suddenly went from a diet where I cooked for myself to eating out for every meal. I got super sick, and fast. It only took about a month of eating a high-gluten diet for my digestion to stop working. Everything just passed right through. The only digestion that was taking place was in my mouth. 

When I went gluten free, unlike your wife, my digestion got better quickly, but my reactions to gluten became MUCH worse. I became super sensitive and was reacting to super low parts per million, even to foods that were supposed to be gluten free. The analogy I used at the time was that it was as if my body had an army of attackers ready to go after gluten, but because they saw it so rarely, they were itching for a fight and became overenthusiastic in their assault when even trace amounts appeared. But that did eventually ease up.

Someone else here gave an explanation. That army has two components. One component is the fighters, the antibodies that attack gluten (or our own bodies). The other is the military base, the cells that are producing the antibodies. And it takes two years of being gluten free for these little antibody-producing factories to disappear. So you can expect an exaggerated response to gluten, or any protein the overeager army confuses for gluten, for a long time.

I share that so you know you are not alone and so you can have more-realistic expectations. It is not a sprint, but a marathon.

The other massive thing you can do is to go gluten free yourself. If you are eating gluten and then kissing your wife ... 

Check out products other than food. Soap, shampoo, dental appliances (gluten is added to some plastics to make them more flexible). Makeup is AWFUL for containing gluten. 

Though I don't have the expertise of some of the other forum users, one of the thoughts that went through my mind when reading your story is that your wife could probably use some gut flora repair. I don't recommend turning to probiotics like yoghurt or kefir that would likely be too much too fast, rather to start to look for foods that contain naturally occurring probiotic or prebiotic components and introducing them in small amounts. Onions, brocolli, bananas. Mushrooms for fungi. And don't forget yeast. A healthy gut flora has a mix of bacteria, fungus, and yeast, and all are needed to keep the others in check. 

Another idea, though it might not be a good one right now, is to try out nutritional shakes ... but only if gluten free. I mention this because there are options specially formulated for a more-senior audience that are supposed to be gluten and dairy free in addition to being packed with nutrients. Though it might not be something you can turn to right away, it might be a tool in your toolbox in the future. I will admit that I started drinking a shake that was targeted toward seniors when I was in my 20s and was dangerously underweight, and it did help, though at the time, I had no idea it was because it was one of the only gluten-free foods in my diet.

I wish both of you the best of luck and hope that she turns a corner soon. Going gluten free is a challenge and please, do not beat yourself up too badly about making mistakes early on ... or later on. We've all done it.

And pro shopping tip: If the ingredients say "natural flavors", put it back on the shelf.

I used to have problems with hives. Turns out it was actually a reaction to mold that I didn't know was in my house, which was causing my immune system to be suped up, which was causing my thyroid to be overactive, which was causing my body to produce too many histamines, which was causing hives.

I have zero allergies but I would get hives on my hands if I washed them. I'd get hives on my legs when I went outside in the cold. It was ridiculous.

I recommend you:

• Get your thyroid levels checked.
• Do a bit of research into histamine intolerance
• Learn about dermatographia 
• Learn what foods are high in histamines so that you can avoid those that will make things worse.

Histamines in your body are like a cup filling up. As long as it is not full, it will not produce symptoms even if the levels are going up and down. But as soon as it starts overflowing, you start to get symptoms.

If your thyroid levels are high, don't let them do surgery to remove your thyroid! Instead, start looking for reasons for why your thyroid might be high, such as the exposure to mold for me (or possibly gluten).

My hives and dermatographia went away once I got my thyroid calmed down with medication. And all of my issues got better once I discovered the mold and dealt with it.

I do know that celiac and thyroid problems are linked, so it makes sense that gluten could cause a similar issue with a person's immune system getting all out of whack and the thyroid becoming overactive. Perhaps someone else has already commented or knows more about this connection specifically. I had already been gluten free for years when I had my issues with hives, so this was not the source of the problem for me.

Soup. I make big batches of it and freeze most of it. Two big pots nets me about 20 servings.

Yes, you do have to take a couple hours to make them in the first place, but if you can get the kids to help out on the prep, you may be able to reduce that. And it can be super healthy, so worth the effort.

The ones I make most often are kind of similar. Vegetable soups but heading in two different directions.

Soup 1: Black beans and rice based:
• Beef stock
• One onion and fresh garlic sauteed before adding to the pot.
• Black beans, soaked the night before (or cooked a little longer, starting them earlier by themselves)
• Celery, red pepper, carrots, lots of corn (I use frozen). You can vary the veggies to include ones you like
• Mushrooms
I normally start the cooking while I'm still cutting things up, starting with the ingredients that will take the longest to cook, like the carrots.
If you want to add some umami flavor, I recommend using just a little bit of dried, sun roasted tomatoes, cut up tiny.
Use spices to your taste. Salt, definitely. I've tried using the shawarma mix they use to flavor gyro lamb. Very tasty. I've also gone a little spicier with white pepper or cayenne pepper. Start with less, you can always add more.

Soup 2: Vegetables, chicken, and egg noodles - or just vegetables
• Chicken stock
• One onion and fresh garlic sauteed before adding to the pot.
• Split peas, soaked the night before (or cooked a little longer, starting them earlier by themselves)
• Celery, red pepper, carrots, cauliflower (not too much) or green beans, potatoes if you don't use noodles. You can vary the veggies to include ones you like
I normally start the cooking while I'm still cutting things up, starting with the ingredients that will take the longest to cook, like the carrots.
You can do just the veggies, or add chicken, or add chicken and noodles. I make my own egg noodles. If your kids are old enough, they might have fun helping to make them, setting aside little mountains of dough to dry a bit before dropping them in the pot. 
Use spices to your taste. Salt, definitely. I normally use the green spices, like herbs de provence. Very tasty. 

But the best things about these soups is that you can make them from ingredients that store well. Carrots and celery last a long time in the fridge, potatoes a long time in the cupboard. I'll cut up and freeze red or green pepper, cauliflower and mushrooms soon after I buy them. Split peas or black beans are dry goods that last for ages, just like the rice. The beef and chicken stocks are canned and will last for ages as long as they aren't opened. Canned chicken, other canned or frozen veggies. And onions and garlic can last for months on your counter.

But I mention this because having an option that you can make after you've run out of all of the other groceries in your fridge is incredibly helpful. You can go from having a fridge and freezer that feel practically empty to feeling full. Also, if you make your soups rather thick, it can be like condensed soup. They take up less space in your freezer and require fewer containers. Then you add more water when you heat them up.

I don't see her numbers, nor would I know what they mean, but from what she has said, I think she has stayed fairly stable, kind of like being pre-diabetic, sometimes a little better, sometimes a little worse. 

Knowing my mom and the way her brain works (how stubborn she can be when it comes to refusing that there could be anything wrong), I suspect that when her numbers get worse, it scares her and she does better at avoiding gluten, and when the numbers get better, she takes more risks. But again, I don't know for certain. This is just the feeling I get from what little she tells me, but she only shares enough to get sympathy. 

Before I say this, I want to state for the record that I whole-heartedly agree with Trents that a higher risk when the risk is already very small is not an area of concern.

I have not been able to convince my mom to get tested for celiac or to go gluten free, despite having a ton of symptoms of autoimmune disease. But I did talk her into going gluten light when she first started testing as having early indications of lymphoma. I can only hope that at least lowering her gluten consumption will continue to keep her from crossing over into a full-blown diagnosis. She's in her 70s and has been walking along the edge for years now.

Congratulations on getting a diagnosis!

Going gluten free can be tough. I think one of the most-helpful things I did was to make sure I found ways to see the positive and try to make eating an adventure instead of a hardship.

Those early trips to the grocery store, when you realize that so many of your favorites are now off limits, can be tough. So I tried to find ways to make it more fun.

• Trying out different premade gluten free foods can be hit or miss. Some are okay, many are awful, so this part of the learning process can be interesting, but at times depressing. They try, but the gluten-free versions of most bread products are nowhere near their gluten-free counterparts. My favorite gluten-free bread products are those made by King Arthur and they fortify their gluten-free flours with vitamins like they do regular wheat flour, which is helpful. Ten years into being gluten-free, I finally got around to making my own gluten-free bread from scratch. I highly recommend. But I don't mention the negatives to bum you out, rather to help you have realistic expectations and to not be disappointed by some of the products out there. Of all of the gluten-free products I tried, about 50% were never purchased again. Forget the lousy ones and be excited about the ones you like! 

• Go on a cooking kick, trying out new recipes and cooking foods you've never cooked before! I went a little crazy with my grocery budget for a while when I first went gluten-free, buying wild salmon, lobster, and snow crab.  It hurt my wallet, but wow it tasted great! Giving myself some treats that were definitely gluten-free really did help me feel less deprived. Nowadays I'm a little more rational. My big thing is making big batches of soup that can be frozen. It is a super easy way to add convenience back into your diet. I make double batches using both of my big pots, giving me about 20 servings that just need to be heated up. Cook once and eat for weeks!

• Make the produce department your new favorite location! All of those bright colors! So much variety! And so many nutrients! The up side is that it is difficult to find anything in a produce department that contains gluten. Of course, some things slip in, so just avoid anything even partially prepared already. Even if you don't currently love fruits and vegetables, it is an easy thing to talk yourself into considering the wide variety of flavors and options for cooking. And don't forget the freezer aisle for veggies. There are lots of safe options in there that will keep longer.

• Make it a game to find things in your local gasoline station mini mart that are gluten free. There aren't many, but knowing the foods that you can count on to be available no matter where you find yourself can be of great help if you are away from home longer than you expected. For instance, most big brands of orange juice are gluten free. Milk is safe. Plain potato chips are generally safe. And learn your protein bars. There are some brands that are both popular and gluten-free. These options are all over the map when it comes to how healthy they are, but in case of emergency, it is good to have a plan before you need it.

• Have fun creating a travel food kit for yourself. Even if you don't make it in advance, having the foods you'd put in it when needed can make it easier to go out into the world. When I first went gluten free, I think I stocked up on about 8 different types of gluten-free protein bars to just grab when I had to leave the house in a hurry. I got a soft-sided mini cooler, small ice blocks, and a cutting board that just fit inside, making it easier to just grab and bag items that I could prepare later, like cutting up an apple into slices to snack on at work. I got a medium sized soft cooler too (it looked like a diaper bag) which was good for bringing more food when away longer. And I already had a larger, cooler. Give yourself options.

• As you explore your options in the grocery store, make a menu of items you can bring with you to parties or family gatherings that you know are safe. There are TONS of hor d'oeuvres that are gluten-free, everything from hard salamis, nut-flour crackers, most cheeses, a lot of dips and spreads, veggie spears for dipping, many types of chips, shrimp cocktail, some cold cuts, etc. Of course, read the labels and look for those that say gluten-free. They are out there. I normally let my host/hostess know in advance that I'll be bringing some things to avoid offending and then share with everyone ... which is a really great way not to feel isolated and alone. Make everyone eat gluten-free along with you. (Too many people judge when you say you're gluten-free, so finding ways to make them not even notice and not have to discuss what you are eating can really help.)

I'm sure you can come up with other ways to take a positive spin on your new gluten-free life and to get excited about your new eating adventures! And no matter what you do, do NOT beat yourself up when you make mistakes. They happen. They suck. Just learn from them and move on.

And welcome to the gluten-free club!

DevJac, I'm sorry to hear that you are facing some major life changes and don't seem to be ready for them, but congratulations for getting a diagnosis before your symptoms were too bad. You got lucky.

I spent two decades going to doctor after doctor after doctor, desperate for answers, only to be told there was nothing wrong with me, that I was making up my pain, or that I was hysterical. You getting your diagnosis before you were too far down the road of pain and damage is a huge win.

I understand that it can be a bit daunting to go gluten free, but it really is life changing ... in a good way. After you go gluten free, really pay attention in the first two weeks for changes in your body. I had all sorts of random symptoms that I thought were "normal", because I had had them all of my life, completely disappear. It was everything from no longer having insomnia to no longer having cold hands, from a calmer demeanor to improved hearing. Recognizing these changes and noting how much better you feel can make it a lot easier to stay gluten free and want to never go back.

Best of luck to you. You can do it!

For me, the cold hands and feet, a problem I had for decades, was all from gluten. It went away completely within the first two weeks of going gluten free and never came back.

My graves disease is triggered by mold and mildew. If I can keep everything uncontaminated, my thyroid calms down and is not a problem.

I read a post a while back from someone else here that could explain your lack of reaction after five years of being gluten free. Apparently, your body produces little factories that make the antibodies that attack gluten. The longer you eat gluten, the more factories you have, the more antibodies that are produced. And it takes up to two years for all of those little factories to die off again.

This means that you can expect your reactions to gluten to get worse as your body produces more factories and more antibodies in the weeks leading up to your test. Then you can also expect strong reactions to trace amounts of gluten in your diet for a couple years after doing this gluten challenge, waiting for things to calm down again.

I will keep my fingers crossed that things don't get too bad for you. I expect toward the end, in the last two weeks before your test, things are going to get really bad. But before you consider quitting and not getting tested, I would see if you couldn't be more careful about how much gluten you're consuming. Like don't overdue it by consuming massive amounts of gluten if you're already having bad reactions and just stick to your minimum amount required for testing.

I'll send you big hugs now for what I expect is coming in your future.

Before going gluten free, I would describe myself as either being asymptomatic or suffering. In hindsight, I realize that, for me, it was job dependent.

If I had a job where there were few options for eating out, I would bring my own breakfast/lunch which were generally gluten light. During these periods, I had no noticeable physical symptoms but if I did have a high-gluten day, might get a little "moody" (irritable). I call these periods asymptomatic because I was still suffering the ill effects of gluten (malnourishment and thyroid problems), but wasn't in any noticeable pain. 

If I had a job where there were lots of options for eating out, I would often buy my breakfast and lunch and sometimes dinner which were much more likely to be full of gluten than when I cooked for myself, and would end up with pain. Mostly it was just a general abdominal discomfort, but sometimes it would affect cartilage/ligaments/tendons as well. During these periods, I would also experience fast weight loss.

When I first went gluten free, I went through withdrawal (because gluten is physically addictive). I had about a week where I felt really lousy, did a ton of sleeping, and though I wouldn't equate it to having the flu, it did cut into my productivity pretty majorly. It was bad enough that I would not want to repeat it on a regular basis, so another reason to stick to a gluten-free diet.

After going gluten free, when I had slip ups (which happened pretty frequently in the first couple months as I learned about hidden sources of gluten), my reactions to gluten were MUCH worse than before going gluten free. My standard reaction to even miniscule amounts of gluten were really bad. It would start almost immediately with extreme irritability which would last about a day. The migraine headache would start a few hours after eating and would last between 24 and 72 hours. The brain fog and fatigue would set in on day two and could last as much as three days. And that was just from minute cross contamination or trace amounts. The one time I accidentally ate a full on gluten meal it took about three weeks to recover and after the mood/headache/fog/fatigue issues that lasted about a week, I had all over aches and pains. It is the only time in my life that I thought I might be suffering from arthritis.

That was all in the first couple years. After about eight years of being gluten free, I repeatedly made a mistake of buying a brand of bread that was not gluten free (thanks to the grocery store stocking it in the gluten-free section. grrrrrr) But I didn't have the big reactions that I used to have. Yes, I suspected that I had some gluten in my diet, but from my reactions, I thought it was only trace amounts. I didn't have the irritability, the brain fog, or the headaches. But I did lose a ton of weight. All told, it was probably about six loaves of bread over the course of a year ... during which I lost about thirty pounds without trying. Basically, the only notable symptoms I had were of malnourishment. Thankfully, my subconscious stepped in and told my brain that that bread didn't taste good and that I didn't like it long before I even realized that it wasn't gluten free. 

I read a post here that seemed to explain why my reactions were so much stronger right after going gluten free than eight years later, despite the dosage being so much bigger during breadgate. It has something to do with how many antibodies are already circulating in your system, waiting to attack gluten. And how many factories your body has already built to make more of those antibodies. Apparently, after eight years of being hard core gluten free, those antibodies and factories were practically non-existent, therefore, I didn't have noticeable reactions compared to before.

So yeah, if you are taking lots of risks in your gluten free diet, your antibody levels and the factory levels are going to remain high, and it could take up to two years of being gluten free for them to "die off". And yes, you can expect reactions to be more noticeable after going gluten free even if the amount of gluten you are consuming is minute.

Don't take risks! Even if you don't have noticeable symptoms, it doesn't mean that damage isn't being done. 

But I have every confidence that you'll figure things out and in the future, will do much better at sticking to your gluten-free diet. You can do it!

Every time I turn around, I hear of some other reason to avoid taking NSAIDs so I'm with you 100% on being hesitant.

I know this sounds a little out there, but before going to pharmaceutical route, I would investigate guided meditation for pain relief. From what I hear, it can be much more effective without any adverse side effects ... and there are plenty of free options on YouTube. I've heard of people doing some pretty incredible things with mind over matter, including speeding healing of the injury itself. For instance, just thinking about increasing circulation to an area of your body can increase circulation ... if you're in the right frame of mind, thus the guided meditation.

Just because a person becomes a pastry chef doesn't mean they are going to be sitting around eating baked goods all day. And shame on anyone here for dissing her dream! 

As someone who won't go into traditional bakeries or pizzerias because of the high volume of wheat flour dust in the air, I think I would make an exception for finishing your courses. There are definitely gluten free bakeries that will need employees, but I don't think you'll be able to find a school that is gluten free. I would deal with whatever is needed in order to finish your courses and to follow your dream.

That said, I would ask each of your teachers if you could substitute gluten-free flours in your recipes so that you can taste them without making yourself sick. Granted, it would change everything about your food and you would have to learn on your own how to solve the problems as they arose, but if your plan was to go into gluten-free baking, then why not get started now?

Actually, I was trying to figure out if celiac could be related to my mother's severe personality disorders. I was thinking that malnourishment as a child could have affected brain development or something of the sort. I will probably never know because part of the personality disorder is to deny that anything could be wrong, so she'll never get tested for celiac. Yeah, my holidays were oh so fun.

But I agree that doctors rarely consider mental health issues unless you specifically seek out a specialist in the field. 

Also, thanks for the links Scott. I did see them when you posted but just gave you an upvote rather than give this thread more attention than it deserved.

Oh yeah. You definitely need more fruits and vegetables in your diet. There is an expression that we should be "eating the rainbow". From what you describe, your meals are mainly brown and white. If you find ways to add more greens, yellows, oranges, reds, and blues, you will automatically be getting a wider variety of nutrients AND getting the fiber you need to stay regular. 

Your current diet appears to be primarily meat and bread. That means the bacteria that are living in your gut, that aid in digestion, are specialized to only break down bread and meat. If you start eating a wider variety of fruits and veggies (and fungi if you add in some mushrooms), you'll end up with a healthier gut flora which will also help your digestion, immune system, and long-term health.

When I first went gluten free, my digestive system did need to adjust. I began to suspect that the guar gum or the xanthum gum may have played a roll in some "slow" episodes I experienced. The gums are supposed to have a laxative effect, but this seemed to be reversed if eaten in too great a quantity, which could be happening if you're eating too many gluten free breads. The gums are used in breads in an attempt to mimic some of the texture that is lost when you remove gluten.

But unless you are an athlete and are pushing your body to extremes, I wouldn't worry too much about how much protein vs. carbs you are eating. It is already difficult enough to go gluten free. Instead, I would try to find a way to make eating fun. Try to see it as a fantastic food adventure. Worry less about convenience and time and instead, make trying new foods and cooking new dishes your "thing". Become a foodie!

Variety is the highest priority!

I am curious if anyone knows of any studies that have looked to see if there are connections between celiac and mental health issues.

I know that some people get gluten ataxia, which affects their brain function, and I know that many of us have experienced anger as a symptom of a gluten reaction. But what I'm really trying to get at is if anyone has linked gluten reactions to being either a cause or a catalyst for things like full-blown personality disorders. I can imagine it being in the realm of possibility when you consider how devastating malnourishment could be during development. But is there evidence?

I will admit that I'm trying to better understand my relatives and I would love to find an explanation for how they could possibly behave so badly and seemingly have little to no control over it. Thanks

I don't eat out at all, so I understand your hesitancy to trust anything coming out of a contaminated kitchen. But you should definitely go to the dinner. Just make something that you can bring with you so that you can be eating at the same time as everyone else. Really, the only thing that is tougher about bringing your own food to a restaurant vs. someone's home is that you can't heat it up.

If you don't already own one, get yourself a little cooler that is barely larger than a purse. Slip it under the table when you arrive, then when everyone else is ordering, you just tell the waiter you have severe food allergies so you'll pass (and everyone seated near to you has already heard the explanation for why you aren't eating food from the restaurant ... no need to explain further). When everyone else's food comes out, you just pull whatever you brought out of your cooler and enjoy the meal along with everyone else.

Your meal doesn't have to be fancy. Any sort of salad would do. I like to do things that are just one dish because it is easier. I try to be as inconspicuous as possible and if anyone comments, you just say how great all of their food looks and how much you wish you could be eating what they are having. (This helps you look a little less crazy. I laugh as I type that, but you know what I'm talking about. Anything you can do or say to make you a part of the group helps take the attention off of you and your diet restrictions.

Whether or not you clear it with the restaurant first, about  bringing your own food, is up to you. I honestly don't know how uppity restaurants get about these things. It likely varies greatly. Like I would totally expect a French restaurant to give you a hard time. lol

Make this your go-to plan for every get together and gathering, bringing your own food. It is safer for you to keep control over what you eat and then you never feel as if you're being left out or overlooked. And the times that someone does make an effort to make sure you can be included will be that much more special.

I will say that when I first went gluten free, the guy I was seeing tried to be accommodating and found a restaurant that had gluten free items on the menu. I ordered carefully but I still spent half of the night awake in the living room listening to my stomach grumble after eating a meal that was most definitely NOT gluten free. So anytime family or friends choose to eat somewhere that does not have gluten free options for you, think of that as a good thing. I think it would be worse to feel forced to order from a kitchen that you know is not 100% gluten free. If you think of bringing your own as being the ideal for your health and safety, you won't ever feel left out!

I really enjoyed reading this. Not the subject matter, because that is heartbreaking (and familiar). But the writing drew me and was extremely relatable. I felt every bit of frustration and angst. Great story telling!

Yeah, I feel this way a lot, but mostly it is about how much time and effort I have to put into cooking food from scratch. I haven't ordered out since going gluten free, but I can totally imagine cracking during a low point.

I would NOT beat yourself up about this slip up. But now that you know there is a risk of slipping, make a plan for how to deal with it should it happen again. I don't know, maybe, make a secret stash of comfort food for yourself that you don't touch except in case of emergency? A little bit of sweet, a little bit of protein, and make sure to include something with crunch. Maybe a KIND bar or two stashed away?

Anyway, big hugs to you and I hope the other health issues are now over.

OMG. Marry your fiancé as quickly as possible! What a great family that they are willing to try something new to help others be included! 

I wouldn't worry too much about the next time. The novelty of your celiac disease will wear off and it won't be talked about so much. And you can make a plan with the cook to only worry about making a few dishes gluten free while others are not and you simply don't eat them. Like stuffing would be great to make gluten free because stuffing could also contaminate the bird if it is stuffed. (For traditional stuffing, I would use gluten free French bread as a base though you'd likely have to make it yourself. If you don't stuff the bird or are eating ham instead of turkey, corn bread stuffing should already be gluten free.)

And you can make a plan for bringing food with you. For instance, I normally bring a bunch of appetizers to family gatherings so that I can munch before the meal along with everyone else and no one even notices that everything I bring is gluten free. Fruit, veggies, artisan salami, nut-based crackers, cheeses, shrimp ... all gluten free.

My hosts wouldn't even dream of trying to cook gluten free so what I normally do is to make and bring a meal that is really similar to what I expect will be served. When dinner is out of the kitchen and on the table, I quick, slip a plate into the microwave and then eat with everyone else. (For weddings, I bring a small cooler that is slyly slid under the table. When everyone else is served, I just miraculously produce my salad or whatever cold dish I can make and bring.) Just don't forget to bring a dessert for yourself and be willing to share your food with others.

I would consider the possibility that you're dealing with something else entirely, not related to celiac. Granted, having gluten reactions might be what originally amped up your immune system, but it could be remaining on high alert because there is something else in your environment to react to.

Can you send a sample of your drinking water off to be tested? Do you possibly have mold or mildew in your home? Do you live near any sort of industrial facility that could be affecting you, such as near a fracking site or petroleum refinery? Even something as seemingly as insignificant as breathing in the fumes from standard clay cat litter could be enough to trigger an immune response if your system is already on high alert.

And if someone hasn't already said it or you haven't already done it, get tested for vitamin deficiencies then carefully supplement only those you actually have. (Most supplements are not bio-identical and come with their own side effects, so I would not be too eager to start popping pills just because most of us have certain deficiencies.)

When it comes to hidden sources of gluten, I would look to the weird sources too. I've heard of people discovering that their dental appliances such as retainers or bite plates contained gluten (used to make plastics more flexible). I swear I had a pair of reading glasses that must have contained gluten because they made the sides of my head go numb after about a week of using them.

Because you still have psoriasis acting up, I would presume that this is still autoimmune related. I say that because before I went gluten free, it seemed as if one autoimmune disease decides to throw a party and invite over a bunch of others. Psoriasis sounds like that guest that just won't wake up after sleeping on the couch. But you have to figure out if it was gluten that threw the party or something else.

I can leave you with one tip that could help how you feel about all of it. The brain constantly rewires connections between one section and another. Just thinking ten happy thoughts in a row is enough to have your brain set to be in a happier default setting, so to speak. So finding ways to laugh about the struggles really can help you get through them.

Anyway, I do wish you the best of luck with it all. It sounds rough for you at the moment and I do wish there were more we can do to help as you deal with the damage gluten leaves in its wake. 

Severe hip pain due to tendons/ligaments catching is one of my gluten symptoms. At its worst, I had to drive to work instead of taking the subway and had a prescription for some serious pain killers, though they didn't do anything other than upset my stomach. 

I just realized, while writing this, why my hip pain returned for a bit a couple years ago ... around the same time I made some major errors in my gluten-free diet. Duh!

I really do hope that you can get things calmed down quickly. Perhaps you can take it easy over the winter, hibernate a little and not take chances trying to eat out, and give your body a chance to heal.

Best of luck to you.

What about heavy metal poisoning? A diet that high in fish is what makes me ask. 

Also along the lines of toxins, do you live near any fossil fuel production sites? Peripheral neuropathies are associated with living near fracking sites and oil refineries. And I think within 3-5 miles is considered "near" though wind directions may vary. Mold is another neuropathy cause.

Though your symptoms are triggered by food, I don't think you can rule out the possibility of toxins. Digestion might just be one process too many for your body to deal with at once. 

I presume they already ruled out diabetes. Did they also check your liver and kidney function?

Congratulations on finally getting some answers!!!!

Reading your story reminded me of when I finally got my answer to years of asking what was wrong with me. Being female and seeking out possible causes for aches and pains during the beginning of the opioid crisis was a double whammy of doctors automatically dismissing me as being either a hysterical female or a seeker of drugs. It was rough. Actually having a medical problem makes you acutely aware of just how lousy our health care system is. I am so sorry to hear that your mom got lost in it and that she was taken from you so young.

But now you can get better! And there is one positive to getting your diagnosis after suffering some. It makes it a ton easier to never want to go back to consuming gluten again. I remember the first time a plate of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies was placed in front of me and I was all like "not a chance". lol

Make sure to do your homework and learn all about the hidden sources of gluten. I know there are posts here in the forum. Learn how to de-gluten your kitchen. Oh, and learn what other foods celiacs are likely to also react to, not because you have a sensitivity to them as well so much as your system is so amped up that it gets confused by similar proteins. I forget which they are because I didn't have issues, but you may need to avoid them short term but can add them back later.

And most importantly, don't beat yourself up when you make mistakes. There will be a ton of them early on. Just pay attention to your symptoms so that you can figure out the culprits and do better next time. Be really careful with the gluten-free sections in grocery stores. It is scary how often gluten products get shelved in those sections. You're going to become a pro at reading labels!!!

So excited for you and the potential to feel better!